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story The Dark Site

Would like some help and advice with a feature screenplay I'm developing. I'm aiming for a low budget gritty thriller/horror and I'm planning to set it in London.

I've got the premise of the story, and I've written an outline, but as I try to add depth to the story, I find myself torn between which way I should play it.

My initial plan was to go quite dark and disturbing, but listening to other members on here, that route seems to limit the potential of the film. My next plan was a more restrained version, but I'm finding it hard to make it as exciting as the thrills I had in mind in my original idea. In particular, the draw/uniqueness of the killer.

The working title of the film is called "The Dark Site". The basic premise is a dysfunctional army vet is subjected to multiple injustices throughout his life and as a result becomes disenfranchised with the Criminal Justice System.

His view is that modern policing is no longer a deterrent, criminal sentencing is weak and society is moving to a place where violent criminals can act with impunity, leaving law abiding citizens with no recourse.

His solution. The Dark Site. A website on the dark web, untouchable by Law enforcement where anyone can nominate those who deserve to die for their sins. A series of blind votes are cast, a censored scoreboard is maintained, showing only the first letter of the name and the points they have. The points are determined using metrics of the severity of their crimes and the number of blind votes cast.

He then works his way through the league table, top to bottom, picking of his victims and subjecting them to torture methods in keeping with the pain they have themselves inflicted on others. As each victim is dealt with, he releases videos of their punishment over social media, explaining each victim's sins and then revealing their name on the scoreboard. In turn, earning himself a cult hero status among the general public for doing what the police can not.

The plot I have so far in essence is a doesn't-play-by-the-book detective vs a calculated insane villain, cat and mouse story.

Looking for other ideas to keep the story exciting, and the villain engaging without going too dark. Any suggestions welcome.
 
dysfunctional army vet savvy at computer programming. he is the villain right?
who is the protagonist - or does this film just follow him around as he tortures and kills?

Movies like Hostel and Saw are enjoyable and people like them. You can go dark for some scenes. Just balance the darkness.
 
dysfunctional army vet savvy at computer programming. he is the villain right?
who is the protagonist - or does this film just follow him around as he tortures and kills?

Movies like Hostel and Saw are enjoyable and people like them. You can go dark for some scenes. Just balance the darkness.
Not really the protaganist as such, the detective who is chasing him is supposed to be, but my initial idea for the movie was aimed at having the audience being empathetic to both sides so in that respect I suppose you could consider him as both an antagonist and joint protaganist (if that makes any sense). They are both meant to have appealing aspects and so by the end you don't know which one you are rooting for to succeed. But I'm starting to have doubts about how to play it now. Should I go all out for a Hostel/Saw type story, or appeal to the light/good, or keep it neutral like I first intended? Using this website premise, what would work best do you think?
 
Do you have an ending in mind for it? I'm not asking what it is, just whether or not you have one.
If so, I'd say do what you really want, but understand that you're aiming for a specific audience and funding could be a challenge.

I always recommend that people incorporate some humor into the darkest stories - even Shakespeare did that in his tragedies.
It can give the audience a moment to breathe, but also provides contrast for the darkness.
 
Not really the protaganist as such, the detective who is chasing him is supposed to be, but my initial idea for the movie was aimed at having the audience being empathetic to both sides so in that respect I suppose you could consider him as both an antagonist and joint protaganist (if that makes any sense). They are both meant to have appealing aspects and so by the end you don't know which one you are rooting for to succeed. But I'm starting to have doubts about how to play it now. Should I go all out for a Hostel/Saw type story, or appeal to the light/good, or keep it neutral like I first intended? Using this website premise, what would work best do you think?

Well my thoughts are that someone that is releasing torture videos is never going to be considered a cult hero by the "general public" but they would be loved by a hate group of some kind. Have you ever heard the expression "wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" to create pure and sustained agony for the sole purpose of agony in a living being and then to go home at night thinking youve done something good for the world is absolutely twisted IMO. most people will never get behind that. we aren't even okay with the guillotine and that is very fast and a clean death but still too barbaric for most peoples tastes.

