archived-videos Trust - Short Thriller

T

tommygdawg

Hey everyone,

For those of you who may recall, probably 3ish weeks ago I uploaded the teaser for my thriller, Trust. I've finally released Trust to the world and would love to get some feedback from you all. Let me know what you think! Be honest, be harsh if you have to :) Thanks!

Trust is a short action thriller that follows the chance meeting of two individuals on the road who quickly begin to suspect one another of hiding deep secrets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKOhgqlT_Ck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKOhgqlT_Ck
 
Upvote 0
The characters are not convincing.
They act like you're hiding behind a tree, telling them what to do.
The motivation for their actions is lame.
Too many U turns. (Even though, when written well, It's my fav type of story)

Probably you don't know your characters very well...
 
kinglis said:
The characters are not convincing.
They act like you're hiding behind a tree, telling them what to do.
The motivation for their actions is lame.
Too many U turns. (Even though, when written well, It's my fav type of story)

Probably you don't know your characters very well...
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Interesting. Thanks for watching and for taking the time to tell me what you think :)
 
I didn't like it. It felt like I was watching a feature film and the middle had been cut out. I just didn't get the characters. At times the dialogue felt Tommy Wiseau-ish. It needed more development.

On the plus side, the camera work was okay. Felt too shaky at times though. The colour grading you did was to me inconsistent at times, but overall a good effort.

Liked the editing, not so much the music.
 
kinglis said:
I didn't enjoy the "view" through the car windows either :)
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Was it greenscreened?

I wasn't able to make it through. I stopped when the big guy had his gun out and the skinny guy decides that's the ideal time to tackle him. It didn't feel plausible so I stopped.

I saw the 17 minute length, and it sets the bar higher -- I ask myself am I really going to invest in this? I've watched some terrible shorts her through completion, much worse than this one which wasn't bad, because they were just a few minutes long. Good effort though.
 
Sucramdoow said:
I didn't like it. It felt like I was watching a feature film and the middle had been cut out. I just didn't get the characters. At times the dialogue felt Tommy Wiseau-ish. It needed more development.

On the plus side, the camera work was okay. Felt too shaky at times though. The colour grading you did was to me inconsistent at times, but overall a good effort.

Liked the editing, not so much the music.
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I'm not sure I understand the feature film comment, sure it's a little fast paced, but it has a clear beginning, middle, and end. I don't understand the Tommy Wiseau-ish comment either. The characters are intentionally ambiguous. The idea is that you can't TRUST either of them and you don't know if they're telling the truth. Are they what they say they are? Are they more? Are they less? That's for the viewer to decide.

I agree with the camera work and the color grading. Thanks for watching and commenting :)

kinglis said:
I didn't enjoy the "view" through the car windows either :)
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I'm sorry to hear that.

brianluce said:
Was it greenscreened?

I wasn't able to make it through. I stopped when the big guy had his gun out and the skinny guy decides that's the ideal time to tackle him. It didn't feel plausible so I stopped.

I saw the 17 minute length, and it sets the bar higher -- I ask myself am I really going to invest in this? I've watched some terrible shorts her through completion, much worse than this one which wasn't bad, because they were just a few minutes long. Good effort though.
Click to expand...

Yes, it was greenscreened. The reason the "skinny guy" tackles the "big guy" is because he's high and a little off his rocker. He's obviously making irrational decisions. I hardly find this a reason to stop watching the film. I'm glad this is a cut above average, and I agree seventeen minutes seems like a lot to ask for, but really, how much time are you wasting in the grand scheme of things? I just don't feel that it's fair to judge a film based on the first 5-7 minutes.
 
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tommygdawg said:
I just don't feel that it's fair to judge a film based on the first 5-7 minutes.
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IMHO, A film is like a sandwich.
If the first bite tastes off or funny then... whatever.
Lettuce see about the second bite... Same.
Sh!t.
Now I'm not so sure about that third bite and I'm pretty d@mn sure I ain't gonna eat the whole thing.
In fact, screwwit! I'm skipping the third bite.
I'm gonna find something else to put in my mouth.

Lettuce try these... WTH are these? "Monkey Chips".
Okay. Whatever.
(opens bag) Crunches a chip.
Blecht!
GD! Are these monkey sh!ts or chips of monkeys?
Efffffff meeeee!
I need something to wash this taste outta my mouth.

Lettuce try a can of... WTH is this? "Buzzy Bees Power Potion".
Sure. Whatever.
(pops can open) Sips.
Spewwwwwww!
FUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEE!
(inside can POV of a very displeased Ray eyeballin' down in there)
Are there some dead bees in there or did the monkey take his last wizz in there before sh!ttin' in the "Monkey Chips" bag?


