slo motion in scripts.

[benj09]

hello, i am writing a screenplay about a post apocolyptic earth. I have many scenes where i want the gun shots to be in slow motion. I have written it down like this.

Jimmy shoots two bullets. They come out of the gun
in slow motion. The first bullet hits Waste lander#1’s gun.
The second hits his left knee cap.
and

He pulls the
trigger and the bullet flies out in slow motion. The bullet
travels through the air in slow motion. The bullet pierces
Waste Lander#1’s right leg.

is this looking okay or....

 

[2001 Productions]

I would advise against doing that, personally. That kind of shooting style choice is normally the discretion of the director and DP. There's no law against your putting it in there, of course, and if you've got a cracking good story it's likely to be forgiven by a reader, but it does taint you as a bit of an amateur.

Having said that, if there is a very specific REASON it needs to be there in order for the plot to work, by all means include it. But if it's just something you think would be a cool effect, that's not the writer's department. Just tell the story.

 

[Unknown Screenwriter]

I guess it depends...

hello, i am writing a screenplay about a post apocolyptic earth. I have many scenes where i want the gun shots to be in slow motion. I have written it down like this.

Jimmy shoots two bullets. They come out of the gun
in slow motion. The first bullet hits Waste lander#1’s gun.
The second hits his left knee cap.
and

He pulls the
trigger and the bullet flies out in slow motion. The bullet
travels through the air in slow motion. The bullet pierces
Waste Lander#1’s right leg.

is this looking okay or....

What are you trying to achieve here? Are you writing a script you want to shoot on your own? Is this a story/screenplay you hope to sell one day?

I think it's been mentioned many times before here on the site that if you're shooting something on your own, of course you can write it any way you like... Having said that, there is STILL an argument to be made for writing it the right way ESPECIALLY when or if you're involving others to help develop your vision ESPECIALLY if any of those others are experienced filmmakers.

So I won't say that how you did it is wrong but I would say that there is PROBABLY a better way to do it.

Make sense?

If I were writing this and I did in fact want the slow motion to be part of the action, I might do it something like this...

Jimmy FIRES twice at Wastelander #1.

SLOW MOTION

Two bullets cut through vapor -- one hits Wastelander #1's gun -- second
bullet penetrates his left knee cap.

JIMMY'S FINGER

pulls the trigger again

SLOW MOTION

A third bullet on a straight trajectory pierces Wastelander#1's right leg.

Not saying that's the actual way to do it because there is no actual way to do it. What you want to do is direct the MIND'S EYE of the reader. Play the scene in your own mind's eye and then try to transcribe that to the the written page. This is how I would see the action but that's just me...

Of course the way you did it is fine as a first draft... In a first draft, you write everything the way you NEED to write it to get it OUT of you. During the rewrite and tweaking is when you can tighten it all up and make it look nice -- properly formatted -- and more appealing to the mind's eye.

As for the slow motion itself... You don't want to get too bogged down by these kinds of effects. While it is perfectly okay to include them (not overdo them), they should provide some kind of tone or flavor to the writing IF they are not germane to the actual scene. Contrary to popular belief, it is okay to pepper a script with some cool effects along the way as long as you have an actual story.

filmy

 

[benj09]

Thanks actually I'm writing the film based on a game i recently played (Fallout) and Slow motion is very important to the game so i wanted it to be incorperated into the film.

This is the first draft and I normally go over everything I have written after 10 pages and add more detail and then tweak things.

Thanks for the advice

 

[backlash]

The slow motion part doesn't really add much to a script, even makes it harder to read.

Additionally, if someone else is going to direct this, a whole new dimension can be added, and maybe the flying bullets visual effect you describe won't even be interesting.

 

[benj09]

well i think its interesting.... Thats why I'm writing it.

 

[VPTurner]

Thanks actually I'm writing the film based on a game i recently played (Fallout) and Slow motion is very important to the game so i wanted it to be incorperated into the film.

This is the first draft and I normally go over everything I have written after 10 pages and add more detail and then tweak things.

Thanks for the advice

See if you can find a copy of the script used for Max Payne. Slo mo was very integral to that game, too, and they used it in the movie (bad movie, IMO, but it got made). Also look at The Matrix script. If it's not used there, as others have said I would not use it in your script unless it is crucial to the plot.

 

[caseyhein]

I'm not sure if its allowed to post portions of scripts, I would assume its fine as long as I give it credit and make no claims to own it.

THIS IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE MOTION PICTURE SCREENPLAY FOR THE FILM "THE MATRIX" BY LARRY AND ANDY WACHOWSKI

INT. SUBWAY STATION - DAY 178
Neo whip-draws his gun with the flashpoint speed of
lightning as!--
Smith OPENS FIRE.
GUN REPORT THUNDERS through the underground, both men
BLASTING, moving at impossible speed.
For a blinking moment we enter BULLET-TIME.
Gun flash tongues curl from Neo's gun, bullets float
forward like a plane moving across the sky, cartridges
cartwheel into space.
An instant later they are nearly on top of each other,
rolling up out of a move that is almost a mirrored
reflection of the other --
Each jamming their gun tight to the other's head.
They freeze in a kind of embrace; Neo sweating, panting,
Agent Smith machine-calm. Agent Smith smiles.

I read Max Payne also and I couldn't find any examples of "bullet time" use writing into the script. I must say, the screenplay works far better than the film did.


p.s. I'm sorry if I broke a rule please delete this post if its not allowed.

EDIT: I only read the shooting scripts for both, that may make a difference in the above scene vs. the same scene in a spec version.

 

[wcmartell]

Thanks actually I'm writing the film based on a game i recently played (Fallout)

Um, do you own the film rights to the game?

I would not write slow motion in a script - not the writer's job - but I might try to use longer sentences and more details in order to make it read like slow motion.

But - do you own the film rights to the game?

- Bill

 

[dangerouscreenwriter]

LISTEN TO BILL!

If you don't own the rights, you're wasting your time.

 

[2001 Productions]

Couple folks have brought up The Matrix. That movie was written by the same team that would ultimately direct it, which means the script for that movie was closer to a shooting script than your average spec. If you're writing a script that you intend to direct yourself, then you should feel free to include shooting references such as slo-mo sequences, camera angles, all of that.

If you're writing it purely as a spec with the intent of interesting someone else in producing it, I recommend leaving that stuff out.

 

[benj09]

Thanks for the advice ppl. The script was a student project and It came second in a local award. The judges were local theatre directors and some actors. They said the characters were dense and interesting and seemed very real. The winner was a film set in 1920 about a car accident that tore a family apart. Mine was a play about the lives of 2 different boys. 1 who lived in a vault with a loving father and safety. While the other boy was living in the harsh wastelands. The vault boy ends up fighting another boy in the vault and killing him. Forcing him to either live in jail or go into the wastelands. The two boys then end up cell mates in a slave traders paradise.

They break out and then try to survive the harsh wastelands and escape hordes of barbaric slave traders.