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PassionPulp

PassionPulp

I am writing my first screenplay.
It really didn't take long.
And it's not bad.
But my style, I'd have to say, favors Kubrick and Van Sant, who both are known for taking their time in their films.
So there is a lot of time lapse in my writing.
I may double space in scenes that take more than a minute.
I've already gotten 120 pages, and I'm not finished.
I feel if I take out all of the spacing, it would seem much shorter than it would be.
There's a lot of ambiance and scenery shots.
I don't feel that I could fill all the spacing with description.
What is time lapse normally signified by?
 
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PassionPulp said:
I am writing my first screenplay. It really didn't take long. And it's not bad.
... there is a lot of time lapse in my writing.
Click to expand...
By time lapse, do you mean scriptwise events jumping over the lifespan of a character?

I may double space in scenes that take more than a minute.
I've already gotten 120 pages, and I'm not finished.
I feel if I take out all of the spacing, it would seem much shorter than it would be.
Click to expand...
For some odd reason, only TV comedies use double spaced scripts. Spacing in a feature script should be consistent and single spaced. The exceptions being to avoid breaking up dialogue or description at the bottom of a page. Many readers frown on writers who try to cram as much into their page as possible. Also by following formatting the 1 page = 1 minute rule plays out closely. Which means that you double space in scenes that are more than a page? It sounds like you have too much white space. Having a longer script is not better. Most studios would prefer scripts of 90 pages. If you're at 120 pages and not finished, the spacing should go. Remember, it's the content that dictates the movie length.

There's a lot of ambiance and scenery shots. I don't feel that I could fill all the spacing with description.
Click to expand...
You shouldn't. You should fill it with action and dialogue. You should keep to a minimum of description. You may only need 2-4 sentences after the slugline to set the ambience and give a sense of the scene. The set designers, lighting crew and other experts will take it from there.

What is time lapse normally signified by?
Click to expand...
Dialogue, visual elements, titling, etc. In the slugline you can write (LATER) if more than a day and then add a note in the description. Within the day just use INT./EXT. LOCATION - LATER.

Code: 
INT.  OFFICE - DAY

Sam is working away when his phone rings.

The clock on the wall shows 2:45 pm.

INT. OFFICE - LATER

Sam glances up and notice the clock reads 4:20.

He packs up his briefcase and heads to the door.

INT.  OFFICE - MORNING

Sam yawns as he enters the office with coffee in hand.

He looks down at his desk calendar and flips it to May 28th.

INT. OFFICE - MORNING (LATER)

The secretary drops a file on Sam's desk.

Desk calendar reads July 21st.
These are not arbitrary double spacings. Each is a unique shot.

You may have too many doublespaces or it may be your descriptions are too dense. The best option is to remove the extra spacing and then clean up the action lines. Fluffing a script to look longer is not in your best interest.
 
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PassionPulp said:
You sunk my battleship.
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Oh, Dude - please, pretty please - you gotta tough it out greater than that.
For really.

We haven't even really started beating you up!
(I'm tittering and giggling! Seriously, it's okay. I'm just messin' with you).

For my first short review I had a dozen people just... FILLET & FRY my a$$!
It was brutal.
Second one didn't go much better.
Half dozen projects later it got better, but I'm either just stupid or tough.

For real, what are your intentions with the final product?
Let's get you there as efficiently as possible.
 
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No one is here to "sink battleships" (besides I'd rather have your Aircraft Carrier ;) )


Very supportive people here who really give legitimate feedback, we all want others to succeed here (yes I know that sounds rare for an Internet Forum, but here it's legit).

Probably the friendliest place I've been on the net, we're all here to help :)
 
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rayw said:
For my first short review I had a dozen people just... FILLET & FRY my a$$!
It was brutal.
Second one didn't go much better.
Click to expand...

Very true, though I didn't have half a dozen. I think that the lack of formatting in my script really turned people away.

But I agree, don't let anyone sink your battleship and give up - gather your pieces and play another game
 
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rayw said:
Oh, Dude - please, pretty please - you gotta tough it out greater than that.
For really.

We haven't even really started beating you up!
(I'm tittering and giggling! Seriously, it's okay. I'm just messin' with you).

For my first short review I had a dozen people just... FILLET & FRY my a$$!
It was brutal.
Second one didn't go much better.
Half dozen projects later it got better, but I'm either just stupid or tough.

For real, what are your intentions with the final product?
Let's get you there as efficiently as possible.
Click to expand...

You sunk my battleship-you answered my question perfectly.
 
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directorik said:
Which Kubrick and Van Sant scripts have you read?
Click to expand...


I've checked out A Clockwork Orange and 2001: A Space Odyssey.
I should have and will read some Van Sant like Elephant or Paranoid Park.

I've read Tarantino and noticed how different he writes from Kubrick.
I've seen Kubrick use a lot of description.
Tarantino's format seems to write how everyone else does.
 
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rayw said:
What are you going to do with it when you're finished?
Shoot it yourself or schlep it around for a spec sale?
Click to expand...

I plan on making it myself when I'm ready.
I'm not quite finished writing it.
And I'm 15.
I don't have the tools necessary to make this film.
Also, it's set in Albuquerque and Northwest New Mexico Desert.
I live in east Texas.
I don't think I would be able to sell it to another filmmaker.
To me, selling one of my scripts is like giving away one of my children to a stranger and saying "Good Luck".
I say that, but if I had no chance of making it myself, I would rather be involved in making the film than not involved at all.
 
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