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Trimming Dialogue -- What Stays & What Goes

Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC

Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC

As I am writing the screenplay for IC3 - The Singularity, I am cutting out more and more dialogue.

My rules for keeping dialoguue are these:

1. Is it short enough to sound like real dialogue? People don't talk in complete sentences and they use a lot of contractions.

2. What does the dialogue do for the story? Does it build the characters and any back story?

3. Can the story survive without the dialogue? If the dialogue is pulled out, does the scene and scene to follow survive?
 
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Good for you sir!

I am the number proponent of cutting out all the damn jibber jabber. I have to parse my scripts differently when I consider run time because my 13 page scripts will run about 25 minutes because it's 60% or more action.

I always think "If this sentence doesn't reveal something important about the character or advance the plot in a critical way then cut it".
 
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Exxactly!

Remember, people should feel something after they see a film to make it great!

What does the action do for the story needs to be asked too.

Some times action came just be an emotionally moving visual that can do more than a fight scene or car chase.
 
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I opened a novel that way. The inside of a bedroom is a very effective way of telling a lot about a character.

Even in the production I'm ediiting, 2 people don't like me leaving in a cyborg Colonel saying, "Uh-oh," to warn her group to look ahead to see the silver demon hunters are setting up a rocket launcher to attack them. I'm leaving that dialogue in because it is a natural thing someone would do to get the attention of everyone to look ahead for a dangerous situation. It's the only dialogue in the whole scece. As soon as she does, the cyborgs use their bodies to shield the humans who run behind the cyborgs for cover from the attack.
 
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I found it quite interesting that, in the Chris Nolan interview somebody posted a few days ago, he said that he intentionally writes and shoots way too much exposition so that he has myriad choices in the editing room of different ways to get the story across. Most of it ends up on the cutting room floor, but he never has to do any re-shooting (which is much more expensive than shooting it in the first place) in order to clarify a plot point.

I'd never heard of any director working that way before. Makes a great deal of sense.
 
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That does make sense and I'd love to have that much time on a shoot.

Audiences are trained. They understand visual language. It's what makes film different from the stage (which is dialogue driven). We have so much control over exactly what they see and how they see it and when they see it, words almost become a secondary method of communicating.
 
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A choice of words a character uses has to further the personality of the character as well. Colonel Azzurra would say, "Uh-oh" because she is on the timid side as is establihed in scenes earliier in the production. The cyborgs worry humans will see that as a weakness they don't want in a Special Forces officer. So, they hide her timidness from the humans because they see value in Azzurra being a brilliant scientist.

Another cyborg would be more dramatic with a cynamatic expression like, "Fire in the hole!" or, "Holy S___", but that doesn't work with Azzurra's personality.

That's just another rule of story and dialogue.
 
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Gonzo_Entertainment said:
I'd love to have that much time on a shoot.
Click to expand...

I think Nolan was primarily talking about dialogue. He said he has different characters explain redundant plot points throughout the various scenes, knowing he will eliminate all or most of those lines in post. But he has them if he winds up needing them to make things clearer for the audience. It doesn't really involve a lot of extra shooting, just additional spoken lines during dialogue scenes.

To me, nothing sticks out like a sore thumb more than an ADR line added in post over a cutaway to try and clear something up. I've seen this in many, many films, including some of the greatest...

Ridley Scott's Alien, for example. Parker's line: "He's a robot! Ash is a goddamn robot!" I have no proof that was the case, but I'd be willing to bet money on it.
 
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Big budget movies have lots of money to throw down the drain. Small productions are more under pressure to make every shot count. Wasted scenes and shots really hurt the wallet.

Better than Chris Nolan is to watch the movie "Kill And Kill Again" where the "Spirit of Karate" is explained where every move, every breath, and every eye blink has meaning" No movement must be wasted.

That applies to writing a great script with layered characters and a layered story. Every character and story element must connect.
 
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Here are my rules on dialogue.
Scenes need to be efficient. Useless dialogue is the styrofoam packing peanut of cinema. It's just filler that bogs things down. When characters are TALKING, that is time spent where they are not DOING, therefore the plot is not doing much development.

A piece of dialogue only has value to contribute to a scene if it does one or more of the following:
1. Advances the scene's action to its intended conclusion.
2. Further develops character.
3. Provides conflict.

Write dialogue like you are armed with a sniper rifle. Get maximum impact with minimal ammo. That means to not only communicate the most meaning with the least amount of words, but the least amount of SYLLABLES.
 
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Here are my thoughts on dialog... I write the scene with no dialog to begin with, then add dialog to make it seem real... I'd prefer no dialog (because I'm not that good with it)... but writing the scene visually first, tells the story for me the best.
 
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I will add one additional rule to Scriptmonk's list. The dialogue must reflect what the character would say. Characters are individuals coming from many different paths of life.

I already gave the example of Colonel Azzurra and why she would say, "Uh-oh" instead of being dramatic with, "Fire in the hole!" It has to do with her personality.

The cast and I are having a good time developing cyborg characters that are individuals as opposed to part of a collective or singular mind like in Star Trek, Terminator, and Battlestar Galactica. But, we are sticking to the believe that machines will always be less emotional than humans and look at more possibilities into solving problems.

People like to think of film as only a visual art. But, it's more than that. Film is audio / visual. Neither dialogue nor visuals should be wasted.
 
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What Knightly said reminds me of what a screenplay instructor told me. The difference between a script and a treatment is the treatment has no dialogue and a screenplay does.

I usually write an outline, than a treatment, before a script.
 
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