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watch WASTED LIFE - First Short Film

I'd have to say that's a very decent effort for a first short. I liked the editing with the gun and saying "day after day after day". Was the coffee cup a godard homage? nice touch. Obviously at this point every element can be improved upon. For starters, I think most of the dialogue was decent, but the flow of the characters was a bit jumpy if you know what I mean. You have to get in their head and respond to the situation as opposed to just making them do or way what you want to be said or done.

The sound is something that could easily be improved upon to give more dignity and viewing pleasure to your piece. The acting needs work also but that will take more time and practice.

Well everything takes time and practice but keep it up, your off to a good start.

The editing would be something to focus on for post.

Obviously you used a cheaper camera, but I think you did a good job with it. Be careful about what shots you cut between, keep the 30 degree rule in mind. Don't go from one shot to another where the difference in angle is smaller than 30 degrees, most of the time its an awkward cut although I've seen it work. Focus on how your using your camera before you jump to a better image quality. I think a lot of people jump up to a camera they are not ready for because they think the pretty colors will make up for amateur cinematography. maybe for techie geeks thats fun but not for artists.

keep up the work, you'll be surprised how much you improve from one project to the next.
 
I liked it heaps, especially for a first short film.

The only advice I have to give is pay attention to continuity for your next short as there seems to be major problems in this short.

Other than that, good stuff.
 
Thank you for the constructive criticism. I filmed this short with in one day with my friends who aren't actors, threfore it wasn't as precisely constructed as I'd hoped, but overall I am pleased. I know that some of the cuts don't really feel right, in these sections I should have planned out the shots more so that in post they flowed better. I don't plan on getting a better camera like a DSLR anytime soon, I won't make that step until I can fully justify it with good material. Unlike so many films I see on youtube who's filmakers think they're film is artistic just because of the expensive camera.
 
I enjoyed it - reminiscient of the raymond k hessel scene in fight club, haha.

I agree with what kgasser2 has to say entirely, however I think the jump cuts actually contributed to the awkward, discomforting feel of the film which seems to be what you were going for.
 
I loved the cinematography and story to this. Great meaning to it and you did a great job. However, I feel like this short would have greatly benefited a bit better audio production to it. Other than that, great job, keep up the good work!
 
Nice job for a first short. I liked the editing in general. Good use of short shots to convey content. As others have pointed out, sound quality (echo) and camera (color saturation) are weak points.

Honestly though, the story itself is worth shooting again once you are at a stage to address the current suggestions. Don't walk away from this one because you've finished it. With some polish, this could be a very good production.

Don
 
I like the extreme close up at 44 and how the alarm is his phone which adds a feeling of realism. There was some TC issues on the sound. When they were at the park and cut back and forth between angles. Also I liked the use of cuts that seemed to purposely break the 30 degree rule. I also thought that at 3:26 the acting kind of got bad for a minute. The moral of the story, and the story itself was great and the whole thing was fantastic. Would you possibly expand this subject? Make a longer version? Possibly with the Double glazing salesman's background story? Overall though, I liked it.
 
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Thanks for the valid points. I'd like to know what people think of the colours in terms of saturation etc, I tried to make them suit the tone of the story.
 
It actually had something to say, and a dramatic framework for saying it. That puts it ahead of 90% of the others.

One thing could make it stronger if it was redone. Make the opening stronger, less of a cliche (man wakes up for work). That opening has been done so many times it's best to spin it some way. Make it more specific. Make it stand out from a sea of similar scenes.

The other thing you might try is a different music soundtrack. That did get a little repetitive by the end.
 
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