Question about animation

A

afac81a

Quick question---I have just started advertising my animation script. Here's how it goes...

JAZZ CAT
Genre: Children's Comedy Animation
Length: 66 pgs/min
WGA Reg. #-R20432

Logline: Jazz Cat is a children's comedy animation screenplay based on two young cat's being unexpectedly seperated in the city. Join Rat Cat as he desperatly searches for his sister, in hopes of being reunited.

If further interested, email me at: afac81a@hotmail.com

Am I advertising it wrong, and that's why I haven't had any interest? Or is it just the wrong season to advertise? It's been on the market for about 3 weeks now.

Please answer, I'm very discouraged.

Thanks!
 
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CootDog,

Which one sounds better?

A) Jazz Cat is about two young cats being separated in the big city. Join Rat Cat as he takes an adventure through the city, in hopes of reuniting with his sister.

OR

B) Join Rat Cat as he takes a hilarious adventure through the big city. With dangers and friends that surround every corner, this adventurous comedy will be loved not only by children, but adults.

Thanks in advance!
 
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A couple of basic, basic things about loglines. First, don't tell us how much we'll love it. Let us decide that for ourselves. Second, do NOT be afraid to reveal story. Ideas are not copyrightable, so you're not doing yourself any favors by being cagey. In fact, the more story you tell us, the more protected you are.

And I agree that interchanging Rat Cat and Jazz Cat is confusing.

If I were you, I'd start with the synopsis instead of a logline. That might help the others here help you determine what your story is REALLY about and create a logline from there.
 
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So, I take it that I should go with B right?

It's not giving to much away, and it would make people want to read the synopsis.

Wait a minute.......

Come to think about it Beeblebrox...after what you just said, I should go with A.
B tells you how much you'll love it. However, A gets right to the point. Am I right? Should I just go with A?

Thanks in advance!
 
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Beeblebrox,

I just got slammed to the wall as I asked the same question on a different board. Since you were helpful, I'll just ask you.

Should I just go with A?

I rewrote the second sentence to:

Join Rat Cat as he adventures through the city, in hopes of reuniting with his sister.

Does that sound better? Should I just go w/that?

Please reply.

Thanks!
 
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For the upteenth time,

this is NOT a good thing to have:

"in hopes of reuniting with his sister."

It does not sound better. It sounds like crap. Does it NEED to be there?

I think you're also mentioning CAT too often. Too many rhyming words.

You say thanks to Ladd and my responses but you're not listening or changing anything OR answering questions.

If you dissagree, then say so.
 
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CootDog said:
You say thanks to Ladd and my responses but you're not listening or changing anything OR answering questions.
Click to expand...

I agree with this.

Afac, again, what is your story actually about? What happens? Don't try to make it too short and sweet (but don't go on for pages either). In a paragraph or two, what happens in your story?
 
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Beeblebrox said:
...there are no low-budget animated films. They're generally produced by big studios for big money. And most of their stories come from inside their own departments. It's extremely rare for them to buy an outside story.
Click to expand...

Sorry but.. nope! Direct to DVD animation features for kids are hot right now. Check out the kids section next time you visit Blockbuster or even your local drug store. I have a friend-of-a-friend that just made a 3 picture deal for animation scripts to be produced in Canada - his only previous credits were a string of short comedy pieces and some traditional production work in NYC - (he's not an animator himself). Not as prestigious or artistically rewarding as the specialty/festival circuit but at least it's writing/directing feature scripts.
 
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You're absolutely right, filmscheduling, in the absolutism of my statement, which is my mistake. I'm personally working on a low-budgeted animated film as well. But for all practical purposes, it's a non-starter for an unknown writer to sell a concept like this on spec. My project was pitched by the director of the project. I'm getting ready to work on another one that will be pitched by a major movie director (acting as exec producer).

That's not to say it can't be done, but it's a much, much steeper hill to climb than live action film.
 
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Beeblebrox said:
You're absolutely right, filmscheduling, in the absolutism of my statement, which is my mistake. I'm personally working on a low-budgeted animated film as well. But for all practical purposes, it's a non-starter for an unknown writer to sell a concept like this on spec. My project was pitched by the director of the project. I'm getting ready to work on another one that will be pitched by a major movie director (acting as exec producer).

That's not to say it can't be done, but it's a much, much steeper hill to climb than live action film.
Click to expand...

Spec scripts of any kind always seem to be a lottery to me. For the unknown writer, sounds like getting some shorts made or a comic strip/graphic novel underway would be the thing to do. I think a serious beginning writer would try to make shorts him/herself or partner with a budding director who liked the writing.. also there's the Peter Jackson route of using puppets in a first feature.. :cool:
 
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filmscheduling said:
Spec scripts of any kind always seem to be a lottery to me.
Click to expand...

I know or know of lots of people who've sold specs (minority though they may be in the grand scheme of things) to studios and indies alike.

I don't know ANYONE who's sold a spec animated script. I know people who've been hired to write scripts for animation, but no specs.

Again, not to say it can't be done, but it's much more difficult.
 
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Oh, I agree that straight to DVD animations are hot! I have two kids and I KNOW it.

The simple fact is, Michele asks us questions, we answer with suggestions. The are not listened to.
We ask questions to try and get more understanding, to beter help her but there's no response.

She's new to this community and hopefully she'll learn that we are here to help eachother out. And once you start participating in the conversation, you'll get better answers and more involved in this community.

I don't like one sided conversations, they are boring and end pretty quickly. Michele, we're only trying to help you but we can't help if you don't answer our questions.

Also, remove the word "that".
 
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CootDog,

Thank you for the warm words. Yes, I am new to the community. I'm a new writer that only sold a few scripts. So, I need as much help as I can get. This is the first animation I wrote, and I'm struggling not only with the logline, but selling it as well. I will start participating more to the conversation, and get back to you with a new logline.

Thanks again!
 
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Afac,

You need to go back and read the posts carefully. As Cootdog was trying to point out very nicely, the logline is the least of the issues with your project.
 
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Alright guys,

Here's the new one: Follow this fantastic feline fantasy as Rat Cat searches for his sister and finds adventure and excitement along the way.

Is that better? hope so.
 
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There are too many "and"s in there... add another descriptive word, remove an "and", and add commas.

Why is the character named Rat Cat? Is that what the other characters call him?
 
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