another script I am working on
INT. DARK ROOM NIGHT MANY YEARS AGO
A small television is seen in the off position. An old shaky hand reaches over and turns the knob. The television comes on, the color is bad and the reception not much better. What we see is the BVC, Best Value Channel. The host is Phil Sporlan and today with his co-host Amber he is trying to get viewers to buy a start up baseball collection. Credits are seen in white letters with a black background after every speech. Phil is very excited about the product he is trying to sell.
PHIL
Amber today we have a set of baseball cards you can't find anywhere else. Not only can you not find this set anywhere else, it's at the lowest, rock bottom price! I look at this set then the price and think "Oh my god!"
AMBER
Great Phil, what exactly do we have here?
PHIL
I'm not kidding your going to get the Griffey rookies and the signed bat! It's unbelievable.
AMBER
Wow, that is a great deal.
PHIL
On flex pay, it's a crime not to buy this set. Buy it, put it away for the kiddies, it'll pay for their college, I swear to you don't let this offer slip you by.
PHIL
Again it's item number two-five-zero-one. We only have another thirty seconds left, we've sold over nine hundred of these sets.
PHIL
One more time, it's all of the Griffey signed rookie cards, three of the Smith second year blaster cards, very rare, you can only get those here.
AMBER
Our next item is a handy set of dish towels, with cute little ducks on them, it's item number six-six-three-five.
We pull back from the television set and see an old lady dialing the phone.
OLD LADY
Yes, I would like to order the towels.
Credits continue with music.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 DRESSING ROOM -- DAY
Phil Sporlan is seen getting make up applied to his face, a beautiful woman is doing the work. Phil's hair is perfect and seems very confident and very macho. He is wearing a marvelous suit, looks to be speckled with gold. Phil looks at the clock.
PHIL
It's go time! I look good.
Jumps from his chair. His swagger fills the room. Phil begins to open a door that is marked "HEAVEN".
MAKE UP ARTIST WOMAN
Good luck, Mister Sporlan. Have a great show!
Phil turns around, looks the artist up and down.
PHIL
Baby, I don't need any luck. Thank you.
(Beat)
And you can call me, Phil.
Phil opens the door and with a proud march heads for the curtain.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 BACK STAGE -- MOMENTS LATER
Phil is seen smiling and waving to a few of his co-workers. A crowd can be heard cheering and clapping. Phil begins to jump up and down. Now we hear the announcers voice.
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to the number one rated game show in the world, Word Jumble! And here's your number one rated host Diamond Phil Sporlan!
The Crowd goes wild. He pushes the curtain to the side and a brick wall is seen. Phil tries to get on stage but he can't seem to get past the wall. The Announcer can be heard.
ANNOUNCER
Well I guess Phil doesn't want to come on out and host a game show, what the fuck is his problem?
The crowd begins to boo and hiss. Phil beings pounding one the wall, the wall doesn't move. Phil sees his hands are bleeding badly. He begins to scream.
PHIL
I'm here! I want to host the show, I just can't get around this wall. There's a wall here! If you could just move this wall, or maybe let me know of an alternate route to the stage that would be great!
ANNOUNCER
Phil sucks, Phil sucks!
INT. PHIL'S APARTMENT 2 AM -- MORNING
Phil is seen in bed, the game show was just a dream. He quickly realizes this. He has the same dream three or four times a week. He looks at the alarm clock, resting at one minute until two. He slowly moves his arm over to it, almost challenging it. He puts his finger on the off button, but does not press it. He waits. The alarm goes off, the loudest rudest thing ever heard. He does not press the button, he let's it continue. He removes his finger. He slowly gets out of bed, unplugs the alarm. The hellish noise stops. He walks into the bathroom bringing the alarm with him.
INT. PHIL'S BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Phil places the clock in the sink. Phil is not as slick as he appeared in his dream or on the show many years ago. Over due for a hair cut and a shave. Heavy bags under his eyes, and no smile to be found. Has a white shirt on with yellow stains at the armpits and around the collar. He looks at himself in the mirror, closes his eyes for a moment. Looks at the clock.
PHIL
You think you have won huh? I let you win, just to show you that it doesn't bother me.
The alarm clock begins to speak.
ALARM CLOCK
Another bad dream Phil?
PHIL
Shut up!
ALARM CLOCK
This shit ain't my fault Paul, I'm just a fucking alarm clock dude.
