Hi to everyone, I'm an italian student, I've made this short movie acting in english, so...I'd like to have some reviews by you. Thank you so much.
http://www.vimeo.com/7484740
http://www.vimeo.com/7484740
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archived-videos My short movie -The trip towards the end of a man who wanted to begin-
- Thread starter Giovanni
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Why did you decide to do this in English?
I'm not a fan of the ending at all. Here in the US, the equivalent is "and then he shoots himself. The end." I think everyone has written a screenplay with that at some point (guilty as charged
), and it still remains a copout.
Some of it was extremley on the nose. Narrator describing basic actions as they're being shown. I don't need a v/o to tell me you're checking your hair in a mirror.
Given the huge amount of narration, was the actual dialogue needed? (Meh, I'm just thinking out loud.)
I liked the lighting. For the most part, I liked the shots.
Can I see something you've done in your native language?
I'm not a fan of the ending at all. Here in the US, the equivalent is "and then he shoots himself. The end." I think everyone has written a screenplay with that at some point (guilty as charged
), and it still remains a copout.Some of it was extremley on the nose. Narrator describing basic actions as they're being shown. I don't need a v/o to tell me you're checking your hair in a mirror.
Given the huge amount of narration, was the actual dialogue needed? (Meh, I'm just thinking out loud.)
I liked the lighting. For the most part, I liked the shots.
Can I see something you've done in your native language?
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Thank you for your answer.
Why did you decide to do this in English?
I've made this short movie in english 'cause I wanted to try to make a challenge with myself seeing what I'm able to do and how is my english.
I'm not a fan of the ending at all. Here in the US, the equivalent is "and then he shoots himself. The end."
I thought the ending was good... "I'm going now...Charon is waiting for me"...good line for me.
Narrator describing basic actions as they're being shown. I don't need a v/o to tell me you're checking your hair in a mirror.
Yeah...probably you're right.
Given the huge amount of narration, was the actual dialogue needed? (Meh, I'm just thinking out loud.)
There are three scenes with dialogues. I think they was needed to break narration. But...yeah, the narration was really huge.
Can I see something you've done in your native language?
Of course. You can watch this movie (I made it the last year):
http://www.vimeo.com/7629309
And I've another short movie, my first movie, realized in 2007. If you want to watch it too, I'll can copy the link here.
Thank you for your answer.
Why did you decide to do this in English?
I've made this short movie in english 'cause I wanted to try to make a challenge with myself seeing what I'm able to do and how is my english.
I'm not a fan of the ending at all. Here in the US, the equivalent is "and then he shoots himself. The end."
I thought the ending was good... "I'm going now...Charon is waiting for me"...good line for me.
Narrator describing basic actions as they're being shown. I don't need a v/o to tell me you're checking your hair in a mirror.
Yeah...probably you're right.
Given the huge amount of narration, was the actual dialogue needed? (Meh, I'm just thinking out loud.)
There are three scenes with dialogues. I think they was needed to break narration. But...yeah, the narration was really huge.
Can I see something you've done in your native language?
Of course. You can watch this movie (I made it the last year):
http://www.vimeo.com/7629309
And I've another short movie, my first movie, realized in 2007. If you want to watch it too, I'll can copy the link here.
Giovanni, I liked your film. The story of passion from the heart, evoked that 1950's Italian film era feel. I'm a fan of that era, and I like that it's in black and white. Had I seen it in color, I probably wouldn't have the same feelings. I would like to see it with a few more close-ups , though; I like to see the eyes when looking into someone's soul. I watched 'L'alienazione dello stato sub-mortale.' I don't understand Italian, but I got that it also eneded in suicide, too... I like your English film more. Some of my favorite films are tradgedys. Technically, I feel it could be cleaned up a bit, but I like it overall. I would like to see your other work.
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Thank you, mark. I've appreciated your comment...really.
"L'alienazione dello stato sub-mortale" is quite oniric, a bit like Lynch's movies. The main character died in a suicide car accident, but before to reach the death he enters in a fictional world, a new state between the life and the death...and this state is the "sub-mortal state" "lo stato sub-mortale". In this state he meets his alter-ego (the man with the hat) who remembers him his failures, his weakness, the reasons of his suicide. So, he becames conscious, the sub-mortale state ends, he comes back to the accident's place (ambulance ring) and he reaches the death.
