...I didn't get it. Soldiers dream things we can't imagine? Well alright then, but I don't see the point of making a film about it.
Nor did I fully understand the things you shot for it - sure, a soldier walking about and the sun is shining, etcetera etcetera, but the girl?
When asked when to use narrative, someone on this board said "If you can't tell the story without it, then don't use it" - and without the narrative, this film doesn't have anything to it. Also, for something that's trying to be deep for whatever reason, it's incredibly short.
See, if I had done something like this, I would have started off the film with the funeral of a soldier, and one of the people inherits his diary. As the person reads through it, that's when I'd start cutting in the shots of the soldier whilst he was alive and using the narration, but then I'd also link the narration to what was being shown. If people wanted a story told only through sound, they'd buy an audiobook, not watch a film.