https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcVN80Zqcr0
Shorten that intro to <5secs.
Don't need quotation marks around the film's title.
0:17 white balance for incandescent lights
0:24 add extra lighting outside so that the contrast between dark exterior and bright interior doesn't crush all your blacks outside. There's a lot of left field black empty nothing going on. Consider tightening up the shot with a closer shot using a zoom or longer lens.
0:27 white balance
Control the L/R "steering wheel rocking." You can go up and down or left and right, but don't "drive" the camera angle to each position. Yeah, it's more difficult than you'd think.
0:36 notice all the "grey" in this shot? This is actually kinda what you want to begin with! Then use your NLE to adjust the darks and lights to match those in other shots, like the one that immediately follows it!
0:41 white balance
1:20 that's a mighty random action!
And that piece of paper has been up there for how long in the fireplace?
Stupid guests.
1:36 Oh, sh!t! There's more?! Geeze.
The which-is-which tea bit is funny. Shoulda been the last one he sipped from be the guest's.
2:21 I don't understand why if you have at least three people on set you're switching to handheld from tripod shots. And the voice over needs to be kicked up a few decibels.
2:30 focus
2:40 LOL! Stupid guests.
2:56 Uh... we can read the letter. There isn't any more writing to read that matches the VO dialog. However, from the previous shot I can see there IS more writing on the back, not that this shot has them reading it.
3:18 cup on mantle
3:24 cup on mantle
And the camera isn't level on the tripod. Note both the mantle's edge + the screen left mantle trim up the wall where the drapes are.
3:37 did guest bump the tripod or does the floor jiggle when you run across it? Edit such out or plan accordingly.
3:39 white balance
3:43 - 3:51 note how the handheld shot begins level but soon the camera gets tilted just to the right, slanting all those nice vertical lines to the left. Gotta watch that.
3:56 nice @ss shot. Don't do that. Plan better.
4:07 "It's a secret passage!" LOL! You should "Smosh" this up a bit more at the get go which would make that scene @ 1:20 (more than a full minute into this bit!) seem less bizarro random.
http://www.youtube.com/user/smosh/videos?view=0 You can safely shove this a little more over the top.
4:38 "This must be under the house." Face palm, Sherlock.
I'm guessing nothing could be done about that big black cord right in front of the lens. Couldn't tape that fat bastard outta the way, eh? Bummer.
5:25 they ain't no Ladykillers, are they?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0335245/
I didn't see no marshmallows being slingshot in that final sequence!
And some axe action vs marshmallows also woulda been nice, too.
Nice low/no budget use of available resources.
Too many times I see people wanting to throw money at these shorts as if that's going to solve all their production problems.
Noooo.
So I respect what you've planned with what you have.
Very good.
If you wanna see more of my griping and complaining about production quality check out this thread:
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=44510
Don't do that stuff and your next shorts will just be better for it.
Overall, this short I find fair to nice.
Watch some Smosh on YT. Amp your stories up some more. And don't wait so long to get to the [expletive] point.
Keep these coming.
