Our short film "Breaking Val"

[pennyflix]

Hey guys (and girls), Great forum! I thought I'd throw our newest short film out there for a little critique. My partner and I shot this in about 28-1/2 total hours (3 days) of production, and about a month of editing. It was shot with the original DVX100 (no lens adapter, etc.). It is only our second film together, and I'm just looking for some honest comments from those "in the know".

It's about 15 minutes long, and should not be viewed around children (contains blood & violence).

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2079994994

Thanks for taking the time!

Mike

 

[Joe999]

I did not see your video at the link you gave, but at that link I did a search for your video title and found this:
http://vidsearch.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=24323388
Is that your video?

Hey guys (and girls), Great forum! I thought I'd throw our newest short film out there for a little critique. My partner and I shot this in about 28-1/2 total hours (3 days) of production, and about a month of editing. It was shot with the original DVX100 (no lens adapter, etc.). It is only our second film together, and I'm just looking for some honest comments from those "in the know".
It's about 15 minutes long, and should not be viewed around children (contains blood & violence).
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...oid=2079994994
Thanks for taking the time!
Mike

 

[pennyflix]

Hey Joe,

Thanks for correction. You did find the right video, and I made an update in my first post.

Thanks again,
Mike

 

[Joe999]

No problemo. I downloaded your short to view offline, but watched about five minutes of it online, and will look at it in its entirety later tonight or tomorrow and give some pros and cons, for whatever it is worth. I am a filmmaker wannabee, but quite a movie watcher (one a night), so take anything I say as just opinion. I liked the five minutes I saw thus far-- some comments to come on a few pros and cons though. Very smart use of a single location and two actors (at least in what I saw)-- a nice simple production in that sense. Nice blood recipe.

Hey Joe,
Thanks for correction. You did find the right video, and I made an update in my first post. Thanks again,
Mike

 

[Joe999]

I'll write a review as I watch Breaking Val in another window on my PC desktop. I immediately like the titling and grey-green/cyan colors of the titling, and moody titling music. Nice ghostly titling effects--although that leads me to expect a ghost story a bit, then all of a sudden I see the bondage kidnap situation so I am not sure what to expect now... Nice use of cutaways and closeups. Costuming fits the color space. Flashbacks are tricky so they say, but I think that helps break up the lengthy soliloquy of the main character (the bound female). I like the extreme close-ups of her eyes, mouth. Hoping more confrontations are coming from her and her captor--drama is conflict they say. If anything I think more could be done with less- i.e. some reduction in dialog and showing more emotion visually on her face, but you do do that, just less talk and more anguish in the eyes in place of dialog could go farther--just my opinion. About 60% into the film now-- dialog much better, more necessary. Good use of increasing stakes/drama (the new body). Flashbacks are in full color which sort of jolts me when I am used to the grey/cyan, maybe re-edit the flashbacks to make them b&w and add dust and scratch--just a thought. At climax scene now. Ouch, groin jab is hitting below the belt! Good inclusion of Aristotle's 'surprise resolution'. Mirror neurons kicking in! Pretty solid R rating for sure. I would say a pretty well done violent horror short. End credits rolling kind of slow, actually quite slow (an easy fix if reedited). Well, there you have it, my review, and just take it as one review from one wannabe filmmaker, take in all what others have to say, but in the final analysis it is your film.

From, Karate Kid...

DANIEL
But how do I know if my picture's the right one?

MIYAGI
If comes from inside you, always right one.
​

 

[pennyflix]

Thank you Joe for taking the time to write such a detailed review, it's greatly appreciated. "Movie Watcher's" reviews are oftentimes more helpful than "Filmmakers" (although both are great), as you tend to get a more visual review, rather than technical.

We actually tried the flashback in both B&W and sepia type, but visually we wanted them to be a little "Bolder". We really tried to get them to stand apart from the normal flow of the rest of the film, to kind of take the viewer out for a minute and into the lives of the characters. I guess kind of a temporary realism thing.

You are absolutely right on the end credits, they are slow, and this is actually something we are addressing for the final dvd output. There are a couple of small changes still to be made to the film, but overall we're happy with outcome, and certainly honored to get responses from our peers and viewers!

Thanks again Joe!

 

[Joe999]

After I wrote that review I thought that b&w was wrong so you have good instincts. Perhaps dropping the color saturation, or altering the color hues and saturation, on the flashbacks, I don't know. It was just a bit abrupt to go from the gothic gray/cyan to total color; I don't know the answer, just my reaction to the color change. Overall I was impressed though-- I enjoyed watching your horror short more than several feature films I have seen which did not have 5 minutes worth of content as good as what I watched with your short. That is my two nickels worth-- use em or put em on a railroad track

Thank you Joe for taking the time to write such a detailed review, it's greatly appreciated. "Movie Watcher's" reviews are oftentimes more helpful than "Filmmakers" (although both are great), as you tend to get a more visual review, rather than technical.

We actually tried the flashback in both B&W and sepia type, but visually we wanted them to be a little "Bolder". We really tried to get them to stand apart from the normal flow of the rest of the film, to kind of take the viewer out for a minute and into the lives of the characters. I guess kind of a temporary realism thing.

You are absolutely right on the end credits, they are slow, and this is actually something we are addressing for the final dvd output. There are a couple of small changes still to be made to the film, but overall we're happy with outcome, and certainly honored to get responses from our peers and viewers!

Thanks again Joe!

 

[jammer]

RE:breaking val

I have one film to my credit. I like one poster watch many films. Overall a very good job.If you wanted to you could expand this out a lot to a 30 min. or more. You did verg good with what you had. Lighting was a tad off in a few places (very few) and the fad to black i thought was a bit too much(when she was by herself and he was getting the body) The end was a suprise but i wanted her to be MORE active..mostly was sounds of her. Ii agree i have watched "pro" films that didnt do near as good. So i think you have the right idea. Make more build on what you have learned and let us see you progress.

 

[Filmboy]

I'm with the Pennyflix group, and will say that I appreciate the watching and reviewing. This is how we all learn, which is exactly what we'll take from this...Thanks!