The doctor is the person who cared about him in life.
"I would like to see your other work"
http://vimeo.com/7630992
This is my first movie, I made it in 2007, two years ago. The translation of the title should be "Tales of ordinary conjugal madness". It deals with my favorites themes: humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense.
Thank you again, man. Tell me what you think. See you.
Thank you, mark. I've appreciated your comment...really.
"L'alienazione dello stato sub-mortale" is quite oniric, a bit like Lynch's movies. The main character died in a suicide car accident, but before to reach the death he enters in a fictional world, a new state between the life and the death...and this state is the "sub-mortal state" "lo stato sub-mortale". In this state he meets his alter-ego (the man with the hat) who remembers him his failures, his weakness, the reasons of his suicide. So, he becames conscious, the sub-mortale state ends, he comes back to the accident's place (ambulance ring) and he reaches the death.
The doctor is the person who cared about him in life.
"I would like to see your other work"
http://vimeo.com/7630992
This is my first movie, I made it in 2007, two years ago. The translation of the title should be "Tales of ordinary conjugal madness". It deals with my favorites themes: humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense.
Thank you again, man. Tell me what you think. See you.
I liked to photography for the most part...there were some very interesting shots which I think are not necessary, but add flavor to the piece.
I thought the VO sound quality was pretty good, but the internal sound wasn't great at all. Was it boomed? What kind of mic did you use? Onboard?
I thought it shouldn't have been done in English. I was taken out of the intimate moments because I couldn't understand what the actor was saying. I struggled with this, and it took me away from the film.
I thought the VO sound quality was pretty good, but the internal sound wasn't great at all. Was it boomed? What kind of mic did you use? Onboard?
I thought it shouldn't have been done in English. I was taken out of the intimate moments because I couldn't understand what the actor was saying. I struggled with this, and it took me away from the film.
"I would like to see your other work"
http://vimeo.com/7630992
This is my first movie, I made it in 2007, two years ago. The translation of the title should be "Tales of ordinary conjugal madness". It deals with my favorites themes: humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense.
Thank you again, man. Tell me what you think. See you.
I like this one best of the your three films... Though I wasn't able to understand most of the dialogue, I was able to follow the story through the somber acting and mood. I really picked up the sense of deprssion... Your themes of "humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense" were felt in this film. I like when a poignant story is sold through acting, alone. This one flowed well.
http://vimeo.com/7630992
This is my first movie, I made it in 2007, two years ago. The translation of the title should be "Tales of ordinary conjugal madness". It deals with my favorites themes: humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense.
Thank you again, man. Tell me what you think. See you.
I like this one best of the your three films... Though I wasn't able to understand most of the dialogue, I was able to follow the story through the somber acting and mood. I really picked up the sense of deprssion... Your themes of "humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense" were felt in this film. I like when a poignant story is sold through acting, alone. This one flowed well.
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"I thought the VO sound quality was pretty good, but the internal sound wasn't great at all. Was it boomed? What kind of mic did you use? Onboard?"
Yes, I know...I've not used the mic of the camera used for this short movie. I prepared the voice over at home, when I was alone. Not with the cameramen and his camera. So...like you say, the internal sound wasn't great at all.
"I was taken out of the intimate moments because I couldn't understand what the actor was saying."
My accent was a little heavy, but I thought was understandable.
"I like this one best of the your three films... Though I wasn't able to understand most of the dialogue, I was able to follow the story through the somber acting and mood. I really picked up the sense of deprssion... Your themes of "humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense" were felt in this film. I like when a poignant story is sold through acting, alone. This one flowed well."
http://vimeo.com/7630992
Yes, I think so, the only problem is that I had not the same professionality of my last work. Tecnhically "The trip towards the end..." is the best, but about the themes and the acting I think this is the best work. People can feel it.
"I thought the VO sound quality was pretty good, but the internal sound wasn't great at all. Was it boomed? What kind of mic did you use? Onboard?"
