Everyones first feature is terrible so my thought process is just to write something ultra low budget, easy to shoot and get it done. I'm dreading the terrible movie this will be (just like my first, ever short, first ever music vid etc...) but need to learn so we are going for it.
What do you think of the first few pages of the screenplay so far? Note that the formatting went all over the place when I cut and pasted and the directions are general. I'm also not the type of director to want the actors to say exactly what is on the page. Rather, I'd prefer them to improv a little based around their idea of the character.
Stylistically, this is a British gritty, drama.
INT. SCENE – DESCRIPTION. EARLY MORNING
Beth steps out of a bedroom pulling on a robe, stepping
into a complete mess. Half-crushed, empty cans of beer, overflowing ashtrays, an empty bottle of vodka, a half-eaten kebab, vomit and the kind of mess you saw every time you visited ‘Brad,’ that stoner friend. In the middle of this is a handicapped man lying on the floor with a wheelchair next to him. Beth moves to right the wheelchair and picks up the man, scooping a German Shepherd puppy at the same time.
BETH
Pete. Pete. Can you hear me? Are you OK?
PETE
Go away.
BETH
I can’t leave you here like this.
PETE
Leave me be.
BETH
Come here, baby.
PETE
Put me down, leave me be. Fuck off.
BETH
It’s OK Pete, it’ll be alright, I’ll take care of
you.
PETE
Put me down, leave me be. Fuck off.
BETH
I got you, I’ve got you.
PETE
Piss off. You don’t give a shit. Nobody gives a fuck about me.
BETH
For better or for worse, richer or poorer [As she struggles to pick him up].
PETE
Stop saying that shit. No-one loves me. No-one. I’m just fucking nothing. You don’t love me.
BETH
I do love you, I’m trying alright. 1, 2, 3 heave.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth manages to get him into bed despite his protests, cleans up the horrendous mess in the flat, pets the puppy. In the kitchen, she stops in front of a picture of a Greek island, azure sea, beautiful view. She runs her hand over it the way your stoner friend would run his hand over a kilo of hash. She breaks away and the next scene, she is leaving the flat walking away to work.
BETH
I gotta go to work now. Need to open up the Centre.
PETE
Piss off. You don’t give a shit.
BETH
You know I love you.
PETE
Yeah, right. Nobody gives a fuck about me.
BETH
I’ve left puppy food out. Just remember to take him out.
PETE
Fuck you.
OPENING CREDITS – BETH LEAVING THE FLAT, WALKING TO WORK, ARRIVING AT THE SOUL PLACE YOUTH CENTRE
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Teenagers are in the community centre joshing around and the place is a scene of controlled chaos. Some of them acknowledge her and a couple indicate how attractive she is.
BOBBY
Hey man, I’d give her some community care anytime.
JOSEPH
No way man, I already had her and she was rubbish.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth walks into a back room where she is greeted by Malcolm.
BETH
Sorry I’m late Malc, I owe you again.
MALC
You do, you do.
BETH
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
MALC
No problem. Was he being a little problematic again?
BETH
Yeah, but no more than usual.
MALC
Beth, you know… you know my thoughts on this.
BETH
I know, I know. But it is what it is. And I’m dealing with it.
MALC
I entirely understand but as your colleague and friend…
BETH
Sure, I get it, you think I should leave him but I’ve got it. I don’t need that kind of advice or help.
MALC
I understand he was in the accident and you are feeling guilty, but I really think you should walk away.
BETH
Look, he can’t walk away and I’ll look after him. He’s my husband.
MALC
But how long can you keep this up for?
BETH
Forever.
MALC
Excuse me.
BETH
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just… look I really appreciate you helping me out but I’m OK. Really.
MALC
Really?
BETH
Really. I mean it. Look, I appreciate your help and I’m sorry for snapping.
MALC
Apology accepted.
BETH
I appreciate it and you’ve been a great friend.
MALC
I’m just concerned about you. It’s been three years since the accident and his behavior is intolerable. If anything, he’s worse.
BETH
I know and I understand you care. But I married him for better or for worse and that’s just how it is.
MALC
But his pure hatred of everything, including you, it’s unhealthy. And maybe you shouldn’t have married him in the first place because just maybe you were too young…
BETH
Look, don’t go there Malc. I know how it is, but that’s just the roll of the dice. I’m just dealing with life.
MALC
Anyhow, it’s your turn now. Those kids are waiting for you out there. Get out there and save them all.
BETH
Just the ones that deserve it.
MALC
[Under his breath as she walks away] But save yourself, first.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth walks out into the group of mainly teenage boys who are joshing around. A few of them are playing pool and greet her.
CHARLIE
You good?
BETH
Good. How’re you?
JAMAL
How you doing?
BOBBY
Hey, Beth.
