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Promo for Novek

I don't post here that often, but when I do, its pretty much about this film my brother and I are working on. We decided to make it into a web series, but of course, we need proper funding so we're designing a promo for the kickstarter ad.

Here's the script (still rough cut). Check it out and let me know what you think...or don't. I appreciate all comments:

Novek Promo

QUICK NEWS FOOTAGE OF CHAOS AROUND THE WORLD

CUT TO CREDITS

RICK (V.O)
(chuckle)

CUT TO:

(1) INT. RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) ECU ON RICK’S MOUTH

RICK

…These people, man.

CUT TO:

QUICK NEWS FOOTAGE OF CHAOS AROUND THE WORLD

CUT TO CREDITS

RICK (V.O)

They’re sheltered…

CUT TO:

(2) INT. RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) ECU ON GUN IN RICK’S LAP AS HE LOADS IT

RICK

…Every one of em.

CUT TO:

SHOTS OF NEWS ANCHORS TALKING ALL AT ONCE, AS THEY COVER THE SAME PIECE

NEWS ANCHOR #1

Many are claiming that this is the end of the World.

NEWS ANCHOR #2

There’s just total anarchy in the streets.

CUT TO CREDITS:

RICK (V.O)

It’s not their fault, really.

CUT TO:

(3) INT. RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) ECU ON EYES LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW

RICK

They were just raised right.

CUT TO:

QUICK NEWS FOOTAGE OF CHAOS

NEWS ANCHOR #3

People are committing mass suicide.

NEWS ANCHOR #4

It’s unbelievable how large this thing is growing.

CUT TO CREDITS

RICK (V.O)

But bein raised right doesn’t teach you about the world and how cruel it can be.

CUT TO:

(4) INT. RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) ECU ON ANOTHER MAN WITH A HATCHET, he nervously taps it.

RICK

It makes ya un-prepared.

CUT TO:

QUICK NEWS FOOTAGE OF CHAOS


NEWS ANCHOR #3

Shots are being fired.

NEWS ANCHOR #4

Whatever this thing is…It is changing us.

HARD CUT TO:

(5) INT. RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) ECU ON BARREL OF GUN NEXT TO RICK’S MOUTH. CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES OUT TO SHOW TWO MEN SITTING IN A CAR PARKED IN A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD AS THEY LISTEN TO THE RADIO.

RICK inspects his gun. WILL, who is holding a hatchet, stares up at the sky.

RICK

Ya see, Yer mind’s all warped into believing that everythins safe… But when the sky opens up and everyone knows they’re dyin, ain’t nothin safe no more.

Rick turns to Will.

RICK

The people open up. Show their true colors…Hey. You listen to me?

Rick taps Carl who turns to look at him for a second. He then turns back and continues staring up at the sky. Meanwhile, Rick continues to load his gun.

RICK

Get your head outta the gutter. And turn that shit off. I’m tired of hearin about that thing in the sky.

Rick turns the radio off.

WILL

You aint curious about it?

(B) CUT TO RICK AND WILL,

RICK

Curious? (laughs) Now, that’s what’ll getcha killed.. Na, the only thing we gotta be focusin on is livin.

WILL

For now.

(C) CUT TO RICK

RICK

Boy, you don’t know that…Shit, for all we know it’s a welcomin party from God. Ain’t nobody knows what that thing is.

Rick turns to look out at the houses.

(D) ECU ON RICK AS HE LOOKS OUT,

RICK

Look at this shit…

(E) POV OF RICK, you see rows of houses and a car sitting in a yard. Plumes of smoke can be seen in the distance.

RICK

None of these people see a future, Will. But, what if there is one?

(F) ECU ON RICK

RICK

I mean, what if we go on livin? Shouldn’t we prepare for that, too?

(G) ECU ON WILL, he nods in agreement.

(H) Rick turns to look out once more as he puts a loaded magazine in the gun. He cocks it back before turning back to Will.

RICK

…Well alright then. Let’s do this right.

Rick LEAVES THE KEYS IN THE CAR and casually exits the vehicle.

CUT TO:

(6) EXT. OUTSIDE RICK’S CAR – DAY

(A) RICK and WILL exit the car and slowly make their way toward the house. Rick looks both ways as they cross the street, while Will stares up at the sky, mesmerized by something above them.

(B) WIDE SHOT, as both make their way toward the house across the street. Above them, you see a large SUPER NOVA-LIKE PORTAL hanging in the sky.

