Short Script Feedback

[mrbigchin]

I just finished my latest script and I wanted you guys to have a read.

The title is: "Spider on the Wall"

It's about the idea that a spider on the wall is more than meets the eye.

It's a real easy read, no dialogue. Be as critical as you need to be.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...GItYTRhMi00ZTNmLWIyZmMtYmE2M2QwMmVlMDll&hl=en

 

[Jack Lynt]

I like it. It's clever. It's fun. I liked the bit about continuing to watch the spider in the mirror in particular. It seems like a very nice visual and somehow rings very true for me.

Is this a shooting script? If you're writing this for youself to direct, for example, I can see why you might write it this way. On the other hand, if you're writing this to sell to someone else, I believe the maxim is thou shalt not write camera directions into your script. If that is the case, I would agree that you ought to remove all the camera direction; first and foremost, you want to tell the story, not tell the director how to shoot it.

Nice work.

 

[mrbigchin]

I like it. It's clever. It's fun. I liked the bit about continuing to watch the spider in the mirror in particular. It seems like a very nice visual and somehow rings very true for me.

Is this a shooting script? If you're writing this for youself to direct, for example, I can see why you might write it this way. On the other hand, if you're writing this to sell to someone else, I believe the maxim is thou shalt not write camera directions into your script. If that is the case, I would agree that you ought to remove all the camera direction; first and foremost, you want to tell the story, not tell the director how to shoot it.

Nice work.

I'm glad you liked it. It was written for me to direct but thanks for the advice on writing it for another to direct. Maybe I'll try writing something for some else.

 

[SteveMunro]

I think it's playful - showing a moment of someone stoned alone while watching horror. And I agree with Richy - if you're showing your scripts to anyone they should definitely be free of camera directions and over-used parentheses. Have you read the script to 'Alien'? It's the most beautifully succinct script to come across and is masterful with the 'show don't tell' maxim. You've got a good imagination, let others use it
Steve