archived-videos The Cradle Will Fall: Short Thriller Film

sorry i didnt have time to specify what i meant by the script seemed underworked. just with a few more drafts and thought certain things could of been different like:

the officer who journeys alone into the tunnel is quite unbelievable seeing as they usually travel in pairs and it could of even worked out more scary that the girl killed both of them (scary scene by the way, made me jump)

the officer seemed to lose his temper at someone who is obviously a split personality. his agression would of been more believable if maybe one of the dead officers was a friend of his or something.

and she reveals at the start "she's not here right now" which kind of killed off the big shock end and the line was kind of cliche. im not knocking your potential, all im saying is that we ALL write second par scripts full of holes in the 1st maybe even 2nd draft but 3rd and 4th really count and then 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...thats just me...lol
 
Thanks

I agree with pretty much all of your points.

Hopefully with a big more experience I can iron out cliches, I did try but obviously you still picked up on a few

I'm glad I made you jump :P
 
I did enjoy this quite a bit. A number of things in it put it above the average indie work. The camera work for the most part is quite nice. In some of the over the shoulder conversation shots between Detective Johnson and Claire I thought the framing was a little bit strange. The first time we see over Detective Johnson's shoulder there's a lot of headroom for Claire because she's leaned over. I really enjoyed the steadicam work, it looked quite nice and the crane shot (did you use a crane?) for the first time we see the officer was quite nice.

I felt like the tunnel was AWESOME, but perhaps it lasted a bit too long? Also, the transition from the steadicam in the tunnel to the tripod shot of Claire in the chair felt odd to me.

In regards to the acting, I actually quite enjoyed the performances, especially Detective Johnson. He did quite a good job and was believable. I don't know if you've seen Heroes, but the very first time Detective Johnson spoke he reminded me of the Haitian: "Hello, Claire..."

One other thing, I thought your opening titles were a bit video-ish. They felt very much like you went into After Effects and did a bit of animation and called it good. They weren't bad, per se, but they just felt (to me) a bit amateurish.

I really enjoyed the performances and the story, though I felt like the ending was a bit strange, I couldn't tell if you were going for supernatural or multiple personalities or what. Instead of being left with a "HOLY CRAP THAT FREAKED ME OUT" I was left with "What the heck?"

Anywho, overall, quite a nice work :) I look forward to seeing more!
 
That's some great feedback Tommy

I do agree, the font sucks and was made to meet a deadline. I really should have taken more time on it but I know for next time.

The film was written as more of a teaser so the ending is purposely quite open for people to make their own interpretations. I may develop it further at some point, but the idea was to give myself that option.

I will tell me actors you enjoyed their portrayal. They'll love the feedback

Thanks again
 
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