(7) INT. SORIN’S HOUSE – DAY [ALL POWER IS OFF]

(A) ECU ON RADIO,

NEWS ANCHOR

And now for the first time, NASA is ready to disclose everything they know to the public.

(B) The front door is smashed open. Two looters rush into SORIN’S house. One of them wields an axe while the other holds a pistol.

(C) The two looters stop when they hear a RADIO playing. Rick looks at Will and signals him to cautiously move forward.

They slowly make their way around the hallway.

(D) Rick and Will come around the corner and walk down some steps that lead into a living room. When the two reach the bottom, they stop to scan the area.

CAMERA PANS AROUND TO SHOW AN EMPTY LIVING ROOM WITH A RADIO ON THE TABLE, PLAYING.

ECU ON RADIO,

(E) ECU ON LOOTERS, Rick turns to Will and motions him to look around. They split up. Rick walks toward the basement, while Will walks into another room.

(F) ECU ON RADIO,

NEWS ANCHOR

Alright ladies and gentlemen. Lets go live to the Press Room.

You hear cameras flashing in a room filled with restless people.

DR. ERNHEIST

Ladies and Gentlemen. I’ll get straight to the point.

(G) Will pilfers around a bedroom, looking through the drawers, while the radio plays. CAMERA MOVES BACK TO SHOW AN OPEN BOX SITTING ON TOP OF A DRESSER, with a bullet shell next to it.

DR. ERNHEIST

What we’re dealing with here is..un-natural. It cannot be rationalized.

(H) Rick stands at the top of the stairs for a moment before slowly making his way down into the basement.

DR. ERNHEIST

The anomaly technically doesn’t exist, yet its growing bigger everyday.

(I) ECU ON SORIN’S CHEEK. Sweat rolls down the side of it as he breathes heavily.

Dr. ERNHESIT

We can’t even see it through any scientific instrumentation.

(J) ECU ON RICK’S FEET, as he slowly descends.

DR. ERNHEIST

Camera, photo multipliers, radio telescopes. None of them work because it doesn’t even emit energy.

(K) ECU ON SORIN’S EYES, they are closed.

(L) Rick stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks around before moving off to the right.

The camera moves the opposite way and slowly looks off to the corner where Sorin hides.

DR. ERNHEIST

To be frank..it’s an absolute mystery that we’re able to see it right now.

(M) ECU ON SORIN’S GUN, as he nervously holds it. The camera moves up to show Sorin, closing his eyes as he hopes that the stranger will simply go away.

DR. ERNHEIST

And Even more startling is that no other animal in the kingdom can see it. Only us.

(N) Rick cautiously veers off to the right, looking in every direction. He sees nothing of interest and moves back over towards Sorin.

DR. ERNHEIST

Sigh..I’m not going pretend to know what this is or where it came from.

(O) Sorin breathes heavily. When he hears Rick approaching, he moves the gun toward his chest and looks off t the left.

DR. ERNHEIST

…because with everything we know about the universe, there’s nothing that can explain this phenomenon.

The camera moves left to show Rick in the background slowly making his way toward Sorin. Right before he reaches him, Sorin moves around the corner, catching Rick with his gun slightly lowered.

REPORTER

Do you think the World is ending?

(P) OTS ON RICK, he freezes in step as Sorin holds his gun at him, very wide eyed and ready to shoot.

ECU ON RADIO,

DR. ERNHEIST

(distressed)
…Sigh…I don’t know…

(Q) OTS OF SORIN, Rick looks concerned but collected. He stares at Sorin right in the eyes.

(R) ECU ON SORIN, sweat is all over his face. He is completely wide-eyed and ready to shoot.

SORIN

Put the gun down.

(S) ECU ON RICK, he looks calm but concerned as he slowly places his gun on the ground. He slowly backs away.

(T) This prompts Sorin to walk with him, too scared to tell him to stop.

SORIN

What are you doing here?

RICK

Hey. Relax now. I’m not here to hurt anyone.

(U) Rick stops right in the middle of the room.

RICK

I was just lookin for some things I needed…For my wife. You see, She’s pregnant and well..

(V) ECU ON SORIN,

RICK

You know what it’s like out there…

(W) ECU ON RICK, he looks down at the ground for a second and off to the left, but only just slightly so that you can barely notice.

RICK

There ain’t nothin left no more in the stores.

Rick looks back up and slowly move backwards and to the right. Sorin slowly follows him.

