Hi Aaron
I watched the clip again and I think you need to tie the influence of art with the history of apartheid from the beginning. We don't really know what the story is about until half way in when you begin talking about art.
When I watched the film, I thought we were going to talk about apartheid from a tour guide perspective. When you introduced Noor, I thought he was going to be part of the tour guide to show his museum and then all of the sudden we were talking about art and I felt Kim was not part of the equation at all.
Break your short into three movements:
Part I - Set up
Brief statements to set up the problem and subject. The editing should be a little faster paced. If you have access to more than one selection of music, use a more intense piece at the beginning.
Kim Bevan - I'm sad and embarrassed that was our way of life, the way it was
Noor Ebrahim - We couldn't go anywhere, I couldn't sit in the train with a white person
Emma Vandermerwe - There's something very South African about the art and it comes from the people, environment...the history, politics
(just use one impactful statement, saving the rest for other sections)
Now you have set the stage we are going to talk about how apartheid has influenced the art. We know what the film is about.
Part II - History
Now, slow it down and use your current music. Let the edit breath. Tell the backstory.
Use the interviews from Kim and Noor to tell their personal experience of apartheid.
Include Noor's statement about District 6 and how it was an all inclusive, cosmopolitan area and the government didn't like it.
Part III - Current situation
Pick the pace back up. You can even go back to your Part I music or if your original music piece builds enough, it can play to the end. You want the audience to feel a sense of hope after an ugly history, art is your hero.
Johan - Art scene has blossomed
Emma Vandermerwe - Art is influenced by past.
Kim - hope for future.
Do you have any statements from Noor about current art scene? I know he dwells in the past with his museum, but was there anything else to include him in the last section?
Again, great composition and shooting. Editing is storytelling. I have this story synthesis by my desk at all times. It applies to film narratives and even documentaries.
http://www.blakesnyder.com/downloads/synthesis.pdf