Now this is just me but when I watched the movie Kingsman I thought that the villain made way too much sense and I wasn't so sure they should even try to stop him lol. Experiencing that ambiguity for both sides, as you seek, I thought it was actually a weakness of the film. I want a villain that I love to hate... but still gotta be some hate to make people root and cheer. The last thing you ever want to do is make your audience confused. But having interesting villains with some likable qualities is great!! the best movies are more than just a hero, the villain is super interesting too.

Second thought if the guy is white, the second he releases a video of him torturing and killing a black criminal it would incite some crazy shit in america with everything that has been going on around here recently.

I'll have to let the website premise bounce around in my head some
 
Well my thoughts are that someone that is releasing torture videos is never going to be considered a cult hero by the "general public" but they would be loved by a hate group of some kind. Have you ever heard the expression "wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy" to create pure and sustained agony for the sole purpose of agony in a living being and then to go home at night thinking youve done something good for the world is absolutely twisted IMO. most people will never get behind that. we aren't even okay with the guillotine and that is very fast and a clean death but still too barbaric for most peoples tastes.

Now this is just me but when I watched the movie Kingsman I thought that the villain made way too much sense and I wasn't so sure they should even try to stop him lol. Experiencing that ambiguity for both sides, as you seek, I thought it was actually a weakness of the film. I want a villain that I love to hate... but still gotta be some hate to make people root and cheer. The last thing you ever want to do is make your audience confused. But having interesting villains with some likable qualities is great!! the best movies are more than just a hero, the villain is super interesting too.

Second thought if the guy is white, the second he releases a video of him torturing and killing a black criminal it would incite some crazy shit in america with everything that has been going on around here recently.

I'll have to let the website premise bounce around in my head some
You make some very good points there. When i say cult hero among the general public, i just mean he develops a following from people who are similarly fed up with how things are. Not the entire general public. I didn't make that very clear.

As for the torture aspect, personally I think that would resonate with many people, although perhaps not all, which is why I'm seeking advice on how to play it. Saw made it work for example. I get what you're saying with the 'love to hate' aspect though and that was one of my concerns is whether I'm making the villain too relatable.

The last point you made has really made me think though. Yes, the murderer is white and yes, one of the victims is a black man. I hadn't even considered it, simply because there was no racial aspect to it when I wrote it, he's just another character in the story. In fact, all the other victims in the film are white. Leaves me totally confused. Feels like I'm obligated to change the ethnicity now of this particular character because it could be deemed "racist" for a white man to kill him irrespective of the fact that race plays no part in this story.
 
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Do you have an ending in mind for it? I'm not asking what it is, just whether or not you have one.
If so, I'd say do what you really want, but understand that you're aiming for a specific audience and funding could be a challenge.

I always recommend that people incorporate some humor into the darkest stories - even Shakespeare did that in his tragedies.
It can give the audience a moment to breathe, but also provides contrast for the darkness.
Yes, I have a twist ending in mind. One that leaves the story open to a sequel.

As for humour, that is what I'm working on quite a bit at the moment. Banter between the main Detective and his partner. Plus humorous dialogue from the killer towards his victims.
 
You make some very good points there. When i say cult hero among the general public, i just mean he develops a following from people who are similarly fed up with how things are. Not the entire general public. I didn't make that very clear.

As for the torture aspect, personally I think that would resonate with many people, although perhaps not all, which is why I'm seeking advice on how to play it. Saw made it work for example. I get what you're saying with the 'love to hate' aspect though and that was one of my concerns is whether I'm making the villain too relatable.

