watch Suprise Birthday! "Short"

[UncleKornicob]

I am 15, and I think im getting the hang of this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKFQhWlVSPw

I edited, and directed.
I realize there are a few some-what major mistakes, like that last scenes, you see people where the not supposed to be in cuts, there was nothing I could really do to edit differently, other then delete that whole part in general.

Any one have a suggestion for a better name?

 

[joey1320]

You need to work on your audio. The levels were really high and kind of annoying at times.

You also need to work on your time sequence --, meaning @0:04 Luke is standing to the left of the table, @0:10 he is now standing at the right side of the table and @0:17 he is standing in the center of the room, now only problem is that you didn't specify lapse of time, so the viewer is left wondering what really took place.

Also at 1:28 when the decoy kid runs out to the street to slow down the bday kid, you throw the viewer off by not showing the bday kid getting around the decoy. So I took it as if the bday kid was running away from the house as opposed to running towards it.

You also shoud had added music each time the bday kid was on screen or had him playing with and ipod or something to justfify him listening to it when he walks into the house. Also if the bday kid doesnt recognize the "mugger" then why would he just calmly walk into the house as if nothinh happened?

These are all things that you have to think about beforehand. Each step of the storytelling makes the film believable and honest. If you don't think of the details you end up with this example. I have many other things I can point out, but the idea is the same.

Overall a cool age-appropiate story.
But if you don't think of the little details you will not progress from it.

I did like your camera work and your lighting.
Keep it up!

Joey

 

[UncleKornicob]

You need to work on your audio. The levels were really high and kind of annoying at times.

You also need to work on your time sequence --, meaning @0:04 Luke is standing to the left of the table, @0:10 he is now standing at the right side of the table and @0:17 he is standing in the center of the room, now only problem is that you didn't specify lapse of time, so the viewer is left wondering what really took place.

Also at 1:28 when the decoy kid runs out to the street to slow down the bday kid, you throw the viewer off by not showing the bday kid getting around the decoy. So I took it as if the bday kid was running away from the house as opposed to running towards it.

You also shoud had added music each time the bday kid was on screen or had him playing with and ipod or something to justfify him listening to it when he walks into the house. Also if the bday kid doesnt recognize the "mugger" then why would he just calmly walk into the house as if nothinh happened?

These are all things that you have to think about beforehand. Each step of the storytelling makes the film believable and honest. If you don't think of the details you end up with this example. I have many other things I can point out, but the idea is the same.

Overall a cool age-appropiate story.
But if you don't think of the little details you will not progress from it.

I did like your camera work and your lighting.
Keep it up!

Joey

I agree 100% with everything you said. This was my first time working with more then 4 people. I planned the plot well, but no the shots. I agree, and shooting was totally a mess, we went out of order with the shots which threw off where we were standing. I wasn't blind to the fact, I just simply had no time to re shoot. I need to rethink this before hand.
There was music whenever he was in scene, I don't see how it wasn't heard, somehow the render or youtube compression made it less noticeable.
Thanks!
And next time I shoot with a cast I will re think.