Yeah.
If a feature length film makes you wanna turn it off in the first ten to twenty minutes odds are the next seventy minute ain't gonna make you feel glad you didn't turn it off.
If a short makes you wanna turn it off two minutes in... five bucks says... the next few minutes are gonna be excruciating as well.

FYI, it's plenty fair to judge anything right off the bat.
 
rayw said:
IMHO, A film is like a sandwich.
If the first bite tastes off or funny then... whatever.
Lettuce see about the second bite... Same.
Sh!t.
Now I'm not so sure about that third bite and I'm pretty d@mn sure I ain't gonna eat the whole thing.
In fact, screwwit! I'm skipping the third bite.
I'm gonna find something else to put in my mouth.

Lettuce try these... WTH are these? "Monkey Chips".
Okay. Whatever.
(opens bag) Crunches a chip.
Blecht!
GD! Are these monkey sh!ts or chips of monkeys?
Efffffff meeeee!
I need something to wash this taste outta my mouth.

Lettuce try a can of... WTH is this? "Buzzy Bees Power Potion".
Sure. Whatever.
(pops can open) Sips.
Spewwwwwww!
FUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEE!
(inside can POV of a very displeased Ray eyeballin' down in there)
Are there some dead bees in there or did the monkey take his last wizz in there before sh!ttin' in the "Monkey Chips" bag?


Yeah.
If a feature length film makes you wanna turn it off in the first ten to twenty minutes odds are the next seventy minute ain't gonna make you feel glad you didn't turn it off.
If a short makes you wanna turn it off two minutes in... five bucks says... the next few minutes are gonna be excruciating as well.

FYI, it's plenty fair to judge anything right off the bat.
Click to expand...

I felt the same after the first few lines of your post.
 
Tommy, you're a little defensive on this. If you want people to review your work, you should consider being more conciliatory.

I stop watching things when I feel like it okay? I was trying to be generous in my critique. Are you here to accept constructive advice or defend your work? If it's the latter, I have zero interest in giving feedback.

Put another way, your attitude sucks. I regret entering this discussion.
 
Visually interesting. The hacked GH1 video looks good. There was that one scene I was kinda wishing you'd follow focused, I guess when he's walking toward the farm. Good job on the audio and score. I like Joel Knight. He has a good presence, interesting look, and interesting voice.
 
brianluce said:
Tommy, you're a little defensive on this. If you want people to review your work, you should consider being more conciliatory.

I stop watching things when I feel like it okay? I was trying to be generous in my critique. Are you here to accept constructive advice or defend your work? If it's the latter, I have zero interest in giving feedback.

Put another way, your attitude sucks. I regret entering this discussion.
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I'm here to do both. I want constructive feedback but if you tell me you stopped watching because Steve attacked Dwayne when Dwayne had him at gun point then I feel like I should at least try to explain why he did that...

Constructive criticism is definitely what I want but I don't feel like that I have to 100% agree with everything everyone says in a review. At the very least I should be able to try to explain why something is the way it is in the hopes that it will make more sense. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm sorry you regret entering the discussion. That was not my intent. To say my attitude sucks because of this is a little ridiculous, in my opinion.

richy said:
Visually interesting. The hacked GH1 video looks good. There was that one scene I was kinda wishing you'd follow focused, I guess when he's walking toward the farm. Good job on the audio and score. I like Joel Knight. He has a good presence, interesting look, and interesting voice.
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Thanks, Richy. There was some follow focusing going on in that scene, but not enough. It was really hard to tell how in focus it was on the tiny LCD, which is why it turned out soft, sadly. But, I agree with you. Thanks for watching and commenting :)
 
tommygdawg said:
I'm not sure I understand the feature film comment, sure it's a little fast paced, but it has a clear beginning, middle, and end. I don't understand the Tommy Wiseau-ish comment either. The characters are intentionally ambiguous. The idea is that you can't TRUST either of them and you don't know if they're telling the truth. Are they what they say they are? Are they more? Are they less? That's for the viewer to decide.

I agree with the camera work and the color grading. Thanks for watching and commenting :)
Click to expand...


I was implying that it didn't have a middle to the story. It leapt from their chance encounter to becoming really buddy and open with each other to downright paranoia. For a 17 minute film, it either needed tightening, better motivation or just do a feature length film. The characters were not believable, IMO.

The Tommy Wiseau comment is, in retrospect a bit harsh, but those were my initial reactions. Here's a taster of his writing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ4KzClb1C4

The dialogue didn't feel natural, and considering everything else with the story it just didn't gel together.