The last point you made has really made me think though. Yes, the murderer is white and yes, one of the victims is a black man. I hadn't even considered it, simply because there was no racial aspect to it when I wrote it, he's just another character in the story. In fact, all the other victims in the film are white. Leaves me totally confused. Feels like I'm obligated to change the ethnicity now of this particular character because it could be deemed "racist" for a white man to kill him irrespective of the fact that race plays no part in this story.

nobody will think your movie is racist the way you’ve described it. I think you’re good.
The stuff with torture and saw/hostel ppl get behind that because it’s entertainment. If a real killer is releasing torture snuff tapes most ppl would refuse to ever watch
 
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You do know there's a site on the Dark Web that is somewhat like what you're describing... Right? LOL. I found it more than 5 years ago and have done all kinds of research into it... To the point of actually being in communication with the people who run the site.

I like your idea... I don't like the torture aspect of it... And I'm QUITE dark when it comes to STORY. The reason I don't like the torture aspect of it is because that seems to me to be more of a PERSONAL need for the character. To be honest? I'd rather see THIS CHARACTER be the Protagonist, taking care of justice when the law simply turns a blind eye which they DO ALL THE TIME.

I can totally see the character capturing it on video however... Showing it to the world which would, in and of itself... Create a cult following. It could even create copy cats and of course, the problem there is that copy cats do not often GRASP what's really going on. In other words... What if copy cats started killing people that don't really deserve to be killed?

This of course would spawn a huge investigation to find this guy... To chop the head of the snake off so to speak. Having said that? I watched the original DEATH WISH with Charles Bronson recently... It still works for me personally although it's a bit slow here and there but all he was trying to do was kill those who were out every night PREYING on innocent people. He too, had a cult following which is why... End the END? NYPD let him go.

Your idea could easily play on all this... Just UP the STAKES all the way through the story. Law Enforcement doesn't have to be the Protagonist. Been there... Done that a million times. We've SEEN IT BEFORE. But of course, we will understand that an entity such as law enforcement is going to be going after the guy... They have no choice. We get that.

So really... We're ROOTING for this guy not to get caught... As soon as he becomes a MONSTER? By torturing even extremely bad people? In my humble opinion, he becomes NO BETTER than those he's torturing... Which makes me no longer give a shit about what happens to him. Yet? If he's simply taking extremely bad people OUT of the equation? That's someone I will ROOT for.

Your ending could easily be law enforcement understand all this... And at the end? Looking the other way. SAME ONLY DIFFERENT than Death Wish. Bigger. Worse criminals. EVIL CRIMINALS. Criminals that do NOT deserve to live. Make a list of criminals like that? And you're on your way.

Just my two cents...
 
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Okay I slept on the idea and here's what I've got...

I dont think you should sell out for $0. There is no one offering to buy your script, write the story you want to make.
You do want it made though so if you're afraid of going overboard and turning people off - look to a different movie for your guide.

The most successful film that is most in common with what you've described? Se7en.
Look to the structure of Se7en and then build off that. The movie had some sick torture elements in it for sure.

If you turned the killer into the protagonist it would be like Boondock Saints, harry brown, death wish, etc. A very very different film.

Secondly.. I dont want to be negative or anything but I have a computer science degree and I can't do what your army vet is doing.
I dont have the confidence that I could create something so public and still evade the authorities.. its just so complicated and difficult to be perfect.
It's like asking someone to play a game of chess and only ever make the 100% optimal move.

most sites on the dark web get away with it because they dont attract that much attention.
think about if your killer became world famous and the best hackers in the world are looking at his website trying to break it. will it stand up? how!

Here is a very tech savvy multi-million dollar encrypted network that thought they had it all figured out. They didn't.
https://yro.slashdot.org/story/20/0...er-a-global-phone-network-for-organized-crime (story from 2 days ago)

My thoughts kept going back to that and i kept trying to ignore those thoughts to focus on your story.

I watched the original DEATH WISH with Charles Bronson recently...

the remake was way better. and exceeded my expectations. but very similar script.
 
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Okay here we go something finally rattled lose and fell out of my brain.
Here's my idea for your story.

