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PSEUDONAMES, a 15 Page Political Satire/RomCom

Nice job!

I liked the dialog a lot. It really show cased the personality of the characters well.

A couple things that felt a little off were:

1- The readiness of the boyfriend to give up. He went from ready to physically fight for her (granted men can sometimes be this way for no reason) to don't show up to the party really quickly. It was jarring.

2- I cannot imagine two guys who don't know each other likely trading wrestling and slaps. Poking with the ballon, sure, but that felt a little implausible. Maybe show the escalation and when Liz steps in she could ask Jerry to step back a bit.

I really liked it and hope you do get to film it :)
 
Eyy! Thank you :D The dialogue is probaly what I've changed most over the last couple drafts; good to know it paid off!

The readiness of the boyfriend to give up.

You're not the first to say that :/ but I'm not sure what to do about it. I want to keep the script as short as possible, and the stroy isn't about the boyfriend. What if I include a line in the first page or so about him generally being quite quick to give up on things. D'ya reckon that would help?

I cannot imagine two guys who don't know each other likely trading wrestling and slaps.

I see what you mean. I might tone that down. Was hoping it would come across as more slapstick-y. Like Monty Python type fighting y'know?
 
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