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watch My somewhat disturbing short film; Dark Rose
- Thread starter NINTH
- Start date
Quote my post to see how I embedded. It's a right of passage around here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjJZWz_0Gk0
Good job building a creepy/disturbing atmosphere. I'd say you pulled off exactly what you were going for.
Ok I'm a harsh critic like I tell everyone the only thing I kept thing when watching this was human caterpillar 2, I liked how you put it together but nothing really stood out, nothing to make me think this is getting interesting, for that it's a 6/10 there wasn't much going on so I don't feel the need to comment on anything else.
Don't hate me
I'm guessing he wanted to give her brain surgery hoping he could rewire her to get her to like him? If so then I kind of like the idea, but as a short film, I think it was kind of anti-climatic. I know it's a cliffhanger ending, and I respect that, but there was not much of a climax, before the ending, if that helps in any way.
Ok I'm a harsh critic like I tell everyone the only thing I kept thing when watching this was human caterpillar 2, I liked how you put it together but nothing really stood out, nothing to make me think this is getting interesting, for that it's a 6/10 there wasn't much going on so I don't feel the need to comment on anything else.
Don't hate me
I can't hate you for voicing your opinion, I can only thank you for that! So, thanks! : )
However, comparing this film to 'The Human Centipede 2' seems a bit far fetched to me.
Apart from the overweight dimwit, there isn't much of a comparison.
Nevertheless, I'm glad you took the time to watch this film and that you took the time to comment!
Spot on!
It's a shame the film didn't keep you hooked though, but I see your points!
This film was an experiment for me, to work out suspense. It's good to get feedback on the points that came across and the points that I missed.
So thanks! Next time around I'll keep your feedback in mind!
Thanks.
yeah for me it was the guy, and his actions, not to say in any shape or form thats what you meant to do, and of course films are similar in lots of ways, but as the other guy said anti climax, however i must say that i do see your potential and i could see what you were trying to do, i think its just about nailing the sweet spot where we go OHHHHH or AHHHH, there wasnt much of that, it was just an OH, like maybe she could have managed to get off or something and he had to struggle, coz it seemed really gritty what he was about to do, and perhaps if dragged her about or something grotesque i would have been more excited, he could have even started licking her head..
I love that bit. And true, it could have been more disturbing like that! (Personally that would've been fantastic). Nevertheless, I guess it's to do with time and taste. Time, because originally this was meant to be a 01:30.000 short film. Therefore I didn't go overboard with raw disturbingness (figuring it probably wouldn't make the cut)(..I know, that's not an excuse, "kill your darlings" and all that)
And taste.. Some people like it and some don't.
But I can definitely see your (good) points and I'm glad you could elaborate on your previous comment. : )
Great atmosphere, but I found the whole idea of him trying to make her love him to be contradicted by his overly violent approach to her. Little things like the speed at which he hit her with the axe and laughing when he turned back to the screen seemed to clash with his goal in a way that worked against the atmosphere rather than helping it. I think it would have worked better, for instance, if he went to affectionately wipe the running make up away, followed by her trying to hit him away - then he could have been angered by that, followed by the shot of him bringing the axe down on her. That's just one approach to it though, obviously.
tl;dr: atmosphere is nice, but really could use some work on the relationship between the killer's actions and goals
tl;dr: atmosphere is nice, but really could use some work on the relationship between the killer's actions and goals
I see what you mean. Personally I was going for the ultra violent approach to emphasize the retardedness of the lonely-psycho-freak. He's an idiot trying to do something that isn't 'rocket science'. : )
But true enough, perhaps a bit too violent.
(I'm definitely learning new approches from this forum alone),
Thanks!
I stand fairly certain that the DIY Brain Surgery page said NOTHING about hitting her in the chest with a hatchet...he very likely has a malpractice suit on his hands...
Seriously, though: this was a nice little "snapshot" short. The aesthetic was strong, and the ambiance was disturbing, and I think those were your two most major focuses. In that sense: bravo.
I do agree, however, that the psycho seemed a bit...overly psycho, and ThatGuyFromThatPlace absolutely hit the nail on the head as to why.
After watching it a few times, I think that it's specifically because of the moments at 1:10 and 2:07. These are the only two moments where he breaks away from his calm, almost sad persona that is established throughout the rest of the short, and it feels rather unprovoked. I think that in keeping with both the character and feel of the short, it might have been more disturbing if instead of looking at her crazily, he instead had a more subtle adoration in the glances he gave her. He could have possibly even made some gentle contact with her before slamming the hatchet down, like a hand on her cheek, or brushing a bang away from her face.
Just my opinion.
Seriously, though: this was a nice little "snapshot" short. The aesthetic was strong, and the ambiance was disturbing, and I think those were your two most major focuses. In that sense: bravo.
I do agree, however, that the psycho seemed a bit...overly psycho, and ThatGuyFromThatPlace absolutely hit the nail on the head as to why.
After watching it a few times, I think that it's specifically because of the moments at 1:10 and 2:07. These are the only two moments where he breaks away from his calm, almost sad persona that is established throughout the rest of the short, and it feels rather unprovoked. I think that in keeping with both the character and feel of the short, it might have been more disturbing if instead of looking at her crazily, he instead had a more subtle adoration in the glances he gave her. He could have possibly even made some gentle contact with her before slamming the hatchet down, like a hand on her cheek, or brushing a bang away from her face.
Just my opinion.
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Joined to post my reply. Excellent work - professional quality cinematography. Certainly creepy. I have to admit it does have the 'feel' of 'The Human Centipede 2' - the moody and miserable lighting and tone. This is not a bad thing, I am a big fan of that film (not for its content but for the production values).
Looking forward to seeing anything else you plan on making - you certainly have the skills/resources available to you to make something marketable.
Joined to post my reply. Excellent work - professional quality cinematography. Certainly creepy. I have to admit it does have the 'feel' of 'The Human Centipede 2' - the moody and miserable lighting and tone. This is not a bad thing, I am a big fan of that film (not for its content but for the production values).
Looking forward to seeing anything else you plan on making - you certainly have the skills/resources available to you to make something marketable.