RICK

To be honest, I didn’t think anyone was home.

(X) ECU ON SORIN, as he turns the corner, you see a blurred out version of Will behind Sorin, slowly making his way down the stairs, toward him.


SORIN

So then, what’s the gun for?

(Y) ECU ON RICK AS HE STOPS,

RICK

What’s yours for?

(Z) ECU ON SORIN, Will is right on top of him.

RICK

Its just protection. That’s all.

(AA) Will takes the butt end of the axe and in one swing, knocks Sorin to the ground.

(AB) Rick moves out of the way as Sorin falls face first onto the hard floor.

RICK

Woah. There we go.

(AC) His gun slides under the table.

(AD) ECU ON SORIN, he looks like he’s about to pass out as he struggles to turn himself around. His left hand is under the table where the gun slid.

RICK

Get my gun.

(AE) POV OF SORIN, his vision is blurry, as he glances over at Rick who is staring at him as Will hands him his gun. He looks underneath the table.

ECU ON SORIN, he sees the gun that he dropped.

ECU ON GUN

ECU ON SORIN, he looks back over at Rick.

(AE) POV OF SORIN, Rick crouches down with his gun in his hand.

RICK
(laughs)

Boy, you look like you were bout to shoot me there for a second.

(AF) ECU ON RICK

RICK

But now you done fucked up.

(AG) ECU ON SORIN. He is in searing pain.

(AH) Rick examines Sorin for a moment, while Will stands behind him.

RICK

So whadya think, Will…Is he all alone or does he live with someone else?

WILL

I think he’s all alone.

RICK

Hmm…Well. I guess ya ain’t gonna tell us even if we ask…Why don’t ya go check it out, Will.

(AI) ECU ON RICK, He turns to Will,

RICK

Put us all at ease.

(AJ) ECU ON WILL

WILL

You be alright down here?

(AK) WIDE SHOT OF RICK AND WILL. Rick turns back toward Sorin and stands up.

RICK

Oh, don’t you worry bout us…

(AL) ECU ON SORIN, he looks half in and out of consciousness as he sits there, helpless.

RICK

…We be alright.

(AM) With that, Will slowly makes his way upstairs, leaving Rick and Sorin down in the dark basement.

Rick continues to point his gun at him before slowly sitting off on the edge of the desk; gun always pointed at Sorin.

(AO) Sorin slowly sits up, back against the desk.

RICK
(sighs)

…It’s pretty crazy what’s goin on out there.

ECU ON RICK

RICK

Ya know, lotta folks sayin its gonna kill us. But, I don’t think it’s gonna do that…I mean We’re all just having waay too much fun for that to happen right now…

Rick scans Sorin with his eyes before extending his hand out for a shake.

RICK

I’m Rick by the way.

(AP) Sorin looks at him, confused and angry.

Rick puts his hand back.
RICK
(smiles)

Now, don’tcha go lookin at me like ya know me.

Rick stands up and points the gun at him.

RICK

…You don’t know a god damn thing. And if ya did, you’d be doin the same thing.

SORIN

I..I don’t know what you want. But, just take what you need and leave. No one’s gonna judge you…It’s the portal.

(AQ) Rick gives a smug expression.

RICK

…The night that thing showed? I was runin from the cops cuz I shot a man. I was drivin down Eastern Ave about to cross Franklin…

(AR) ECU ON SORIN, a look of shock grows on his face.

RICK

And then I saw it…

(AS) ECU ON RICK

RICK

Hangin in the sky near the moon. I didn’t know what it was but I couldn’t get my eyes off it. That’s when I ran a red light and hit a woman.

(AT) Sorin is shaking as he is in complete awe of what he just told him.

RICK

She died that night…

ECU ON RICK,

RICK

…And when they told me at the hospital you know what I felt?

ECU ON SORIN, he continues to look at him with some deep seeded emotion.

ECU ON RICK,

RICK

Nothing…Not a damn thing.

Rick slowly sits back down on the edge of the desk.

RICK

I killed a good number of people…And with every kill I always killed a bit of myself.

ECU ON SORIN, he continues staring up at him.

RICK

But that woman…

ECU ON RICK,

RICK

She was the last thread that kept me together.

Rick raises up once more, continuing to point the gun at Sorin.

RICK

Anyway, I guess the point I’m tryin to make is that I was crazy before the portal even came…

ECU ON SORIN, he stares off in complete bafflement.

