NEW FILMAKER-PRACTICE FILM PLEASE COMMENT!!

S

shushmike

Hello I am a new film student just practicing on certain areas i would like to improve on like most :) i have shot a very short film called "MUNDANE" which is pretty much just practice for me continuity editing..please leave some comments or tips on how to make my cuts flow smoother!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<iframe width="853" height="480" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/jRi_8fwVJ64" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRi_8fwVJ64
 
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Take this with a grain of salt as I am neither 1) A professional 2) A fan of random shorts that don't have a real story.

I assume the timeline follows what you state as taking the children to school, and I'll comment as such:

- I suggest shortening the intro, it looks like you have 2 with your production name, and 10 seconds is a really long time for an intro, especially on a 1:36 short.
- 0:18-0:20, he goes from asleep to immediately eyes open. Awakening is usually more of a transition unless one is harshly awoken IMO.
- 0:23-0:24, Framing could be higher up
- 0:42, was this deliberately out of focus?
- 0:49, framing is too low, IMO.
- 0:57, hard jump from inside to immediately outside, no transistion
- 1:06, no transition from outside to inside the car, just a jump
- Car driving part, I suggest including shots of the kids in the back seat to let us know they're still there

I know this was just a practice film, but it did look handheld for a lot of it. There were some good shots, but others looked like "camcorder" footage if you know what I mean. If you were shooting with DSLR (I'm thinking it wasn't), I'd suggest playing with a shallower depth of field if you have the capability, some shots would have benefited.

All in all, I see this film as what it is, practice. There are a few meaningful cuts, but unfortunately if you didn't explain in the description that the point was the person taking the children to school, I wouldn't have gotten that. I feel any short, even if just done for cinematic practice, should have SOME story, and it should speak for itself. That's just my 2 cents, but I'm more of a "Hollywood" style movie watcher, so I just don't get the cinematic for the sake of cinematic type films :)

Keep at it!
 
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i appreciate it man..its been problem for awhile now..i can see the picture in the back of my mind but when i try to create the smoothness I'm looking for i miss it technically wise..im gonna make sure though my next attempt does have more of a story line to it..and oh yeah..it was mostly a handheld film..i didn't pull out my tripod..i kinda used a paranormal activity style of shooting with this..i appreciate all the feedback..i hope my next film i post shows improvement!
 
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