archived-videos my web series - your opinion

L

LDS

Hey! So I am working on a web series on youtube and would like to get your constructive feedback?

is it funny?
does it have potential?
is it original?
are the characters "likeable"
would you watch second episode? if not, why?

what changes does it need? etc...

Would be very appreciated as I dont get much help from the actors, they just do what I ask them to do :(

here it is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zHn8gEdNaE

thanks! :) :cool:
 
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This one's a miss, sorry dude. (saw it linked from your FB page)

The story has no structure or pacing at all. The ending punchline, weak as it is, could really have used a strong wind-up to it but falls pretty short. The characters are not fleshed out, and there are no stakes or consequences to consider. Nor who the two main characters are, or their relationship to the now-deceased accused let alone to each other.

Also, the audio at the beginning is very muddy, when you've mixed the Bad Boys song with the V/O. Struggled to make out the dialogue, but that's a whole other thing.

I've liked much of your other material. Not this one.

.
 
Zensteve said:
This one's a miss, sorry dude. (saw it linked from your FB page)

The story has no structure or pacing at all. The ending punchline, weak as it is, could really have used a strong wind-up to it but falls pretty short. The characters are not fleshed out, and there are no stakes or consequences to consider. Nor who the two main characters are, or their relationship to the now-deceased accused let alone to each other.

Also, the audio at the beginning is very muddy, when you've mixed the Bad Boys song with the V/O. Struggled to make out the dialogue, but that's a whole other thing.

I've liked much of your other material. Not this one.

.
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Uh... I see... well... I am not great at comedy lol I just wanted to give it a shot as I have the equiptment and time and just wanted to put it in use.

I was watching a lot of the YouTube guys (Shane Dawson for example) their videos get 1-5 million hits and the videos are just, a guy with silly make up and wig =/

I know there is a lot missing in it, that was the purpose of asking for constructive feedback to work on it, I don't want to give up on it, I want to make at least 4-5 more videos.


It is hard to let people get to know characters in 5 minutes I think... Especially when there is more than one? Or I just need to work on that on the second video/episode :cool:

I do appreciate constructive feedback as that is what will make it "better" (I hope :) )
 
What the duck is this?

I think that I would watch this if it would be serious, even there are some issues with the audio etc.

But yes I would watch this, but not like this. I do not like at all that you use someones music without permission btw, it is not that hard to find a composer to do the score, specially for short web series like this.

I do like the edit and the style but I am not sure if this series of yours know if it is a (awful) comedy or an action show.

Why dont you just do a straight forward action cop show, I would like to see that.
 
itarumaa said:
What the duck is this?

I think that I would watch this if it would be serious, even there are some issues with the audio etc.

But yes I would watch this, but not like this. I do not like at all that you use someones music without permission btw, it is not that hard to find a composer to do the score, specially for short web series like this.

I do like the edit and the style but I am not sure if this series of yours know if it is a (awful) comedy or an action show.

Why dont you just do a straight forward action cop show, I would like to see that.
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I understand what you mean... The reason for "comedy" is... I met with a writer who writes comedy sketches for BBC, Channel 4 etc... and he said if I ever come up with any "comedy" series, I should let him know... so that's why I wanted to do something different... comedy but with guns... this is my first attempt to comedy (well actually I am lying I did try to make "funny" films but.. it didn;t work out) the reason for the pilot is to find co-writers who actually know what is funny or know... Action series, yes it will "sell" on youtube probably, but not very much on TV.... Tho comedy with guns, won't sell on daytime tv... I just wanted to mix both and throw it out there on youtube then get the feedback and then polish it and see how it gets on.

about a composer... I did look, I found but the guy never got back to me and I couldn't wait longer so had to go with plan B. and there is a lot of "series" with actual songs being used :cool::yes:
 
Consider it a good practice for future projects, but I personally wouldn't watch anymore. I couldnt even finish the first episode
 
Alright buddy I am not going to talk about the story ,pacing or anything like that.

Some constructive criticism I want to throw it about the scenes where you have the interrogation scene .

Really when doing shots like that you need to have some shot design . I am not saying to hire professionals but really just a chair and a blank ugly wall is just painful to watch.

Put something ,painting , anything really . This boring wall hurt my eyes .