RICK

…And I ain’t the only one.

ECU ON RICK,

RICK

I worked with tons of people jus like myself. We all preyed on the weak because that’s how it always was and that’s how it’ll always be. (Laughs) The portal made us crazy…The portal didn’t do shit, cept showed us for who we really are…animals.

MCU ON SORIN, he continues looking at him, awe-struck.

SORIN

No...

Rick smirks at this.

RICK

Oh yeah? Ya don’t think so…Well, why don’t ya grab that gun underneath the table.

ECU ON SORIN, he is surprised by this.

ECU ON RICK,

RICK

You didn’t think I noticed you eyein for it…If I gave ya a chance, would you have it in ya to shoot me?

Sorin sits there for a moment, not sure if he should grab it. He then slowly reaches underneath the table and grabs the gun.

RICK

That’s it.

MCU ON RICK,

RICK

Show me what you were meanin to do.

SIDE SHOT MCU ON SORIN, he slowly raises the firearm toward Rick.

MCU ON RICK,

RICK

Alright…Now, I’m gonna make this real easy for ya.

Rick slowly places the gun on the table next to him. He then raises his hands like before when Sorin had the gun on him.

ECU ON SORIN, he just sits there with the gun pointed at him with an intense angry expression.

MCU ON RICK,

RICK

Well go on then..Stand up and shoot me like ya mean it!

Sorin slowly rises to his feet as he continues to point the gun at him.

RICK

There we go…

OTS OF SORIN,

RICK

Ya see…Your scared as shit right now cuz you know you won’t pull that trigger.

ECU ON SORIN,

RICK

Sweat rollin down your cheek. Eyes dilated. Hands shaking.

MCU ON RICK,

RICK

I’ve seen this before and it never ends very well for yer kind. Yer like a caged animal. Scared. You don’t know what to do. So you’ll just cower up and hide in the corner while my kind takes care of the rest. So you go ahead and pull that trigger before I reach for my gun.

OTS OF RICK,


SORIN
…If you met me six weeks ago, I probably wouldn’t pull the trigger…But when my fiancé died in a car crash between Eastern Ave and Franklin…

ECU ON RICK, his eyes grow wide.

SORIN

That’s when I knew,

ECU ON SORIN

SORIN

I had nothing to lose.

MCU ON RICK, realizing that Sorin is about to kill him because he killed his fiance, Rick goes for his gun.

MCU ON SORIN, he pulls the trigger. He is surprised and shell-shocked. You can hear nothing but a loud ring.

MCU ON RICK, he’s shot in the stomach and slowly stumbles to the ground. The ring still reverberates around the room.

MCU ON SORIN, for a moment he stands there, before slowly walking towards Rick.

MCU ON RICK, he falls on his back, continuing to hold himself up as he bleeds out. He is shell shocked by his misfortune.

MCU ON SORIN AS HE COMES INTO FRAME, he stares down at Rick with a look of horror as he bleeds to death.

ECU ON RICK, he gurgles out blood as he tries to speak.


RICK

I. Ha..

ECU ON SORIN, his bottom lip quivers as he just realizes that he’s about to kill a man for the first time in his life. You can hear him gasp for his last breath.

ECU ON RICK, his head goes limp as his aimlessly stares out into nothing.

MCU ON SORIN, he takes one step back, shocked by what just happened. For a moment, he just stares at the dead body. He then looks up toward the staircase as he realizes that Will is still upstairs. CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES IN.

(AAJ) MCU ON STAIRS AS IT SLOWLY MOVES IN, Sorin stands there for a good while, expecting Will to come at any moment.

(AAK) ECU ON SORIN, he slowly whispers to himself.

SORIN

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

(AAL) ECU AT TOP OF STAIRS, no one comes around the corner.

(AAM) ECU ON SORIN, he preps himself for the inevitable.

(AAN) SIDE SHOT, ECU ON GUN. He begins to walk forward, pointing the gun ahead of him.

(AAO) MCU ON SORIN, he carefully makes his way up the steps, still having to hold the walls from time to time. When he reaches the door, he slowly bends around the corner, ready to shoot someone.

(AAP) Sorin looks to his left. No one is there. He turns to his right and immediately spots Will.

(AAQ) MCU ON WILL, he stands there with the ax to his side. He is completely shocked as he notices Sorin holding a gun with a bloody face.

