...okay,...
First,
never underestimate the power of cut away shots Use them. The scene at her front door, just 3 people standing around with their arms crossed. Show some faces, some expressions; The lead tells the girl he loves her and we don't see his face or hers.
Second, To bring your viewers into a scene, you have to let them see faces so use some closer shots to draw in your audience. If there is nothing on the walls, why show so much of them? A tighter shot creates intimacy.
Third, vary your shots. 3 people standing outside, girl in middle to 3 people standing inside, girl in the middle. Somebody sit down... shoot from different angles.
the girls yellow hair against the yellow walls, she almost disappears, but I know you have to shoot where you have access...
I liked very much your opening drive shots, I liked your ending sitting on the sofa shots. The story was good. Hey, if it was easy, everyone would do it, and you are further along than most. Good for you!
--spinner