Robo Arms (working title) Page 1

[Hattori Hanzo]

int. front seat of car. night

three men are sitting in a car. their faces are lit only by a streetlight above them. the driver and passenger are both wearing black. a man in the backseat is smoking.

BACKSEAT

Chill out dawg. You know what he had me doing on my first job? Shootin' dogs.

PASSANGER

What?

BACKSEAT

Fuckin' vicious ass dogs man. My first day on the job we roll up to this shady junkyard type place;

BACKSEAT signals to surroundings

makes here look like Disney land. MAGDEM hands me a .45 and tells me to cap anything that growls. So I hop this fence and the second my feet hit the dirt I hear growlin' and chains draggin' on the ground, but I couldn't see shit, right? So I go to jump back over the fence and they all just run at me at once; I could hear em'. One bit my fuckin shoe and almost pulled me back down

DRIVER smiles.

but I shake it off just barely and make it over; new Jordans, trashed. I click on this little light I had with me and probably 20 dogs, no shit, hit this rusty chain link fence simultaneously; I thought they were gonna take the thing down. Really, it's not even fair to call them dogs, more like bears. It would be like if Cujo fucked the dog from Sandlot and their love child fucked a bear. 20 of those. I mean I just got over that fence nigga.

PASSANGER

Than what?

BACKSEAT

I shot em' all, as per requested. I had to reload there were so many. You have never seen so much blood in your life. So the morale of that tale is for you to relax, you got it easy.

PASSANGER

I'm great.

DRIVER turns on a police SCANNER. it crackles and beeps to life. DRIVER signals to BACKSEAT.

DRIVER

Call them now.

BACKSEAT pulls out a walkie talkie

BACKSEAT

We all good, do it now.

WALKIE

You got it.


all is silent for about 30 seconds. you can see the dimly illuminated faces of everyone in the car. lots of small pops are heard in the distance.

SCANNER

We have multiple shots fired at 47th and west end. All available officers please respond.

DRIVER

Go.








I'm new at using CELTX so excuse me if some of the formatting is wrong.

The basic premise of the story is about a man who breaks into a warehouse to steal cash from a safe. He is caught by the guard (an evil man) He gets both his arms cut off with a machete and is left for dead. His gang finds him moments later near death and bring him back to an auto shop. They can't bring him to the hospital because he is wanted, so they decide to build him a pair of robotic arms using the tools from the autoshop. This is the story so far; it's still in very early stages of development.

 

[maralyn]

I think your writing is really good. Very realistic, and well paced.

I was surprised by the weirdness of the story though. They make mechanical arms for him? Just like that? Wouldn't that involve months, if not years of surgery and rehabilitation?

 

[Hattori Hanzo]

I think your writing is really good. Very realistic, and well paced.

I was surprised by the weirdness of the story though. They make mechanical arms for him? Just like that? Wouldn't that involve months, if not years of surgery and rehabilitation?

Thanks a lot man. I'm not really going for total realism when it comes to the actual construction of the arms because I have no budget but basically one of his friends runs to an architect with pictures of the injurys. A few words are exchanged between the man and the architect. The architect nods. Que cool music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzt3BCpFj48 A sped up montage shot of the man drawing a blueprint begins. The architect runs to the auto garage and shows a man the plans. The blueprints are now reflected in the face of a wielding mask, lots of sparks, cool sci fi music continues and the arms are built.

 

[maralyn]

okay, but I wouldn't call it Robo Arms though, unless it's a parody on Robo Cop.

 

[joey1320]

Your writing is good, very well done.

So the bad guy gets the Steve Austin treatment? And then what happens? Why should I sympathise with a thief and be excited he got robotic arms? If you want the audience to be attached to the character, you have to give some admirable qualities.