(AAR) ECU ON SORIN, he bares an intense expression, looking over at Will, gun half lowered as he breathes heavily.

(AAS) ECU ON WILL, he is wide eyed, bottom lip slightly shivering as he is expecting to get shot.

ECU ON TRIGGER OF GUN, Sorin slowly squeezes the trigger.

ECU ON WILL’S AX, he stands there for a second, before dropping the ax and quickly running off. Sorin slowly lowers his weapon.

ECU ON SORIN, he stares off in complete awe of what just happened. In the background, you can hear him rushing out the door.

(8) INT. SORIN’S BASEMENT – DAY

(A) Sorin sits at the top of the steps staring down at the dead body. He’s so emotionally paralyzed, he doesn’t know what to do.

(B) SIDE SHOT ECU ON SORIN, he continues to stare down at the body as he thinks about his next move.

(C) He suddenly gets the idea to take his wallet out.

(D) ECU ON WALLET, he flips through it until he finds the picture of his ex-girlfriend and him at the top of Dan’s Rock.

(E) ECU ON SORIN, he looks as though he’s about to cry.

(F) ECU ON PICTURE, Sorin looks very happy with her.

(G) ECU ON SORIN, he looks off, as a single tear roles down his cheek. He longs to be back at the mountain over-look with her.

(H) Sorin picks a bag up that sits in the corner.

(I) He slowly makes his way to the front door.

CUT TO:

(9) EXT. OUTSIDE SORIN’S HOUSE - MORNING

(A) Sorin throws the bag in the trunk of his car.

(B) The young man sits in the driver’s seat as he starts the engine.

(C) He drives off. CAMERA PANS UP to show the large portal hanging in the sky. CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS INTO THE PORTAL.

CUT TO TITLE: “NOVEK”

ROLL CREDITS
 
Okay, aside from the formatting (use CODE blocks to preserve spacing), this made me dizzy with all the cutting back and forth and ECUs and what not. It's fine that this is a shooting script since it's for you. Personally, it's too frenetic for me. The dialogue seems highly repetitive and the action rather dull through the mid section. Then you have Sorin say his GF was killed in a car crash. Why would he then turn around and "MCU ON RICK, realizing that Sorin is about to kill him because he killed his fiance, Rick goes for his gun." When was that made apparent to the audience OR Sorin? The Ernheist piece is opaque and does little to really help the viewer make sense of what's happening. It's a 'portal' to where? Has something come through? What's the big deal? Is it above the earth? Where did Will go? Where did Sorin come from? The use of so many cuts makes it feel choppy and lack a coherent story.
 
Yeah, it definitely reads that way since I'm being too specific about the shots. If I was just writing a script I would have used more generalized summaries of the whole event. But that's a good point for the crew's sake.

But basically the setting is that there's this portal that appeared in the sky six weeks ago. At first it was about the size of the moon. Everyone was galvanized by it since they didn't think it was dangerous. But after a week, scientists discovered that it was in the shape of a portal and that anything near it, disappears. They have no idea what its made of or how we're able to see it since it doesn't emit energy. The only thing they know is that it's growing bigger and will consume all of Earth in six weeks.

Now, we're in a World full of people going crazy since its presumed that the World is ending. People start looting, stop going to work, pray on the streets, party, kill, commit suicide etc. And in the middle of all this chaos are two looters Rick and Will. You don't know anything about them, where they came from, or what they went through. You just know that they're going around stealing shit and more or less making the World their playground.

The beginning is supposed to establish this basic setting with news footage and dialogue exchanges between Rick and Will who are sitting out in their truck across the street from the house they're about to rob.

Then they go in where they discover that someone may be home since a radio is playing (power is out). They split up. Will goes upstairs and Rick goes downstairs. We inter-cut between Will and Rick pilfering around as a NASA scientist discloses their findings. Will finds an open gun case in a room as Rick slowly makes his way down into the basement.

That's where he confronts Sorin (the home owner). Sorin pulls a gun on him while he has his guard down. He tells Rick to drop his gun. Rick does so and then spouts a bunch of bs saying that he's just looking for some things for his wife.

That's when Will sneaks up on Sorin and knocks him to the ground. Rick and Will debate about what they should do. Rick tells Will to finish checking upstairs to see if anyone else was home. While Will goes upstairs that's where we have a dialogue exchange between Rick and Sorin that eventually leads to a sort of debate. Sorin believes that the portal is what caused society to degrade whereas Rick points out that society was always crumbling and that he's walking proof of this.

