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[ Panthera Tigris ] Screenplay Idea. Thoughts and advice?

T

THWriter

[Panthera Tigris] screenplay idea. Thoughts and advice?

* Panthera Tigris is a placeholder name.

If you've read my introductory post, you'll know I've been writing for five years, but never for a visual medium. I have experience with Celtx and understand the terminology. Here is my idea for my first test screenplay, what would be a short film.

"Adrian, a passionate but solitary conservation scientist is forced to choose between saving the life of an animal he has tracked for five years, or his lifelong friend."

Characters:

Adrian May - Protagonist with a solitary personality (perhaps a disorder) who has a background in biology and has worked as a conservation scientist for five years.

Marcus Hansson - A lifelong friend of Adrian who moved to England from Sweden when he was a child. He is an animal researcher.

Vitaly - A Russian national who acts as a guide.

I've got it all outlined, but my main concern at the moment is whether or not there is enough story here.

Act 1: Adrian meets Marcus at the airport and they both make their way to a village hostel where they meet their guide, Vitaly, a Russian national. The next morning, Adrian, Marcus and Vitaly plan their trip, study recent surveys, and prepare their equipment.

Act 2: They then make their way by rented vehicle to an isolated woodland in the mountains where there were said to be numerous sightings of the near extinct Siberian tiger. One particular tiger, a fully grown male that Adrian has been tracking since he started his work in the Russian Far East, needs to be re-tagged so that they can track its progress. Managing to tranquillize their target, Adrian and Marcus collar it and perform their usual routine before they are ready to set it free. However, due to the weaker potency of the paralysis drug which they used to put the animal to sleep, it begins to wake as they are finishing their work.

Act 3: [FLASHBACK] (yet to write)
The tiger attacks Marcus, but Adrian, almost unwillingly, takes a shot that kills the animal.

Theme: Death, the natural world and the relationship between human and animals.

It feels like there should be more to it than that, specifically in the last act.

Any thoughts?
 
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Judging from what you have said I don't think it needs more to it than that. The concept sounds good, the theme of the story sounds good, and you seem to have the characters and settings well planned out. Once it is completed that is when you will know whether or not the last act you are unsure about needs more to it, it all depends on the writing and how well it sounds and feels as you write it, as well as the visual aspect that you see in your mind as you write it. But from reading your post I think you have everything planned out really well and it sounds interesting, now it is all just about writing it the way you want it to be.

- Matt Summers
 
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Notoriety Pictures said:
Judging from what you have said I don't think it needs more to it than that. The concept sounds good, the theme of the story sounds good, and you seem to have the characters and settings well planned out. Once it is completed that is when you will know whether or not the last act you are unsure about needs more to it, it all depends on the writing and how well it sounds and feels as you write it, as well as the visual aspect that you see in your mind as you write it. But from reading your post I think you have everything planned out really well and it sounds interesting, now it is all just about writing it the way you want it to be.

- Matt Summers
Click to expand...

Thanks for the input, Matt. I'm glad to hear you think it sounds alright so far. I've been outlining my short stories for years now and it really helps. I can't just write off the top of my head. I'm a planner.
 
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THWriter said:
Thanks for the input, Matt. I'm glad to hear you think it sounds alright so far. I've been outlining my short stories for years now and it really helps. I can't just write off the top of my head. I'm a planner.
Click to expand...

That is no problem I hope the input helps. Yes outlining for a long time is always best, having a plan generally always works out better than spur of the moment writing. I have learnt that from early experiences. Good luck with the rest of your script, and the other planned ideas you have. I hope at some point I will be able to see the short if you choose to go ahead with making it.
 
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THWriter said:
Here is my idea for my first test screenplay, what would be a short film.

"Adrian, a passionate but solitary conservation scientist is forced to choose between saving the life of an animal he has tracked for five years, or his lifelong friend."

It's a good logline that held my attention.

Characters:

Adrian May - Protagonist with a solitary personality (perhaps a disorder) who has a background in biology and has worked as a conservation scientist for five years.

Marcus Hansson - A lifelong friend of Adrian who moved to England from Sweden when he was a child. He is an animal researcher.

Vitaly - A Russian national who acts as a guide.

I've got it all outlined, but my main concern at the moment is whether or not there is enough story here.

The film comes from the script which develops from the story. The film (and script) will need to be as long as it is to match the story. Sometimes a 5 minute short can have as much (or more) weight as a 120 minute feature. Let the story drive the writing. After it's written you can worry about length in the revision.

Act 1: Adrian meets Marcus at the airport and they both make their way to a village hostel where they meet their guide, Vitaly, a Russian national. The next morning, Adrian, Marcus and Vitaly plan their trip, study recent surveys, and prepare their equipment.

Act 1A - Set Up (introduce the characters and situation)
-- Remember to set up the relationship with the tiger in the beginning! It has to be more than just having Adrian stalking it. We need to see the sincere respect, adoration, personal identification he has. Then develop the history/friendship with Marcus and Vitaly.

Act 1B - Introduce a New Situation and a Complication
-- It would help to have some conflict regarding the study. Something that can be fixed without too much effort.