BETH
Bobby.
BOBBY
You know, if you really cared about us teenagers, you’d give us a little bit of, you know, proper care. You know what I mean?
BETH
Bobby.
BOBBY
You know we got it hard.
BETH
You know that’s not OK. You know you can’t talk to women like that. It’s disrespectful. Stop or I’ll chuck you out.
BOBBY
Hey, I’m just being nice. You know I’d go to the ends of the earth for you.
BETH
Well if you do go there, it will save me the trouble of throwing you out. And take your hand off your dick before I chop it off.
BOBBY
Hey, Beth. You know I’m just playing with you.
TEENAGERS
[Laughing, making jokes at Bobby’s expense.] You got cussed.
JAMAL
Hey, Beth. You know he don’t mean shit. It’s just Bobby talking.
BETH
Well Bobby will get his dick chopped off if he continues talking like that.
CHARLIE
If anyone can find it.
BOBBY
Hey man, whose side are you on?
BETH
The side of being smart. Excuse me. [Turns towards a mother and daughter who have arrived]. Hello Chantelle, hello Paris. Paris, how are you? How is everything?
PARIS
K
CHANTELLE
She’s been through a hard time. Go ahead with the nice youth worker woman.
BETH
How have you been feeling Paris?
PARIS
K
BETH
Let’s go back to the office in the back, come with me.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
As Beth walks Paris towards the back, all hell breaks loose. Police officers run in, kids dash everywhere shouting ‘Pigs, Feds, get the fuck out. Fuck the feds’ the same your stoner friend would if he was raided and more importantly if he could get off the sofa.
Beth starts moving forward in amongst the chaos. Two officers grab Bobby, wrestle him to the ground while a plain-clothes detective approaches Beth.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Step back, get back.
BETH
What’s going on? What the hell is going on?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Leave it to us, it’s all under control.
BETH
You know you’re not allowed in here without calling me first. We had a deal. What are you doing?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Calm down, step back.
BETH
Don’t tell me to calm down.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Have you got him?
POLICE OFFICERS
You have the right to remain silent… [reading Bobby his rights while cuffing him]
BOBBY
Get off me, get the fuck off me feds.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Calm down, calm down. Step back.
BOBBY
Ow, you’re hurting me, ow, police harassment. Ow, that hurts so much.
BETH
You’re hurting him. What are you doing?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Step back or I’ll taze you
POLICE OFFICERS
[Continue reading rights, subduing Bobby]
BOBBY
Ow, ow, don’t let them do this to me. Help me, they’re hurting me, it’s really hurting. They’re breaking my arm.
BETH
Stop it, don’t hurt him
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Don’t touch me. This is your last warning. Step back or I will taze you.
BETH
Don’t you touch me.
BOBBY
Ow, the pain. Get off me.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Calm down, stay back, do not touch me or I will use my tazer.
BETH
Get out of my way.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth tries to push the officer out of the way and gets tazed. She performs an electric version of the chicken dance, falls to the floor. She’s going to feel that in the morning.
EXT. to INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Establishing shot of Marseille then switches to the interior of a flat. A couple of topless women are cutting white powder. A man is ordering them around in French.
BOSS
You’ll be ready.
PHILIPPE
Yes.
BOSS
I wasn’t asking a question.
PHILIPPE
Understood.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
A police siren goes off outside and they all stop together, momentarily, resuming work as it goes on again in the distance
BOSS
We finish cutting, we get it over to England where they pay top dollar. Not cut too much. Just right. The English pay big money and it needs to be good enough.
PHILIPPE
Understood.
BOSS
And this time, Philippe. I want you there with the English. Do you understand? You will make it happen.
PHILIPPE
You want me to be there? Why?
BOSS
Because your man is using kids. I saw it last time.
PHILIPPE
But kids they are good. Kids cannot be police.
BOSS
He’s doing it to save money. Kids are cheap and it makes him more money but kids are stupid. They make mistakes. They are not… professional.
PHILIPPE
And you want me to keep an eye on them?
BOSS
No, Philippe. I want you to tell the son of a bitch to get fucking professional or no more deals. You understand?
PHILIPPE
And if he doesn’t?
BOSS
You will make him understand. Tu comprends?
PHILIPPE
Je comprends.
BOSS
Do you trust me Philippe? Really, do you?
PHILIPPE
Yes, I trust you.
BOSS
But do you really trust me? With everything we have been through, do you still question me? You remember Thailand? You remember Columbia? How many other people could’ve done what I did?
PHILIPPE
Nobody else.
BOSS
Do you fear me as well Philippe?
PHILIPPE
That is between me and God.
BOSS
Good. Now, we eat. Make sure they finish and afterwards…
PHILIPPE
After?
BOSS
I have something to do.