Army vet starts off with eye for an eye justice somebody he see's on the news or somebody from his past.
He later discovers this dark web website (instead of creating it) as a result of the feedback from his first vigilante experience. now he starts administering his karmic eye for an eye justice to people that are listed on the website.
At first it's very clean deaths like some people get shot or stabbed or something and the audience is on board with what he is doing.
The police have an opportunity to catch him and they LET HIM GO!! because they're on board with what he is doing too.

second act
He gets to a criminal that would torture their victims. He tortures this guy. You can go really dark here bc the film has not been super dark act 1.
Now people are kinda uneasy but some people are still on board.
Next criminal - it's no longer eye for an eye. He tortures this guy too.
The army vet has acquired a taste for torture. The audience turns and now we recognize him as the villain.
The police are kicking themselves in the ass and tormented that they had a chance to stop this guy and now he is torturing people.
They find the dark web site creators and put fake data in it, try to set up a sting.
interaction between the criminal and the police (this is like the chase scene in se7en where they almost catch him)

third act
the dark web site is shut down
he has to find a new way to get his victims ...
or whatever other direction you want to take the story
 
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You do know there's a site on the Dark Web that is somewhat like what you're describing... Right? LOL. I found it more than 5 years ago and have done all kinds of research into it... To the point of actually being in communication with the people who run the site.

I like your idea... I don't like the torture aspect of it... And I'm QUITE dark when it comes to STORY. The reason I don't like the torture aspect of it is because that seems to me to be more of a PERSONAL need for the character. To be honest? I'd rather see THIS CHARACTER be the Protagonist, taking care of justice when the law simply turns a blind eye which they DO ALL THE TIME.

I can totally see the character capturing it on video however... Showing it to the world which would, in and of itself... Create a cult following. It could even create copy cats and of course, the problem there is that copy cats do not often GRASP what's really going on. In other words... What if copy cats started killing people that don't really deserve to be killed?

This of course would spawn a huge investigation to find this guy... To chop the head of the snake off so to speak. Having said that? I watched the original DEATH WISH with Charles Bronson recently... It still works for me personally although it's a bit slow here and there but all he was trying to do was kill those who were out every night PREYING on innocent people. He too, had a cult following which is why... End the END? NYPD let him go.

Your idea could easily play on all this... Just UP the STAKES all the way through the story. Law Enforcement doesn't have to be the Protagonist. Been there... Done that a million times. We've SEEN IT BEFORE. But of course, we will understand that an entity such as law enforcement is going to be going after the guy... They have no choice. We get that.

So really... We're ROOTING for this guy not to get caught... As soon as he becomes a MONSTER? By torturing even extremely bad people? In my humble opinion, he becomes NO BETTER than those he's torturing... Which makes me no longer give a shit about what happens to him. Yet? If he's simply taking extremely bad people OUT of the equation? That's someone I will ROOT for.

Your ending could easily be law enforcement understand all this... And at the end? Looking the other way. SAME ONLY DIFFERENT than Death Wish. Bigger. Worse criminals. EVIL CRIMINALS. Criminals that do NOT deserve to live. Make a list of criminals like that? And you're on your way.

Just my two cents...
Had no idea there was a real website like this, no. If it's too sensitive to put on the thread, would you mind messaging me some details about it. Just thinking from a research viewpoint, would be good to know the background of it if my idea is similar.

Thanks for your the comments too, very helpful. Lots to think about. I do get your point about the torture, I'm going back and forth on it. Need some time to mull it over and work out what theme I want to go with.
 
Okay I slept on the idea and here's what I've got...

I dont think you should sell out for $0. There is no one offering to buy your script, write the story you want to make.
You do want it made though so if you're afraid of going overboard and turning people off - look to a different movie for your guide.

The most successful film that is most in common with what you've described? Se7en.
Look to the structure of Se7en and then build off that. The movie had some sick torture elements in it for sure.

If you turned the killer into the protagonist it would be like Boondock Saints, harry brown, death wish, etc. A very very different film.

