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watch NEW! Short Film!! FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!

S

shushmike

Hello everyone again..so I have just finished up my second short film called "When The Voices Kick In" its basically about a guy named Jamison who suffers from anxiety and depression..battling with his own demons..he has taken an apprenticeship with a pastor in hopes helping others can tame the demons that surround him..the full description is under the film but please leave comments feedback criticism everything!!

thank you all !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P47diRm2Jo&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4P47diRm2Jo&feature=youtu.be
 
Wow. Getting a bit aggressive there. #$%* you back! :lol:

Much better than your last. MUCH better. Although there is still room for improvement.

FCPX filters are the beginning are recognizable.
The audio isn't very good.
The ending was an opportunity for a jump scare... you didn't take it.
The blood is too bright.
Credits are beginning not needed.
The echo is annoying.
The grading could use some work.

Although I do like your editing style, acting, most of the shots, some of the grades, and the ending.

Keep up the good work! :cool:
 
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appreciate the honest feedback! the blood was definitely bright..i couldnt get the mix just right but im gonna work on it..also i thought about the jumpscare..i actually had a shot for it..after reading what u wrote i see i shouldve used it lol but thanks again ..hopefully my next project is even better
 
Hey!

Just a couple of things.

It definitely kept my attention! You have a style there. The opening got me. Even dead, he seems like an interesting guy and I liked his wry sense of humor. It made me want to find out what happened to him.

I didn't read your description before I watched it, and so I didn't get anything about him working for a pastor or anything like that. I thought he was some type of seminary student, but now in some type of corporate job. Also,I was confused between the blood and the pills? And the voice sounded a bit cliched, not only in what it was saying, but also the sound of it, kind of what Chimpphobia was saying.

I agree with ChimpPhobia about the credits. All you need is the the main title of the film.

I'm not a huge fan of the length of some of the blackouts.

My personal opinion is that you should have the camera locked down more of the time.

The end with the titles, "Au revoir" etc. This device is a bit jarring because you haven't used it throughout the film at all. It kind of comes out of nowhere.

An art direction thing that some may or may not agree with: Lower that painting behind him! Get it in the frame! It works great for what your doing, but we can't really see it!
 
I'm assuming you're doing the filming and acting all by yourself? Even with just 2 people, I know this holds you back. I used to film with just me and 1 friend, and the last shot we did with just us involved me running the camera, directing and holding the boom (mic). This limited me by not allowing me to do any moving camera shots as I needed both hands to hold the boom. Doing everything yourself is even harder because trying to estimate framing and everything is very difficult.

I didn't watch with audio as I am at work still, but I will leave you with what I think will be your biggest piece of advice regarding uploading to YouTube. Don't make me wait until the 0:35 mark to see the video actually start. 95% or more of people will shut the video off even before it starts. Credits and dark intros make sense with big budget productions and longer features. The YouTube audience has a very short attention span. If they expect to see video, they expect to see it immediately.
 
i appreciate you guys feedback..i will remember to tone down the long intros lol..you are right is just me filming so framing is a definite challenge..the audio i have to aplogize for..still working on that some as well but i do hope my next project will show more improvement..still..i hope you all enjoyed the film :)
 
also ahennesssy..the blood and pills is about this..a few years ago i myself was on the anxiety drugs and they were depressing the shit out of me..one day i took more than my dosage with a couple shots of vodka and 20 minutes later i coughed up blood..rushed to the hospital blah blah im alive lol..i thought maybe it was synonymous so i decided to put it in
 
Yikes. Sorry to hear about that. That sounds scary.

That makes sense though. I kind of thought that, but it wasn't clear. I guess the blood maybe doesn't seem to be originating from the mouth clearly enough?

Just so you know, as I said, there are many things I like about the film.
 
I really liked it. I think the jump scare was well avoided, but who am I to argue with the chimp :)

I agree about the start credits. I had clicked through from here and so was planning to watch all the way through, but others may well hit stop well before.

I didn't get the 'job with a pastor' from the movie, if you intended to give that impression.

Start was a bit American Beauty, wasn't it? Not that that's a bad film from which to take inspiration.

I like the way the 'blood' was still pouring out at the end. I liked the whispers, and I especially liked the way when they were most powerful they actually showed up on screen. I think those words flashing up were very well done.

However, as a conossieur of losers, I'd like to know what kind of loser claims to have been single for three years and with no hope of a date despite having a girlfriend (the stupid bitch) who bought him a rather lovely bunch of fresh flowers (unless they're plastic, and she got them a long time ago) and also tells him she loves him. Maybe one for a script editor to catch :)

Well done :)
 
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good point maz lol..i originally wrote i got the flowers from my mother but then i remembered my mom would see this and i didn't want her yelling at me for calling her a stupid bitch lmao..but i appreciate the feedback though!! i hope to post more projects soon that you all can enjoy! and please link me to any new work you have out
 
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