This isn't the final version. I need the narration plus it isn't the best quality, YouTube compressed it.
Just want y'all opinions.
It is unlisted so please don't share it because I will be submitting to festivals first.
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archived-videos The Eyes of IRMA - Freddy Long
- Thread starter FreddyLongSongs
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Without the narration, I coudn’t stick with this for long. At 1:45 it goes dead silent, and that’s where you lost me. I know that’ll change with the narration, but it needs something else there, too. Nats? Music? Both?
Initial thoughts on your open:
The graphics move WAY too fast. There’s not enough time to read each factoid before it disappears. Leave each one on for at least 3 more seconds. The words you have used to make an acronym out of IRMA are the worst as far as disappearing too fast. This might be better off stacking them, revealing them one at a time, and then a slow fade out after the last word is up for a couple of seconds.
“Plethora” is a strange word choice. That’s typically used to suggest an abundance, a surplus, having lots of things. It’s a word with positive connotations. This is a negative circumstance. Many homes? Too many homes? Numerous homes? A multitude of homes?
Even better: do you have an actual, verifiable number or estimate to put in there? You’ve got numbers on lives lost and the estimated cost of the damage. Those statistics lend credibility to your documentary, and the number of homes that were without power for X number of weeks should be there as well.
Initial thoughts on your open:
The graphics move WAY too fast. There’s not enough time to read each factoid before it disappears. Leave each one on for at least 3 more seconds. The words you have used to make an acronym out of IRMA are the worst as far as disappearing too fast. This might be better off stacking them, revealing them one at a time, and then a slow fade out after the last word is up for a couple of seconds.
“Plethora” is a strange word choice. That’s typically used to suggest an abundance, a surplus, having lots of things. It’s a word with positive connotations. This is a negative circumstance. Many homes? Too many homes? Numerous homes? A multitude of homes?
Even better: do you have an actual, verifiable number or estimate to put in there? You’ve got numbers on lives lost and the estimated cost of the damage. Those statistics lend credibility to your documentary, and the number of homes that were without power for X number of weeks should be there as well.
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Thanks. I will change out plethora and put a number. You’re right about the credibility thing in a documentary.
However, the speed of the opening text, I purposely chose because I am subconsciously letting the viewer know it’s fast-paced. It’s a ride. It doesn’t go dead silent at 1:45. It’s the quiet before the storm.
I’m not defending, I’m explaining. I appreciate you taking your time to view and comment.
The structure of the documentary is structured like Memento. The before and after are in reverse and the build up of the storm is chronological. I didn’t want to give any of that away.
My goal of doing this was not to be traditional.
However, the speed of the opening text, I purposely chose because I am subconsciously letting the viewer know it’s fast-paced. It’s a ride. It doesn’t go dead silent at 1:45. It’s the quiet before the storm.
I’m not defending, I’m explaining. I appreciate you taking your time to view and comment.
The structure of the documentary is structured like Memento. The before and after are in reverse and the build up of the storm is chronological. I didn’t want to give any of that away.
My goal of doing this was not to be traditional.
As a viewer, that does not work for me. It’s only frustrating that the text is too fast to read. The silence and the type-on effect do not indicate fast-paced but rather come across as poorly-constructed.
Without the narration, there’s no way to get the overall feel of the piece. That’s the risk of posting something like this as an incomplete edit. There’s too much missing. I kept jumping forward, hoping I’d find a place where there was more. I didn’t find any other than hitting a few places with nats,
On one hand, if you have to explain your intentions to the viewer, it didn’t work. Remember that I haven’t seen the entire piece, though. Without the narration, it’s a 13-minute string of seemingly-disjointed footage.
I’d recommend for this and for any similar projects you do in the future to record a scratch VO if you’re going to screen a rough cut. Scratch VO doesn’t have to be stellar. Just listenable. It can be recorded on your iPhone and doesn’t require a legit VO booth at all. That gives the viewer something to guide them.
I'm looking forward to seeing the final version.
Fair enough. I may do that this week. Honestly, I need to know how dialogue will fit with the sound now.
Are there any criticisms on the visuals?
I’m with Rik. I’m interested to see the final version.
Sound design impacts perception of the visuals. Again, right now it’s just... incomplete.