Secondly.. I dont want to be negative or anything but I have a computer science degree and I can't do what your army vet is doing.
I dont have the confidence that I could create something so public and still evade the authorities.. its just so complicated and difficult to be perfect.
It's like asking someone to play a game of chess and only ever make the 100% optimal move.

most sites on the dark web get away with it because they dont attract that much attention.
think about if your killer became world famous and the best hackers in the world are looking at his website trying to break it. will it stand up? how!

Here is a very tech savvy multi-million dollar encrypted network that thought they had it all figured out. They didn't.
https://yro.slashdot.org/story/20/0...er-a-global-phone-network-for-organized-crime (story from 2 days ago)

My thoughts kept going back to that and i kept trying to ignore those thoughts to focus on your story.



the remake was way better. and exceeded my expectations. but very similar script.
His background in the army is as a communications officer so that's why he's pretty tech savvy. Funnily enough, my degree is in Computer Science too! It's not that difficult to set up a site on the deep web, and while communication channels can get intecepted with some difficulty, that wouldn't especially help the police since all they'd intercept are nominations from the public. All the villain needs to do is ensure his IP address is kept hidden, again not difficult if you know how to use VPNs.

The Silk Road website was going on the dark web for years where drugs were being openly sold, took the police a few years to track down the guy who was running it and that was due to a data leak I believe. Every time they shut it down, a new version would just pop up under a different address. The premise would be the same here, he just needs to keep moving the site.

As part of the movie, there is a team of police hackers working on trying to trace the killer but ultimately that's just because what would happen in real life, they don't actually have any influence on the outcome in the end.
 
Had no idea there was a real website like this, no. If it's too sensitive to put on the thread, would you mind messaging me some details about it. Just thinking from a research viewpoint, would be good to know the background of it if my idea is similar.

Thanks for your the comments too, very helpful. Lots to think about. I do get your point about the torture, I'm going back and forth on it. Need some time to mull it over and work out what theme I want to go with.

I'll have to find it again... I haven't been to it for about a year and I have a new laptop now so I'll have to install some software before I go in but sure... Once I find it? I'll send you a message.

Basically from my memory... The site allowed anyone to submit the image and STORY of someone who they felt needed to be killed. LOL. Once that submission was up and running? People vote on whether or not that person should be killed. Once all the votes are in? People begin sending crypto currency to the website to PAY for the assassination. Once an amount is collected? The contract is yours for the taking. In other words... Anyone can go take the person out and get paid.

Some of the details were sketchy and when I stumbled onto the site? I too thought it MIGHT make for a good spec... So I kept communicating with the people that ran the site just to get some answers from them on how they handle the money and how people would get paid yada yada. I acted like I was interested.

Now of course... It could have all been a scam. I was assured it was not.
 
Okay here we go something finally rattled lose and fell out of my brain.
Here's my idea for your story.

Army vet starts off with eye for an eye justice somebody he see's on the news or somebody from his past.
He later discovers this dark web website (instead of creating it) as a result of the feedback from his first vigilante experience. now he starts administering his karmic eye for an eye justice to people that are listed on the website.
At first it's very clean deaths like some people get shot or stabbed or something and the audience is on board with what he is doing.
The police have an opportunity to catch him and they LET HIM GO!! because they're on board with what he is doing too.

second act
He gets to a criminal that would torture their victims. He tortures this guy. You can go really dark here bc the film has not been super dark act 1.
Now people are kinda uneasy but some people are still on board.
Next criminal - it's no longer eye for an eye. He tortures this guy too.
The army vet has acquired a taste for torture. The audience turns and now we recognize him as the villain.
The police are kicking themselves in the ass and tormented that they had a chance to stop this guy and now he is torturing people.
They find the dark web site creators and put fake data in it, try to set up a sting.
interaction between the criminal and the police (this is like the chase scene in se7en where they almost catch him)

third act
the dark web site is shut down
he has to find a new way to get his victims ...
or whatever other direction you want to take the story
Thanks, few ideas for me to chew on there. One of them though is already similar to part of my story.