PHIL
My name is Phil
ALARM CLOCK
Typo.
PHIL
I woke up, I woke up one minute before you went off. I have been for the last six months, I don't need you or anyone.
ALARM CLOCK
Dude chill. Don't do anything too crazy. Why don't you just shave and have a few drinks of scotch.
PHIL
Yeah, well. You're not off the hook yet buddy.
Phil is seen pouring himself a half glass of scotch. Then he leaves the bathroom for a moment coming back with two ice cubes and drops them into the drink. Takes a few sips.
ALARM CLOCK
There you go dog, your now on track. The golden path buddy, you're the man.
PHIL
I am the man! I am the man!
ALARM CLOCK
Phil, sell me something, you can do it!
PHIL
OK ladies and gentlemen, you are now looking at item number: eleven fifty-six. You need to get to your phone cause these are going fast. We're looking at a double shot of your finest scotch. Now before you say anything, know this: your not only going to get the scotch, your also getting the glass, and the two ice cubes. I haven't seen anything like this, for such a great deal. We're talking nine dollars. Nine dollars? Are we going crazy here? With out a doubt the greatest
(Beat)
Your not getting this anywhere else! You can do it on extendo pay for only three payments of three dollars.
ALARM CLOCK
You sold me man, if I could clap I would. Just throw some scotch down here man.
Phil tips the glass spilling a little on the alarm clock.
ALARM CLOCK
Oh man that's good! You weren't kidding. What a great deal.
Phil begins splashing water on his face, spays some deodorant onto his shirt and grabs a blue dress shirt. Begins to comb his hair. Grabs the phone. Dials.
PHIL
Can I get a cab, over at 137 Baltimore Lane?
(Beat)
Thanks.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 DRESSING ROOM --TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Phil is again seen in a chair having make up applied to his face, but this time much less glamorous. The make up artist is an old man with a cigarette hanging from his lip. Phil seems almost mad at his situation.
PHIL
Could you do something for the bags?
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
You need to get some more sleep.
PHIL
You know you're probably right, but since I go on in a few minutes and can't do that, I mean five minutes of sleep ain't helping me out. It's up to you. Help me out.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
Oh sure sonny, I will hook you up.
PHIL
Thanks.
The make up artist gently touches the bags underneath his eyes, hardly doing anything at all.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
There you are, presto!
PHIL
That didn't do anything.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
Fuck you! Who am I fucking Copperfield?
MUA leaves throwing his cigarette down, Phil begins adjusting his tie and fixing his hair. Phil notices his Producer, William M. Stone, looking on.
STONE
You better slow down or there won't be anyone left, to share your life with.
PHIL
Are you trying to be funny? It sounds like you are an asshole, but maybe you are just trying to be funny.
STONE
What I mean is your fucking chasing everyone away, we can't keep bringing new people in because you have problems.
PHIL
People just don't get me, who's he anyway?
STONE
He's the new make up guy.
PHIL
What happen to Ester?
STONE
She quit, she didn't want to deal with you anymore.
PHIL
I thought she liked me.
STONE
Now you are the one trying to be funny.
PHIL
I am.
STONE
So anyway. The new co-host is waiting outside. I wanted you to know I was bringing her in before I brought her in.
PHIL
Sure, bring her in.
Phil grabs his glass and pours a little scotch in it, throws down the entire glass, shake his head.
PHIL
Bring her in. I can't wait to meet her.
STONE
Phil, I just want to let you know, if she leaves, that's it.
PHIL
What do you mean?
STONE
We aren't going to get you another co-host.
PHIL
Stone, I don't need a co-host, you know that. I could sell a candy cane to the Grinch.
STONE
The key word being could. Your numbers have been slipping and much of it has to do with your appearance.
PHIL
They haven't slipped that much.
STONE
No they haven't, if they had you'd already be gone.
PHIL
I can still do it alone.
STONE
I don't mean we won't be getting a new co-host. I mean your out, seven different people have quit this spot. The job pays real fucking good Phil, they only work like four hours a day. They still leave, they fucking run! Why? Because you have real problems.
Phil doesn't respond at first, just looks in the mirror, pours another drink for himself and almost before he can put the bottle down he finishes the drink.
PHIL
Bring her in.