He explains a story about how he was running from the cops before the portal came, only to hit and kill a woman between Franklin and Eastern Ave. He explains that he didn't feel anything when he found out she died. That's when he lost every sense of what made him human and all of this was before the portal came.

Sorin is shocked because his fiance died on the same corner in a car wreak around the same time. He realizes that Rick is the man responsible for this, but Rick has no idea that the woman was his fiance.

Anyway, Sorin just says "No..." almost like a, "no. I can't believe this." But Rick thinks he's disagreeing with him. So to prove a point he tells him to grab his gun that slide underneath the table. He goes one step further and puts his own gun down so that Sorin has an opportunity to shoot him. Rick thinks that Sorin doesn't have it in him since he's not like Rick and that's when Sorin confesses that the woman he ran into was his fiance. Rick tries to go for the gun, but is shot in the stomach before he has a chance.

Rick stumbles to the ground as Sorin watches him bleed out, not sure what to do since he never shot anyone. After Rick dies, he remembers that Will is still upstairs. Sorin slowly makes his way to the top and that's when he confronts Will. Will, shell-shocked bolts. Sorin remains still, as he's shaken up by the whole thing.

We then show Sorin at the top of the basement stairs, looking down at Rick's dead body. He then takes a picture out of his wallet and looks at him and his fiance at the top of a mountain overlook. That compels him to go there.

So, he packs his bag and gets in his car where he simply drives off with whatever gas is in his car. We end the promo by showing him drive off with the portal hanging in the sky.


I know...It's a lot, but there's a lot going on in this web series and so we're trying to show this so that we can get funding for the first episode. But yeah, maybe we should scale it back. Thanks for the input.
 
With all your back story that you shared, it makes sense. The script doesn't really convey that story clearly enough. It's always a hazard when writing. You've lived with the story and characters in your head that what you put on paper seems sufficient. But someone without that knowledge can't make head or tails of it.

I think you have three segments there. But since the portal is central to your webseries, I think you need to really focus on that. The piece with Rick, Sorin, and Will should happen in episode 2. It's fine to introduce them but you really need to sell the audience on the impact of this phenomenon not just tell them (exposition) through the NASA interview. Sell me on how this portal is truly affecting life on earth and you jumpstart the series.

What I would suggest is introduce the phenomenon by having the woman killed in a car crash as the driver in the other car (Rick) is looking up at the portal. Flash to an interview with Ernheist where he answers basic questions. I'd have a military general interrupt the interview and close it down. Then maybe a closed door discussion of how the military is sending unmanned probes into it for reconnaisance. Then shift to Sorin at his wife's grave. I'd have Rick come up at that point. They exchange views on the portal. One of them remarks "It's only gonna get worse."

Personally I would give Rick some remorse. Episode 2 I would spotlight the worsening conditions and introduce Will. Show how Will and Rick hook up. Show the worsening conditiions that are prompting Sorin to consider moving. I'm not totally convinced that Sorin would shoot Rick. Perhaps Rick wants to die. I'd have Sorin simply walk away but issue the threat that if he ever sees him again, he will kill him. Then I'd shift to the NASA office. "Sir, we just got information back from the probe." Ernheist reviews it and makes it clear that it's not possible.

Now go on to episode three. You need to give bits of explanation, tie your story into your overall theme while introducing your characters and end with a hook. Walking off into the sunset is not a hook, it's a closure. Don't be hasty to kill off actors. Having a good hero/villain dynamic helps drive the action.

I like your idea, the script just needs to show more of what's driving the plot. As I outlined the episodes, you have the 'government arc', 'Sorin's wanderer arc' and 'Rick & Will's Outlaw arc'. Bring in a new love interest for Sorin, science fiction and political machinations among a chaotic populace and you have some interesting fodder.

If you take your time developing it without all the camera shots at first, I think it will work much better. The spec script should always proceed the shooting script. Good luck.
 
see, everything you just said is great and its very similar to what we've written for the first few episodes. However, to even get the pilot made, we'd need at least 5k or so. And with the rest of the episodes, you're talking about at least a 30 to 40k operation.

That's why we're making the promo because we're trying to sell the idea so that we can get just enough funding to launch the pilot, which will hopefully sell the idea even more into getting full funding for the rest of the episodes.

