Short Film Challenge - 1st Draft

[rlf1810]

Hey guys,

This is something I whipped up today for a short film challenge I'm doing.

The challenge is:

Length - 10 minutes or less
Main Character - Under 21
Prop - Handcuffs
Dialogue - 'Don't close the door on me'

http://www.box.net/shared/2q3jonfsfl

It's still untitled at this point. Any and all feedback on what you feel I can do better would be great. Thanks in advance!

-Robert

EDIT: 3rd Draft uploaded. Still no title though.. suggestions?

 

[Murdock]

Its good. Gotta admit, after reading the criteria, I was trying to think of a way to get a guy locked

in the bathroom of a hotel room, while a hot chick orgy is going on outside. I'm sure you see

where the "dont close the door on me"line comes in

 

[rlf1810]

Hmm, maybe in a future rewrite murdock Thanks for reading.

 

[Murdock]

Hmm, maybe in a future rewrite murdock Thanks for reading.

No problem. I really did like your narrative.