Also , instead of so many tripod shots of all 3 of you , put more close ups of the guy on the chair .

Also your outfit in my opinion does not suit the tone of your film . I know you want to be gangster , but you have 1930s fashion clothes and then modern streets .

Also the duck censorship really annoyed me , maybe it was just for the joke but it's not funny and it's kinda like you're not taking your film seriously .

Please don't be discouraged by some of the negative feedback . Take it as a constructive criticism and I am absolutely sure you'll do much much better next time .

Good luck !
 
NickysFX said:
Alright buddy I am not going to talk about the story ,pacing or anything like that.

Some constructive criticism I want to throw it about the scenes where you have the interrogation scene .

Really when doing shots like that you need to have some shot design . I am not saying to hire professionals but really just a chair and a blank ugly wall is just painful to watch.

Put something ,painting , anything really . This boring wall hurt my eyes .

Also , instead of so many tripod shots of all 3 of you , put more close ups of the guy on the chair .

Also your outfit in my opinion does not suit the tone of your film . I know you want to be gangster , but you have 1930s fashion clothes and then modern streets .

Also the duck censorship really annoyed me , maybe it was just for the joke but it's not funny and it's kinda like you're not taking your film seriously .

Please don't be discouraged by some of the negative feedback . Take it as a constructive criticism and I am absolutely sure you'll do much much better next time .

Good luck !
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no worries, I don't take constructive criticism, negatively :)

I didn't have space to film it (I live in London and there is NO location to film... everything is illegal or you have to pay £100's

about the clothing... that is the point! as I wrote it above, it is hard to show everything in 5 minutes, those two "gangsters" are delusioned - they think they are 1950's gangsters but they're just idiots.

This is not a serious series... it's a comedy - a piss take of "gangster" films. I don't take it seriously, none of us does... - I think this forum is a wrong place for this kind of "videos"... Here everyone is the "serious film maker" which I sometimes am myself, but I just have fun with this one, I don't take myself serious...being serious is boring and lame that's why I wanted to take a "piss" :cool: life is too short for that ;) and so I thought there might be "fun" people on here... lol... Me was wrong :cool:
 
That was a hard watch. I won't go into talking about technical aspects, but rather I'll talk about length. It was a long, long, watch if you want it to be the start of a sketch based comedy. You talk about Youtubers with millions of views for doing something simple. That's true, but they usually already have a fanbase from somewhere.

Lets take a London example - Knighthood and Decoy.
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDmSnqbQcsmm11Mxz6K2DhAUVFZabqkt8
Their views arnt massive, but they're funny sketches with proper production values and do have some popular videos in the mix. Most episodes are 2-3 minutes, with a lot being sub 3. This means everything is kept very tight and funny. A sprawling six minute video like yours is just hard to sit through, especially when what comedy we're seeing in the first minute is something just very 'eh' like the duck overlay when you say fuck.
 
micster said:
That was a hard watch. I won't go into talking about technical aspects, but rather I'll talk about length. It was a long, long, watch if you want it to be the start of a sketch based comedy. You talk about Youtubers with millions of views for doing something simple. That's true, but they usually already have a fanbase from somewhere.

Lets take a London example - Knighthood and Decoy.
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDmSnqbQcsmm11Mxz6K2DhAUVFZabqkt8
Their views arnt massive, but they're funny sketches with proper production values and do have some popular videos in the mix. Most episodes are 2-3 minutes, with a lot being sub 3. This means everything is kept very tight and funny. A sprawling six minute video like yours is just hard to sit through, especially when what comedy we're seeing in the first minute is something just very 'eh' like the duck overlay when you say fuck.
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well they got those views cuz of the Celebs they have involved... I bet if I had Daniel Radcliffe in it, or at least Warwick Davis just like those guys, I would already have 1.000's of views and likes at least :cool: :P + they are supported by other UK well "known" YouTubers.
 
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I liked the opening shots, (sometimes) the acting, and some of the cinematography. But the audio is really muddy, the story drags, there's no real tension, it didn't keep my interest, it wasn't funny, and the film is WAY too long. I think if you made it really bad it could have been funny. I have enjoyed most of your work, but I think this is probably your weakest film. I hope the next one turns out well.
 
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