So for us right now, its about showing a nice little slice of what's in store and fostering the image that our company is trying to evoke. We're a futurist forward-thinking production company that seeks to spread ideals espoused from what we believe to be a neo renaissance in art and science. That's why we're calling ourselves Ionia because we see ourselves as a hub for neo enlightenment thinking.

I'm very excited by where this is going and we're gaining a lot of energy so far, but it all boils down to the pilot because thats our first impression. So with that said, I just have one question. If it was filmed properly and put on a nice website where people can find out about the project and company, could you see this hooking viewers into at least wanting to read more about Ionia and what this project is all about?

Anyway, I really appreciate your input FantasyScifi and hope to be able to show you something in the near future.
 
see, everything you just said is great and its very similar to what we've written for the first few episodes. However, to even get the pilot made, we'd need at least 5k or so. And with the rest of the episodes, you're talking about at least a 30 to 40k operation.

That's why we're making the promo because we're trying to sell the idea so that we can get just enough funding to launch the pilot, which will hopefully sell the idea even more into getting full funding for the rest of the episodes.
...
I'm very excited by where this is going and we're gaining a lot of energy so far, but it all boils down to the pilot because thats our first impression. So with that said, I just have one question. If it was filmed properly and put on a nice website where people can find out about the project and company, could you see this hooking viewers into at least wanting to read more about Ionia and what this project is all about?

Anyway, I really appreciate your input FantasyScifi and hope to be able to show you something in the near future.
There are a few ways to get movie money. Indiegogo, Kickstarter and Juntobox are three common crowdfunding sources. There are also services that collect money for you from a link posted to websites. Funding is a different forum. And there are lots of established filmmakers who can better guide you. I'm not going to go into detail but want to address how your script would fit in.

First, I would write the first two or three episodes. The first should--as previously mentioned--present the premise, introduce main characters and story arcs, and end with a solid hook. I'd prepare the storyboards for the three episodes. The pilot is not the same as a trailer. A trailer should be a set of teasers not spoilers. Creating a good teaser is something of an art and usually draws upon the whole film or a series of episodes. This is distinct from the promo/sales clip.

With your script, you can identify locations and props. Develop your needed budget based on all three episodes. Start developing info about the project on facebook and linking it to other sites related to your topic. I'd place audition notices. I would work to pull together the resources (actors, crew, props) on a no/lo/conditional arrangement and shoot the first episode. Have a photographer on set to capture the "making of". Next, do your poster and promo art. Having the script(s) will help guide the artist. Now with your dedicated production staff, you develop you campaign incentives. Prepare your promo/pitch script. You, as director, pitch your Ionia concept and intercut segments from the pilot and storyboards with a few making of shots tossed in when asking for support. With those in place, you're ready to launch your campaign. I'd also set up an account to take in donations and place the link on the Facebook. Then you and everyone involved should network, blog and talk it up. I'm often amazed at what gets funded and to what degree. People's experiences vary. However, the more professional it looks at the onset, the better the chances. Browsing through funded film projects on Indiegogo, most were able to at least obtain between $3K to $6K. Some substantially more, many go unfunded. There are costs involved so think about it as a business process. Parts of that money go to the service and others to fulfilling incentives. The challenge with any film is doing your business planning as part of your pre-production. The filming (aka "fun side") is far easier then. I've gone into more detail than I should for this forum. I'd really suggest getting advice from others in the "Business & Legal" and "Pre-production" forums regarding funding. I said more than I intended but I think it's important for writers to have a sense of the workflow after they finish a script and it gets optioned.

I think if you can get some content up, it will raise interest. That doesn't have to be the pilot. It can be shots of locations, actors in costume, storyboards posted to social media sites. That's where some of the "making of" stuff is handy. A cool looking poster is also a good tool. Just be sure to write your pilot as a story rather than a trailer (series of clips). The posted script reads more like the latter than the former. I think the story ideas are interesting and would draw viewers.

Your script is a tool throughout the filmmaking process. Keep in mind there are four different 'scripts' in this process used by different people for different purposes: the acting/spec script (actors/artists), shooting script (director/editor/DP), pitch script (producer/marketing) and trailer (cuts from episodes to tease up interest). I'd advise focusing on making your pilot script solid. Some pitches start as animated storyboards based on the script. Use whatever resources you have as you develop your promo/pitch clip. While interesting story and characters hook viewers, a large part will be you as a person on the promo clip which will influence financial backers. If you're enthused and come across as professional, you're more likely to meet your goal.

I look forward to seeing your results. Good luck.
 
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