Act 2: They then make their way by rented vehicle to an isolated woodland in the mountains where there were said to be numerous sightings of the near extinct Siberian tiger. One particular tiger, a fully grown male that Adrian has been tracking since he started his work in the Russian Far East, needs to be re-tagged so that they can track its progress. Managing to tranquillize their target, Adrian and Marcus collar it and perform their usual routine before they are ready to set it free. However, due to the weaker potency of the paralysis drug which they used to put the animal to sleep, it begins to wake as they are finishing their work.

Act 2A - Formulate a Plan of Action to Succeed (character throws self in headlong)
-- This should probably tie in different elements of their relationships. I might have a different tiger stalk about that brings out Adrian intervening. Or perhaps Adrian is more trusting and attacked with Vitaly shooting it. Marcus turns on him and says that Vitaly should have used a tranquilizer. You can play with it, but you need to heighten the tension a bit in prep for Act 3.

Act 2B - More Complications and Higher Stakes (usually a major setback)
Somehow, I'd find a way to separate Vitaly from the friends. Maybe he becomes injured and must leave them. Or they find someone injured. We need that. Somehow you need the set up for a complication that makes it Marcus and Adrian against Nature.

Act 3: [FLASHBACK] (yet to write)
The tiger attacks Marcus, but Adrian, almost unwillingly, takes a shot that kills the animal.

Act 3A - Final Push to Succeed with it looking unlikely (suspenseful moment, climax)
-- In a complicated situation, the two friends need to confront unexpressed feelings/memories. I'm not a big fan of flashbacks; they can be misused. It can interrupt the connection the audience/viewer has with the active scene. This can be a particular problem in Act 3 when events are at a peak and rushing to a conclusion. I'd be cautious so you don't lose the audience.

Act 3B - Resolution and the Ever After
-- Be sure to wrap up the relationships--Marcus, Adrian, Vitaly and the tiger. I can almost see Adrian cradling the dying tiger and crying. There needs to be the reconciliation with Marcus and Adrian. Vitaly may have served his role in Act 2 and need not reappear. Still, his appearance and the dynamics of his relationship should stand out as a contrast.

Theme: Death, the natural world and the relationship between human and animals.

It feels like there should be more to it than that, specifically in the last act.

Any thoughts?
Click to expand...

I really believe your idea has possibility. Your story isn't an action adventure but a relationship piece. So those relationship elements need to be developed and brought to a satisfying conclusion. Remember that there must be some evolution in the characters from the beginning to the end. The emotions need to be resolved. The story isn't simply over when the tiger is killed. That's the critical event, not resolution. It needs to bring clarity for Adrian and Marcus. The themes play out clearly in the resolution.

Obviously you have your story in mind. These are just elements that I suggest you may want to develop as you write. This should help address your last point, "It feels like there should be more to it than that." You already have a sense of where you want this to go, just remember that there are two stories--the objective (what happens) and the subjective (what we feel). Be sure to resolve the subjective and the story will feel complete. Good luck as you write.
 
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Really good concept.

Fantasy SciFi has given you some really good thoughts to consider, so I don't have much to add.

All I will add is this: Have as much conflict in as many scenes as possible. Is it suitable to have a Red Herring? If Adrian saves the Cat in the end at the cost of his best friend's death, then it would appear that he is actually the Antagonist...maybe a twist at the end.

If Adrian saves the Cat's life then he and Marcus should be butting heads throughout the entire script, and Adrian should be showing extreme affection and love for the Cat. When it comes time for Adrian to make a decision about who to save, the audience will second guess their idea of the "human nature" of Adrian; Could Adrian really let his best friend die? Will he?
 
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I agree with the original observation that something is missing. Tge story seems shallow and can use more depth.

Try to tie in every character with every story element so that everything is layered into the story itself.

Have you decided to write a feature or a short?

What lead this man to want to seek out the Siberian Tiger in his life?

Reflect upon that in a dream he has or something.

Why is the man a scientist? Reflect upon that in a dream or flashback. This is fiction and not news reporting.
 
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It's a solid concept with compelling themes, reminiscent of THE HUNTER with Willem Dafoe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgfB9kebFNI

If it worked for them there's no reason it wouldn't work for you, even on a smaller scale.
 
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Modern Day Myth Prod. LLC said:
I agree with the original observation that something is missing. Tge story seems shallow and can use more depth.

Try to tie in every character with every story element so that everything is layered into the story itself.

Have you decided to write a feature or a short?

What lead this man to want to seek out the Siberian Tiger in his life?

Reflect upon that in a dream he has or something.

Why is the man a scientist? Reflect upon that in a dream or flashback. This is fiction and not news reporting.
Click to expand...

I've changed the story quite a bit and I'll give you an update as soon as I can. But I must say that it's pretty self explanatory why Adrian is a scientist and why he has went looking for big cats. He's a conservationist with a background in biology. He cares for the declining population of rare and elusive Amur Tigers in the wild, especially the Russian Far East. I could've chosen any sort of endangered animal, but the tiger was the most fitting and appealing. I shouldn't really need to explain the motives of a good conservationist, someone who strives to conserve wildlife and the habitats in which they life. Most conservationists are scientists in the field of conservation biology and ecology.
 
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