archived-videos Oratory - Narrative

Pt.1

1:45 They voice over is harsh. It dominates instead of being a part of the scene.

5:50 Where he asks his mom to tell him "how it happened" might have been better if they were face to face. ALso, her way of recounting the story is very "police report" not heart felt dialogue.

9:00 Okay I'm almost done with the first half of your film and I still don't know what it's about. True I read what its about under the video, but based on what I've watched all I now is: This guy likes to ride around and sleep. His mother doesn't seem very compassonate about his father's death, and he seems to be asking her about it all the time"for the 150th time". For a film that is 20 minutes this thing is dragging buddy.

At the end of part one. Why does his friend suddenly become the hero?? We aren't given any indications of his heroic tendecies.
 
Pt.2

0:10 Why are they going around to the back of the building? Accountants aren't like stocking clerks. They go in the front, I think.

2:40 Continuity issue. The lead's shirt is different. from the scene with his friend and the scene with his mother. If they are 2 different times we can't tell. Also, I don't pay close attention to continuity, and I noticed it. :)

3:05 Why are we talking to the mom's back.

4:40 He's been riding everywhere else why is he walking now. Also, we can see the lead smile when he's slapped.

The one piece of advice I would give for this whole thing is the dialogue needed to be practiced a lot more. Too many times the dialogue and monologue sound as if it were being read from a script. Also, if you're going to have a lot of "beat down" scenes they should be practised a lot more.

I'm not really a tech guy, but you need some lighting. And better sound would go a long way.

Don't get down. I thought this was an earnest effort. Keep shooting and you'll get better.
 
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