PHILIPPE
[Shouts instructions at a thug overseeing the work.] This way.
What do you think of the first few pages of the screenplay so far? Note that the formatting went all over the place when I cut and pasted and the directions are general. I'm also not the type of director to want the actors to say exactly what is on the page. Rather, I'd prefer them to improv a little based around their idea of the character.
Stylistically, this is a British gritty, drama.
INT. SCENE – DESCRIPTION. EARLY MORNING
Beth steps out of a bedroom pulling on a robe, stepping
into a complete mess. Half-crushed, empty cans of beer, overflowing ashtrays, an empty bottle of vodka, a half-eaten kebab, vomit and the kind of mess you saw every time you visited ‘Brad,’ that stoner friend. In the middle of this is a handicapped man lying on the floor with a wheelchair next to him. Beth moves to right the wheelchair and picks up the man, scooping a German Shepherd puppy at the same time.
BETH
Pete. Pete. Can you hear me? Are you OK?
PETE
Go away.
BETH
I can’t leave you here like this.
PETE
Leave me be.
BETH
Come here, baby.
PETE
Put me down, leave me be. Fuck off.
BETH
It’s OK Pete, it’ll be alright, I’ll take care of
you.
PETE
Put me down, leave me be. Fuck off.
BETH
I got you, I’ve got you.
PETE
Piss off. You don’t give a shit. Nobody gives a fuck about me.
BETH
For better or for worse, richer or poorer [As she struggles to pick him up].
PETE
Stop saying that shit. No-one loves me. No-one. I’m just fucking nothing. You don’t love me.
BETH
I do love you, I’m trying alright. 1, 2, 3 heave.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth manages to get him into bed despite his protests, cleans up the horrendous mess in the flat, pets the puppy. In the kitchen, she stops in front of a picture of a Greek island, azure sea, beautiful view. She runs her hand over it the way your stoner friend would run his hand over a kilo of hash. She breaks away and the next scene, she is leaving the flat walking away to work.
BETH
I gotta go to work now. Need to open up the Centre.
PETE
Piss off. You don’t give a shit.
BETH
You know I love you.
PETE
Yeah, right. Nobody gives a fuck about me.
BETH
I’ve left puppy food out. Just remember to take him out.
PETE
Fuck you.
OPENING CREDITS – BETH LEAVING THE FLAT, WALKING TO WORK, ARRIVING AT THE SOUL PLACE YOUTH CENTRE
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Teenagers are in the community centre joshing around and the place is a scene of controlled chaos. Some of them acknowledge her and a couple indicate how attractive she is.
BOBBY
Hey man, I’d give her some community care anytime.
JOSEPH
No way man, I already had her and she was rubbish.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth walks into a back room where she is greeted by Malcolm.
BETH
Sorry I’m late Malc, I owe you again.
MALC
You do, you do.
BETH
I don’t know what I’d do without you.
MALC
No problem. Was he being a little problematic again?
BETH
Yeah, but no more than usual.
MALC
Beth, you know… you know my thoughts on this.
BETH
I know, I know. But it is what it is. And I’m dealing with it.
MALC
I entirely understand but as your colleague and friend…
BETH
Sure, I get it, you think I should leave him but I’ve got it. I don’t need that kind of advice or help.
MALC
I understand he was in the accident and you are feeling guilty, but I really think you should walk away.
BETH
Look, he can’t walk away and I’ll look after him. He’s my husband.
MALC
But how long can you keep this up for?
BETH
Forever.
MALC
Excuse me.
BETH
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just… look I really appreciate you helping me out but I’m OK. Really.
MALC
Really?
BETH
Really. I mean it. Look, I appreciate your help and I’m sorry for snapping.
MALC
Apology accepted.
BETH
I appreciate it and you’ve been a great friend.
MALC
I’m just concerned about you. It’s been three years since the accident and his behavior is intolerable. If anything, he’s worse.
BETH
I know and I understand you care. But I married him for better or for worse and that’s just how it is.
MALC
But his pure hatred of everything, including you, it’s unhealthy. And maybe you shouldn’t have married him in the first place because just maybe you were too young…
BETH
Look, don’t go there Malc. I know how it is, but that’s just the roll of the dice. I’m just dealing with life.
MALC
Anyhow, it’s your turn now. Those kids are waiting for you out there. Get out there and save them all.
BETH
Just the ones that deserve it.
MALC
[Under his breath as she walks away] But save yourself, first.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth walks out into the group of mainly teenage boys who are joshing around. A few of them are playing pool and greet her.
CHARLIE
You good?
BETH
Good. How’re you?
JAMAL
How you doing?
BOBBY
Hey, Beth.
BETH
Bobby.
BOBBY
You know, if you really cared about us teenagers, you’d give us a little bit of, you know, proper care. You know what I mean?
