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To The Max (Script)

QualityHD

QualityHD

Hey guys, I made this script a while back and I want you all the to view it for your scrutiny.

Synopsis:

It is about a schizophrenic patient trying to find out his purpose in life and has to make a choice, and ends up doing the wrong decision.

http://pdfcast.org/pdf/to-the-max

If you scroll down you will see the first 10 pages due to the sites restrictions, so just click download and it would automatically be viewed once you have the pdf format.
 
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Ok, just a few notes:
1)with 48 pages, I assume it's a short, right?
2)You started some flashback sequences without ending them properly(with an BACK TO SCENE), but I think some readers will not be bothered by this. Others will. It just depends how lucky you get!:)
3)Some dialogue blocks are long, so try rewriting them(only if possible) to make them shorter, without losing their literary/story value. If this isn't possible, leave them be.
4)Your ideas in this script are cool and original. I would take a few more feed-backs, improve it a bit, then go around submitting it...
Good luck!:)
 
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Your premise is good. Your format is good. You need to clear up
your writing. Much of your dialogue is what is called “on the nose”.
Your cop dialogue is overly cliche - you write as if you have seen
too many cop shows. You have several grammar mistakes - easily
fixable but you should really attend to that before you show the
script to people.
 
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Yes, lots of grammatical errors. Also, the phone conversation between Max and Stacy should be an Intercut. Unless Stacy is heard off screen in which case she should be O.S.

When it comes to the story itself, and I hope you don't take offense to this, but it doesn't seem like you put a lot of thought into it. It isn't very original. It is also pretty predictable, which is not always a bad thing. But I don't know, I felt that there could have been more to the story. I feel like it could have been told in a matter of ten pages or so.

Still though, good effort, just completing a script or story can be difficult sometimes. Keep writing.
 
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