Yes, I know...I've not used the mic of the camera used for this short movie. I prepared the voice over at home, when I was alone. Not with the cameramen and his camera. So...like you say, the internal sound wasn't great at all.
"I was taken out of the intimate moments because I couldn't understand what the actor was saying."
My accent was a little heavy, but I thought was understandable.
"I like this one best of the your three films... Though I wasn't able to understand most of the dialogue, I was able to follow the story through the somber acting and mood. I really picked up the sense of deprssion... Your themes of "humanity self-distructed, alienated man, impossibility to escape from a society with no sense" were felt in this film. I like when a poignant story is sold through acting, alone. This one flowed well."
http://vimeo.com/7630992
Yes, I think so, the only problem is that I had not the same professionality of my last work. Tecnhically "The trip towards the end..." is the best, but about the themes and the acting I think this is the best work. People can feel it.
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Yes it is understandable to you, because your brain fills-in what is needed to comprehend...because it's how you learned to communicate that language...for someone that doesn't know you well, or for someone that doesn't have a lot of experience with heavy dialects...it's not easy to understand.
"Yes it is understandable to you, because your brain fills-in what is needed to comprehend...because it's how you learned to communicate that language...for someone that doesn't know you well, or for someone that doesn't have a lot of experience with heavy dialects...it's not easy to understand."
Be quiet.
Other poeple heard this short movie and they understood everything, I think is easier to understand an italian than an american...maybe you're not able to understand an american actor. American people have a lot of different accents, so I really think that it's harder understand them than me.
Be quiet.
Other poeple heard this short movie and they understood everything, I think is easier to understand an italian than an american...maybe you're not able to understand an american actor. American people have a lot of different accents, so I really think that it's harder understand them than me.
Uh dude... I hate to break it to you, but you are very difficult to understand.
I didn't mention it in my first reply, but I had to watch the film more than once to fully understand what was going on.
*beeeeep* Quiet-mode On.
Giovani, you haven't failed, just a step towards doing great stuff. Always the first attempt in a different language has issues.
I like the shots, and the voice used. Still the narrative can improve. If you reveal everything the viewer loses interest as you want to tell the story with expected results but with interest. Something that I struggle every time.
I also write in English, and mainly when we improvise we make mistakes. Instead of "shot in the head" I said "shot in the head"... we kind of corrected it later through editing adding some funny scene...
Also if you are going to do voice over, you can make sure that the script is better. Pass it through different people for comment, an preferably by some native speaker (or grammar experts by default).
For example, in your script you have moments like "this went on for a long time... one hour" Why being so specific? Is one hour a long time?
But keep working on. The videos I work on are by far not the greatest quality, still we keep on and maybe one day we manage.
I like the shots, and the voice used. Still the narrative can improve. If you reveal everything the viewer loses interest as you want to tell the story with expected results but with interest. Something that I struggle every time.
I also write in English, and mainly when we improvise we make mistakes. Instead of "shot in the head" I said "shot in the head"... we kind of corrected it later through editing adding some funny scene...
Also if you are going to do voice over, you can make sure that the script is better. Pass it through different people for comment, an preferably by some native speaker (or grammar experts by default).
For example, in your script you have moments like "this went on for a long time... one hour" Why being so specific? Is one hour a long time?
But keep working on. The videos I work on are by far not the greatest quality, still we keep on and maybe one day we manage.
Giovanni, do you love making movies?
If you do, then you should not stop. You should never let opinions stop you from doing what you love.
If you do, then you should not stop. You should never let opinions stop you from doing what you love.
"If you reveal everything the viewer loses interest as you want to tell the story with expected results but with interest. Something that I struggle every time."
Yes, I had to think it when I wrote the screenplay.
"Giovani, you haven't failed, just a step towards doing great stuff."
I hope so.
"Giovanni, do you love making movies?
If you do, then you should not stop. You should never let opinions stop you from doing what you love."
Thank you, man. I'll try to improve myself.
Yes, I had to think it when I wrote the screenplay.
"Giovani, you haven't failed, just a step towards doing great stuff."
I hope so.
"Giovanni, do you love making movies?
If you do, then you should not stop. You should never let opinions stop you from doing what you love."
Thank you, man. I'll try to improve myself.