BETH
Bobby.
BOBBY
You know we got it hard.
BETH
You know that’s not OK. You know you can’t talk to women like that. It’s disrespectful. Stop or I’ll chuck you out.
BOBBY
Hey, I’m just being nice. You know I’d go to the ends of the earth for you.
BETH
Well if you do go there, it will save me the trouble of throwing you out. And take your hand off your dick before I chop it off.
BOBBY
Hey, Beth. You know I’m just playing with you.
TEENAGERS
[Laughing, making jokes at Bobby’s expense.] You got cussed.
JAMAL
Hey, Beth. You know he don’t mean shit. It’s just Bobby talking.
BETH
Well Bobby will get his dick chopped off if he continues talking like that.
CHARLIE
If anyone can find it.
BOBBY
Hey man, whose side are you on?
BETH
The side of being smart. Excuse me. [Turns towards a mother and daughter who have arrived]. Hello Chantelle, hello Paris. Paris, how are you? How is everything?
PARIS
K
CHANTELLE
She’s been through a hard time. Go ahead with the nice youth worker woman.
BETH
How have you been feeling Paris?
PARIS
K
BETH
Let’s go back to the office in the back, come with me.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
As Beth walks Paris towards the back, all hell breaks loose. Police officers run in, kids dash everywhere shouting ‘Pigs, Feds, get the fuck out. Fuck the feds’ the same your stoner friend would if he was raided and more importantly if he could get off the sofa.
Beth starts moving forward in amongst the chaos. Two officers grab Bobby, wrestle him to the ground while a plain-clothes detective approaches Beth.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Step back, get back.
BETH
What’s going on? What the hell is going on?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Leave it to us, it’s all under control.
BETH
You know you’re not allowed in here without calling me first. We had a deal. What are you doing?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Calm down, step back.
BETH
Don’t tell me to calm down.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Have you got him?
POLICE OFFICERS
You have the right to remain silent… [reading Bobby his rights while cuffing him]
BOBBY
Get off me, get the fuck off me feds.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Calm down, calm down. Step back.
BOBBY
Ow, you’re hurting me, ow, police harassment. Ow, that hurts so much.
BETH
You’re hurting him. What are you doing?
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Step back or I’ll taze you
POLICE OFFICERS
[Continue reading rights, subduing Bobby]
BOBBY
Ow, ow, don’t let them do this to me. Help me, they’re hurting me, it’s really hurting. They’re breaking my arm.
BETH
Stop it, don’t hurt him
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Don’t touch me. This is your last warning. Step back or I will taze you.
BETH
Don’t you touch me.
BOBBY
Ow, the pain. Get off me.
PLAIN CLOTHES OFFICER
Calm down, stay back, do not touch me or I will use my tazer.
BETH
Get out of my way.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Beth tries to push the officer out of the way and gets tazed. She performs an electric version of the chicken dance, falls to the floor. She’s going to feel that in the morning.
EXT. to INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
Establishing shot of Marseille then switches to the interior of a flat. A couple of topless women are cutting white powder. A man is ordering them around in French.
BOSS
You’ll be ready.
PHILIPPE
Yes.
BOSS
I wasn’t asking a question.
PHILIPPE
Understood.
INT. SCENE - DESCRIPTION
A police siren goes off outside and they all stop together, momentarily, resuming work as it goes on again in the distance
BOSS
We finish cutting, we get it over to England where they pay top dollar. Not cut too much. Just right. The English pay big money and it needs to be good enough.
PHILIPPE
Understood.
BOSS
And this time, Philippe. I want you there with the English. Do you understand? You will make it happen.
PHILIPPE
You want me to be there? Why?
BOSS
Because your man is using kids. I saw it last time.
PHILIPPE
But kids they are good. Kids cannot be police.
BOSS
He’s doing it to save money. Kids are cheap and it makes him more money but kids are stupid. They make mistakes. They are not… professional.
PHILIPPE
And you want me to keep an eye on them?
BOSS
No, Philippe. I want you to tell the son of a bitch to get fucking professional or no more deals. You understand?
PHILIPPE
And if he doesn’t?
BOSS
You will make him understand. Tu comprends?
PHILIPPE
Je comprends.
BOSS
Do you trust me Philippe? Really, do you?
PHILIPPE
Yes, I trust you.
BOSS
But do you really trust me? With everything we have been through, do you still question me? You remember Thailand? You remember Columbia? How many other people could’ve done what I did?
PHILIPPE
Nobody else.
BOSS
Do you fear me as well Philippe?
PHILIPPE
That is between me and God.
BOSS
Good. Now, we eat. Make sure they finish and afterwards…
PHILIPPE
After?
BOSS
I have something to do.
PHILIPPE
[Shouts instructions at a thug overseeing the work.] This way.