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Nano Nanny (a short script)

Adeimantus

Adeimantus

Sorry guys. Don't mean to clog up the forum with my short scripts.

Smack me on the knuckles if I'm posting too much, ok?
I would appreciate any feedback, including "this sucks big gnarly ones."

Title: Nano Nanny
Genre: Sci-fi/comedy
Pages: 7

Nothing profound, just a bit of fun (at the expense of Bennie, of course).

http://www.politikonzoon.com/NanoNanny.pdf
 
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Ha! Thanks for that, it was pretty good, made me laugh. Definitely has potential. I love that you poke fun at the silly games companies play. "platinum service..." "gold service" All that mumbo jumbo.
 
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I like the technological let down aspect (and the “Think ‘Yes’ now..” is great) that you're kicking around with, but I don’t care for the character/world/circumstances stage you are doing it on/in/through.
I’d like to see you explore a more interactive integration of that “Let down” as played out across something longer that can unfold. Like give us the cold smug logic of HAL 9000 at a dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinner.

-Thanks-
 
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LOL.

I like it a lot! Especially as a little sketch or concept piece. It just gives a taste of what could be a very interesting world/scenario.

And you definitely pulled me into this guy's story. The idea of having your head incrementally smashed for at least 12 years is disturbing and makes me cringe. A lot. So... success (I think).

I feel like it could work with a 'happy' ending as well. Maybe one of the kids activates his MRA and saves the day?

One small thing, unrelated the the story. It would sound more real to me if MRA stood for Motor Reflex Accelerator. Rather that 'Muscle.' But that's just me being an MT.
 
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L.I.F.E.: Thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Buddy: As always, a great idea from you. To be honest, I had the nanobot concept and slapped a quick and dirty storyline around it, so I'm in total agreement that the "world" needs to be rethought. Thanks for stopping by!

Dready: Glad you liked! :D Good idea on replacing "muscle" with "motor." It's done!

best to all,

-Charles
 
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Just a pet peeve, but CUT TO: really bugs me. Most of the time it's redundant because the new slugline indicates a cut.

That said, it gave me a chuckle. :)

Too bad that after the fade out (and a few credits) there wasn't a quick shot in real time of the ball smashing his skull. Punchline. :lol:

Side note, it doesn't have to be a motor. There are synthetic fibers now that contract when an electrical current is applied to them. I suspect these will become the basis for prostheses at some point.
 
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VPTurner said:
Side note, it doesn't have to be a motor. There are synthetic fibers now that contract when an electrical current is applied to them. I suspect these will become the basis for prostheses at some point.
Click to expand...

Oh, for sure. I was just referring to the fact that the medical terminology is 'motor reflex' not 'muscle reflex.' Nit-picky, I know, but I couldn't help it :P
 
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