Early on in the film, the detective's partner gets suspended after he is accused of deliberately killing someone in custody. The main detective then gets assigned a new female partner. The whole thing is actually a ruse though, a plan devised between the two detectives and sanctioned by their chief. We don't find this out until the 3rd act but the detective has been submitting fake nominations to the site in order to get his former partner up the leaderboard. The plan is to bring the killer to them and then find out where his killing lair is. The reason for this is the police learn he is not killing the victims immediately, many are being kept alive in his lair and made to suffer. They want to find out where he is keeping them rather than arresting him immediately.

Ultimately, it doesn't work. The killer kidnaps the former partner and takes him to his lair. The main Detective has equipped his former partner with a GPS device hidden in a hearing aid. He gets the trace on him and at this point, he lets his new female partner in on the secret. When they get to his lair, they find the former partner alive but the killer has vanished. We then find out at the end that the female partner tipped him offf and the pair have been working together from the start. Without going into details, this reveal also explains several other mysteries from the film about how the killer always seems to be one step ahead of the police.
 
I'll have to find it again... I haven't been to it for about a year and I have a new laptop now so I'll have to install some software before I go in but sure... Once I find it? I'll send you a message.

Basically from my memory... The site allowed anyone to submit the image and STORY of someone who they felt needed to be killed. LOL. Once that submission was up and running? People vote on whether or not that person should be killed. Once all the votes are in? People begin sending crypto currency to the website to PAY for the assassination. Once an amount is collected? The contract is yours for the taking. In other words... Anyone can go take the person out and get paid.

Some of the details were sketchy and when I stumbled onto the site? I too thought it MIGHT make for a good spec... So I kept communicating with the people that ran the site just to get some answers from them on how they handle the money and how people would get paid yada yada. I acted like I was interested.

Now of course... It could have all been a scam. I was assured it was not.
Holy cr*p! Yes, message me if you find any more details. Does sound very similar to my premise albeit without the money/contract kill part.
 
As for humour, that is what I'm working on quite a bit at the moment. Banter between the main Detective and his partner. Plus humorous dialogue from the killer towards his victims.

I would go even further than that and incorporate some humorous situations. For example, maybe the whole thing is taking longer than expected, and he has to go do some laundry, or go grocery shopping because everyone has to eat. It introduces the prosaic which makes characters more relatable as well.
 
I would go even further than that and incorporate some humorous situations. For example, maybe the whole thing is taking longer than expected, and he has to go do some laundry, or go grocery shopping because everyone has to eat. It introduces the prosaic which makes characters more relatable as well.
I'm going to use that. Thanks. Made myself giggle picturing some scenes of him
 
You got me thinking about all this again so I started doing some surfing... Here's an interesting article about most of these sites are in fact, SCAMS:

Can You Really Hire a Hit Man on the Dark Web?

And now after a year of tinkering with this idea? Now I'm thinking about a group of people who scam people out of their money for these hits... That could be a great story.

Here's another great article... Click Here to Kill

Just finished reading this article and read this:

"In 2013, a developer using the alias Kuwabatake Sanjuro created what he called the Assassination Market. It was built largely according to Bell’s specifications, with a system in place for submitting predictions and donations. In an interview with Forbes, Sanjuro said that his ultimate intent was to destroy “all governments, everywhere.” Bounties of up to $75,000 were placed on the heads of President Obama; Ben Bernanke, the chair of the Federal Reserve; and Keith Alexander, the director of the National Security Agency. No one took the site very seriously, and it sat idle until 2018, when Sanjuro, apparently realizing that the bitcoin collected there had accrued over a million dollars in value, cashed out."

*NOTE: As soon as I read THE ASSASSINATION MARKET I remembered that was in fact the site... So I guess it's been longer than a year since I've been there. As it turns out? It was a scam.
 
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You got me thinking about all this again so I started doing some surfing... Here's an interesting article about most of these sites are in fact, SCAMS:

Can You Really Hire a Hit Man on the Dark Web?

my first thought is that it would be a setup by the police. honey pot to arrest people.
thats how they catch child predators, set up sites and then they click on it and the police come arrest them and search their computer.
 
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