archived-videos "Victim of Love" My first student short film (4:53)

Very well done here. Thought the writing/story was superb, the male actor could've been a little but stronger but the female actress did really well! Cinematography was stellar.
 
Nice job! What part of SoCal are you from? I almost think this would have been a lot darker had you used an objective narrator.

Almost like telling the noir from an omnipresent observer's standpoint. If that makes sense.
 
San Clemente! How about you?

Appreciate the feedback. My vision really was set on the ironic parallel structure of the two different narrations. But I definitely think your idea would be an interesting element to the story.
 
Pretty good man! Has a great student film feel, like, in a good way. Reminds me of film school.

"...point blank in the back"

He shot him in the front, and I noticed this mistake in narration. :)
 
Nice, I'm from Orange. If you ever want to collaborate let me know! I have a few ideas I am trying to get moving and I'm sure you do as well.
 
indietalk said:
Pretty good man! Has a great student film feel, like, in a good way. Reminds me of film school.

"...point blank in the back"

He shot him in the front, and I noticed this mistake in narration. :)
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Really appreciate it! Truly.

My actual intention there was that he was so disoriented/in shock after murdering someone that he doesn't really remember how he killed him. But yeah probably should've been just more straightforward with the dialogue there. :lol:
 
Stolrow said:
Looks beautiful and edited well. Jackson Hinkle was the weakest part of the film. Nice job Josh.
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Thanks Jack. Thanks for your awesome cinematography in this film. Also, yes I agree Jackson's performance was a little weak in comparison's to Carly, he is a first-time actor. :lol:
 
I think that this is brilliant. Particularly the writing. The structure is fantastic. I love the bookends in the narrative, the parallelism, the shift in POV. The cinematography is really sleek and lovely and you rocked the editing. Sound design is really smooth.

Two nitpicks: I'm not against profanity - there's definitely a time and a place - but it comes across as a crutch here. The acting was the weakest link in this piece, although the female lead was promising.

Based on what I saw here, I'd love to watch more of your work.
 
The voice over was pretty flat. Voice over acting isn't easy, admittedly.
In the dialogue scene, try to use more response shots, otherwise it has too much of a student film look.
The pacing is a little off, but that will improve with time, so not so much of an issue.

And the scene of the pair running.... these are not easy things to shoot, I have to say. They seem simple, but you probably noticed yourself something was just "off" about it... the pace, the double shot of leader to follower. The side angle being static and taking away from the motion. It can be tricky to actually get such a scene to work well.
 
I don't like the poster, it looks like Atari just released a new game (but it is 1983). :lol: No offense. I'd rather see a black and white still from the flick... or did you get any actual promo stills? Next time, on set, try to remember that... :)
 
UPDATE: I submitted this film for the USC Cinematic Arts application, and was recently offered admission as an undergrad for the fall. I know many people have reserved feelings on film school, but I thought that was cool to share. More content coming soon.
 
Probably good to add another update that I submitted this film for the NYU Tisch Film School Application and was admitted! Both incredible film schools, but I have to choose one, and I'm going to be attending USC in the fall to study screenwriting and directing.
 
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