Need someone to quickly skim/ look over a few pages of my part of script

[zepplin]

NEW UP DATE!!Need someone to quickly skim/ look over a few pages of my part of script

NEW UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hey guys me again. I haven't updated in a bit cause I couldn't figure out where to go from here but I'm good now. You guys seem to be enjoying my script and are unimaginable friendly and supportive so I hope you guys enjoy what more I got done.

The story changed a bit I revised a bit of the middle just so you know. Now I tihnk I am officially half way done, maybe more. Good reading, cheers.

SCRIPT- http://pc.celtx.com/project/xsObonHlRqgE
ENJOY AND PLZ LEAVE FEEDBACK BOTH HERE AND/OR on CELTX


OH YEA WAIT. Apparently "Sam Fischer" is the name of some dude in a video game(I swear I didn't know). So if you guys could think of another last name that would fit that would be nice. I want to keep Sam though just need another last name so if anyone has any ideas plz let me know.
THX

http://pc.celtx.com/project/xsObonHlRqgE/view/http://celtx.com/res/1kEqvojZWTHA

 

[SoulCinema]

Careful about the spelling, and especially NOT shifting into PAST TENSE.

The whole family is already seated in the small kitchen. Everyone is eating besides Mom who is cooking. Sam's father GEORGE finishes the remainder of his bacon while JACK, the oldest, and BEN talked. Walking in Sam sits down at the table and looks at his plate.

As mentioned already, CAP for SOUNDS imo (though many debate that as necessary format)

In the USA the format is usually to only CAP a character's name THE FIRST TIME WE SEE HIM.

If you're shooting it yourself, format is whatever works for you and your crew.

If you're formatting to BE READ though, you might consider allowing a lot more "white space" ... basically each image or action can be its own paragraph (the rule I hear bandied about is, a maximum of FOUR LINES per paragraph)

The whole family is already seated in the small kitchen. Everyone is eating besides Mom who is cooking.

Sam's father GEORGE finishes the remainder of his bacon while JACK, the oldest, and BEN talked.

Walking in Sam sits down at the table and looks at his plate.

Someone gave you good advice about avoiding PASSIVE VERBS.

The whole family is already seated in the small kitchen. Everyone is eating -- except Mom who is cooking.

Sam's father GEORGE finishes the remainder of his bacon -- while JACK, the oldest, and BEN talk.

Sam walks in -- sits down at the table -- and looks at his plate.

I realize most of the above are mere polishing you'd do anyway, later. Just my two cents!

 

[knightly]

I'm going to re-iterate what I've stated in a previous post here, get to the 2 words "THE END" then worry about everything else. rewrites are where scripts are messaged into actual readable entities with proper grammar and good spelling, subject verb agreement, tense continutiy, active verbs, etc...

Story first, legibility second!