INT. DARK ROOM NIGHT MANY YEARS AGO
A small television is seen in the off position. An old shaky hand reaches over and turns the knob. The television comes on, the color is bad and the reception not much better. What we see is the BVC, Best Value Channel. The host is Phil Sporlan and today with his co-host Amber he is trying to get viewers to buy a start up baseball collection. Credits are seen in white letters with a black background after every speech. Phil is very excited about the product he is trying to sell.
PHIL
Amber today we have a set of baseball cards you can't find anywhere else. Not only can you not find this set anywhere else, it's at the lowest, rock bottom price! I look at this set then the price and think "Oh my god!"
AMBER
Great Phil, what exactly do we have here?
PHIL
I'm not kidding your going to get the Griffey rookies and the signed bat! It's unbelievable.
AMBER
Wow, that is a great deal.
PHIL
On flex pay, it's a crime not to buy this set. Buy it, put it away for the kiddies, it'll pay for their college, I swear to you don't let this offer slip you by.
PHIL
Again it's item number two-five-zero-one. We only have another thirty seconds left, we've sold over nine hundred of these sets.
PHIL
One more time, it's all of the Griffey signed rookie cards, three of the Smith second year blaster cards, very rare, you can only get those here.
AMBER
Our next item is a handy set of dish towels, with cute little ducks on them, it's item number six-six-three-five.
We pull back from the television set and see an old lady dialing the phone.
OLD LADY
Yes, I would like to order the towels.
Credits continue with music.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 DRESSING ROOM -- DAY
Phil Sporlan is seen getting make up applied to his face, a beautiful woman is doing the work. Phil's hair is perfect and seems very confident and very macho. He is wearing a marvelous suit, looks to be speckled with gold. Phil looks at the clock.
PHIL
It's go time! I look good.
Jumps from his chair. His swagger fills the room. Phil begins to open a door that is marked "HEAVEN".
MAKE UP ARTIST WOMAN
Good luck, Mister Sporlan. Have a great show!
Phil turns around, looks the artist up and down.
PHIL
Baby, I don't need any luck. Thank you.
(Beat)
And you can call me, Phil.
Phil opens the door and with a proud march heads for the curtain.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 BACK STAGE -- MOMENTS LATER
Phil is seen smiling and waving to a few of his co-workers. A crowd can be heard cheering and clapping. Phil begins to jump up and down. Now we hear the announcers voice.
ANNOUNCER
Welcome to the number one rated game show in the world, Word Jumble! And here's your number one rated host Diamond Phil Sporlan!
The Crowd goes wild. He pushes the curtain to the side and a brick wall is seen. Phil tries to get on stage but he can't seem to get past the wall. The Announcer can be heard.
ANNOUNCER
Well I guess Phil doesn't want to come on out and host a game show, what the fuck is his problem?
The crowd begins to boo and hiss. Phil beings pounding one the wall, the wall doesn't move. Phil sees his hands are bleeding badly. He begins to scream.
PHIL
I'm here! I want to host the show, I just can't get around this wall. There's a wall here! If you could just move this wall, or maybe let me know of an alternate route to the stage that would be great!
ANNOUNCER
Phil sucks, Phil sucks!
INT. PHIL'S APARTMENT 2 AM -- MORNING
Phil is seen in bed, the game show was just a dream. He quickly realizes this. He has the same dream three or four times a week. He looks at the alarm clock, resting at one minute until two. He slowly moves his arm over to it, almost challenging it. He puts his finger on the off button, but does not press it. He waits. The alarm goes off, the loudest rudest thing ever heard. He does not press the button, he let's it continue. He removes his finger. He slowly gets out of bed, unplugs the alarm. The hellish noise stops. He walks into the bathroom bringing the alarm with him.
INT. PHIL'S BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS
Phil places the clock in the sink. Phil is not as slick as he appeared in his dream or on the show many years ago. Over due for a hair cut and a shave. Heavy bags under his eyes, and no smile to be found. Has a white shirt on with yellow stains at the armpits and around the collar. He looks at himself in the mirror, closes his eyes for a moment. Looks at the clock.
PHIL
You think you have won huh? I let you win, just to show you that it doesn't bother me.
The alarm clock begins to speak.
ALARM CLOCK
Another bad dream Phil?
PHIL
Shut up!
ALARM CLOCK
This shit ain't my fault Paul, I'm just a fucking alarm clock dude.
