'Teraphase' Web Series - Script Feedback?

MindStudios · Sep 3, 2014

Hey everyone, I'm starting to flesh out a web series idea called 'Teraphase' and drafted the first episode. I'd really appreciate any kind of feedback.
Seriously PLEASE READ, it's SUPER SHORT.....just 8 pages.. a few minutes out of your day.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwG3a1ofIz5VcEs5TURyR0ZnSms/edit?usp=sharing

A few notes, if you care, about the story and script:

It is a sci-fi story, but completely no-budget as this will be a college project, so I wrote it with that in mind.

Also, I didn't bother describing the characters because I honestly can't be picky... it will depend on the actors we can get from the theater department.

I know it's very short and not much happens, but as it stands, how interested would you be to continue and at least watch the 2nd episode? I don't want to stuff too much into an episode because I'd like them to be short, but the first episode needs to be interesting enough to draw people in.

Thanks!!

maz · Oct 26, 2014

MindStudios said:
I didn't think I'd want to start a new thread for each episode so I'm adding the script for the second episode onto this one:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwG3a1ofIz5VU2RzTFhfOWJMdW8/view?usp=sharing

Again, let me know what you think and mainly if these first two episodes are interesting enough that you'd want to continue watching the series.

Thanks! Also, if it'd be better for each episode to have it's own thread let me know.

I liked the episode well enough until the very last scene.

Why would their first thought be "time machine" rather than "virtual reality helmet" or something to do with hallucinogenic drugs? It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Also, where are they at the start? It's not really clear.

MindStudios · Oct 26, 2014

maz said:
I liked the episode well enough until the very last scene.

Why would their first thought be "time machine" rather than "virtual reality helmet" or something to do with hallucinogenic drugs? It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Also, where are they at the start? It's not really clear.

Alright that makes sense, I got ahead of myself. I switched up the dialogue so Joseph asks if it's some sort of virtual reality and Chuck tells them it's a time machine.

Do you mean the two quick scenes at the beginning, before the interview with the old lady? Those are supposed to be vague, they're basically really quick flashbacks.