I thought it was very effective. You seem to have the narrative and style you want down, so I'm only going to comment on the green screen. Let me guess, you shot on a DVX100 or equivalent camera? I used to have to edit SD GS footage everyday and it's no walk in the park. I'd suggest anytime you need to key anything to use an HD camera. You can get a T2i for the same price as a used DVX these days, or rent one for probably like a buck.
Great stuff though! Very intriguing, and that's the most important part.