critique Sci Fi Screenplay Critiques.

[PaulWrightyThen]

Hi Everyone.

First time for everything. This is the first time I've submitted a screenplay for peer critique.

There are two versions, ones a PDF and one is in RTF for older systems.

'A couple going through fertility tests are summoned to the clinic on results day. The news they receive will not only reveal whether or not they can conceive but may also call into question their very humanity'

https://onedrive.live.com/redir?res...24&authkey=!AFLAp5isF0Rj-4k&ithint=folder,pdf

1st draft. Already know what I want to change, but I would be most grateful to hear what folks on here have to say.

Thanks in advance.

 

[maz]

Much better, but I think the interaction still falls apart with Ryan's reaction to Emily. The way he reacts is as though she has been lying to him for a long time, or something similarly blameworthy. If he fell in love with who she is, I think that would take a lot more to shatter so completely than for her to learn something that is just as devastating to her as it is to him. He comes across as a petulant child, so it's probably a good thing he's not having kids

 

[PaulWrightyThen]

Yeah, you're probably right on that. I've got a new draft brewing. In my head, admittedly.