The reason the "skinny guy" tackles the "big guy" is because he's high and a little off his rocker. He's obviously making irrational decisions.
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Yeah, but why is he making irrational decisions? I know you were going for the ambiguity thing and making the audience decide for themselves, but afterwards my thoughts were "Eh, I don't care". You have to give the audience at least something to work with.

I hardly find this a reason to stop watching the film. I'm glad this is a cut above average, and I agree seventeen minutes seems like a lot to ask for, but really, how much time are you wasting in the grand scheme of things? I just don't feel that it's fair to judge a film based on the first 5-7 minutes.
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I disagree here. You can judge a film based on the first 5 minutes, hell even the first 3. Especially a short film.

I can't seem to work out how you want feedback from your films to go (I checked out your other stuff). It feels like you just want positive criticism, and nothing else. You should consider your films as works in progress rather than your "masterpiece". Take what people say and review it. Don't let it upset you in any way. You have a way with the camera and are good at editing, so that's at least something, you just need to work on your script-writing.
 
Sucramdoow said:
Yeah, but why is he making irrational decisions? I know you were going for the ambiguity thing and making the audience decide for themselves, but afterwards my thoughts were "Eh, I don't care". You have to give the audience at least something to work with.

I can't seem to work out how you want feedback from your films to go (I checked out your other stuff). It feels like you just want positive criticism, and nothing else. You should consider your films as works in progress rather than your "masterpiece". Take what people say and review it. Don't let it upset you in any way. You have a way with the camera and are good at editing, so that's at least something, you just need to work on your script-writing.
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The reasons he's making irrational decisions is because he's high. He's an addict returning to his drug, so he's not making good decisions.

I do also find the Tommy Wiseau comment harsh, hence why I don't understand it because that's one of the most terrible films and scripts I've ever seen.

All I'm trying to do is if someone presents something as a flaw in the film, I want to at least try and explain why that thing is there. I'm the first to admit that my films aren't perfect and need work :) So, I do thank you for the criticism and for watching and I do take it to heart. I'm sure you understand that it's upsetting when people don't like something you've put so much work into...but I do take honest looks at my films with the criticism in mind, I'm not just ignoring it :)
 
tommygdawg said:
The reasons he's making irrational decisions is because he's high. He's an addict returning to his drug, so he's not making good decisions.
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I am going to re-iterate from earlier. I didn't get it, or rather I just didn't care. Plus I've never seen someone who is high go that over the top, especially after sniffing cocaine that quickly. Perhaps you've had other experiences, I dunno.


All I'm trying to do is if someone presents something as a flaw in the film, I want to at least try and explain why that thing is there. I'm the first to admit that my films aren't perfect and need work :) So, I do thank you for the criticism and for watching and I do take it to heart. I'm sure you understand that it's upsetting when people don't like something you've put so much work into...but I do take honest looks at my films with the criticism in mind, I'm not just ignoring it :)
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Of course you can explain why it's there, but if you properly presented it in the film you wouldn't have to.

Yeah I agree, when people give criticism of my work it's slightly upsetting, but I take it as a positive.
 
Sucramdoow said:
I am going to re-iterate from earlier. I didn't get it, or rather I just didn't care. Plus I've never seen someone who is high go that over the top, especially after sniffing cocaine that quickly. Perhaps you've had other experiences, I dunno.




Of course you can explain why it's there, but if you properly presented it in the film you wouldn't have to.

Yeah I agree, when people give criticism of my work it's slightly upsetting, but I take it as a positive.
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I've had no experience with drugs, so that might be the problem. :P And I agree with you. I just realized that I wrote this about a year ago now...I didn't even think about that when shooting because it just took so long to shoot, so that's probably why the writing is a bit behind the scripts I'm writing now. It's all stepping stones, I suppose.
 
tommygdawg said:
Constructive criticism is definitely what I want but I don't feel like that I have to 100% agree with everything everyone says in a review. To say my attitude sucks because of this is a little ridiculous, in my opinion.


:)
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I don't like tearing down films that people do here. But you seem interested not in feedback but a round of applause. You can't accept any criticism and make us feel like it's our fault for not appreciating your film. When some one says they stopped watching your film after ten minutes or stopped reading your script after 10 pages, that's all the info most people need. You want more specifics?

I thought your film was Not believable, ex con as a stockbroker? poorly acted, poorly written, not interesting, slow, plodding, I thought the near car crash was poorly staged, casting was wrong, wardrobe, especially the stockbroker's wasn't right, and it felt like punishment to continue watching so I stopped. It was in a downward spiral as soon as the credits ended. Photography wasn't interesting, it was dull, lifeless, and generally on the same sub par level as everything else in the film, actually including the credits.

I've seen worse, but this thing misfired on nearly every level. Not saying I could do better, but this, in my assessment (and it looks like nearly everyone else's) is a bad film.
 
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