PHIL
My name is Phil
ALARM CLOCK
Typo.
PHIL
I woke up, I woke up one minute before you went off. I have been for the last six months, I don't need you or anyone.
ALARM CLOCK
Dude chill. Don't do anything too crazy. Why don't you just shave and have a few drinks of scotch.
PHIL
Yeah, well. You're not off the hook yet buddy.
Phil is seen pouring himself a half glass of scotch. Then he leaves the bathroom for a moment coming back with two ice cubes and drops them into the drink. Takes a few sips.
ALARM CLOCK
There you go dog, your now on track. The golden path buddy, you're the man.
PHIL
I am the man! I am the man!
ALARM CLOCK
Phil, sell me something, you can do it!
PHIL
OK ladies and gentlemen, you are now looking at item number: eleven fifty-six. You need to get to your phone cause these are going fast. We're looking at a double shot of your finest scotch. Now before you say anything, know this: your not only going to get the scotch, your also getting the glass, and the two ice cubes. I haven't seen anything like this, for such a great deal. We're talking nine dollars. Nine dollars? Are we going crazy here? With out a doubt the greatest
(Beat)
Your not getting this anywhere else! You can do it on extendo pay for only three payments of three dollars.
ALARM CLOCK
You sold me man, if I could clap I would. Just throw some scotch down here man.
Phil tips the glass spilling a little on the alarm clock.
ALARM CLOCK
Oh man that's good! You weren't kidding. What a great deal.
Phil begins splashing water on his face, spays some deodorant onto his shirt and grabs a blue dress shirt. Begins to comb his hair. Grabs the phone. Dials.
PHIL
Can I get a cab, over at 137 Baltimore Lane?
(Beat)
Thanks.
INT. STUDIO ~AB-7 DRESSING ROOM --TWENTY MINUTES LATER
Phil is again seen in a chair having make up applied to his face, but this time much less glamorous. The make up artist is an old man with a cigarette hanging from his lip. Phil seems almost mad at his situation.
PHIL
Could you do something for the bags?
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
You need to get some more sleep.
PHIL
You know you're probably right, but since I go on in a few minutes and can't do that, I mean five minutes of sleep ain't helping me out. It's up to you. Help me out.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
Oh sure sonny, I will hook you up.
PHIL
Thanks.
The make up artist gently touches the bags underneath his eyes, hardly doing anything at all.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
There you are, presto!
PHIL
That didn't do anything.
MAKE UP ARTIST MAN
Fuck you! Who am I fucking Copperfield?
MUA leaves throwing his cigarette down, Phil begins adjusting his tie and fixing his hair. Phil notices his Producer, William M. Stone, looking on.
STONE
You better slow down or there won't be anyone left, to share your life with.
PHIL
Are you trying to be funny? It sounds like you are an asshole, but maybe you are just trying to be funny.
STONE
What I mean is your fucking chasing everyone away, we can't keep bringing new people in because you have problems.
PHIL
People just don't get me, who's he anyway?
STONE
He's the new make up guy.
PHIL
What happen to Ester?
STONE
She quit, she didn't want to deal with you anymore.
PHIL
I thought she liked me.
STONE
Now you are the one trying to be funny.
PHIL
I am.
STONE
So anyway. The new co-host is waiting outside. I wanted you to know I was bringing her in before I brought her in.
PHIL
Sure, bring her in.
Phil grabs his glass and pours a little scotch in it, throws down the entire glass, shake his head.
PHIL
Bring her in. I can't wait to meet her.
STONE
Phil, I just want to let you know, if she leaves, that's it.
PHIL
What do you mean?
STONE
We aren't going to get you another co-host.
PHIL
Stone, I don't need a co-host, you know that. I could sell a candy cane to the Grinch.
STONE
The key word being could. Your numbers have been slipping and much of it has to do with your appearance.
PHIL
They haven't slipped that much.
STONE
No they haven't, if they had you'd already be gone.
PHIL
I can still do it alone.
STONE
I don't mean we won't be getting a new co-host. I mean your out, seven different people have quit this spot. The job pays real fucking good Phil, they only work like four hours a day. They still leave, they fucking run! Why? Because you have real problems.
Phil doesn't respond at first, just looks in the mirror, pours another drink for himself and almost before he can put the bottle down he finishes the drink.
PHIL
Bring her in.