archived-videos My first short film - "Sixty Four"

T

TGW

Hey everybody :)

that is the first 'serious' short film I ever made. I don't really know in which kind of film genre I can classify it but maybe you know more about all the genres than I do and can say what it is.

I produced the film while participating in a summer-workshop-program for film where every body worked with different students to create their own film. It was a great chance and an awesome experience.

As I said it's my first short film and I still have a looooot to learn, that's why I would ask you for some comments about the film. What did you like, what did you not like, where do you see unused potential, what do I have to mind in future productions etc?

I worked really hard at the story but I think I went a little bit over the top with the things I wanted to express ( I think that's my biggest mistake while making this short film). I hope you still understand it and build a fair opinion about it. :)

http://youtu.be/o4zPNZ-mRF0

Thanks so much :)

Kind regards,
Tiemo
 
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let me begin by saying great first work!

some really cool technical elements, i particularly loved the timelapse of the game being played at about 3.45. the color grading and set design both worked as elements to describe her location, the chess theme, as well as in tandem with the shot selection. the slightly dutch angle from the upper corner of the room was a nice wide shot. really filled with nice shots on the whole. i enjoyed the authoritarian tone to the radio's voice, i thought that there might have been an implication of some sort of high security surveillance/testing going on, especially when you think of said tone in combination with your high corner wide shot-like a surveillance camera.

what was your music source? DIY? pay? royalty free stuff? maybe a bit dramatic...sometimes silence is power, also lets music cues hit stronger. that said, it fit.

i felt like the introduction was redundant thanks to your well designed set, plus the shot of her in the straightjacket would have probably hit harder later on. rather for the introduction maybe we could've been given some sort of inkling as to what inspired her mental downfall or her obsession with the game of chess maybe, i felt like maybe a connection between the chess pieces (maybe the queen, maybe some sort of dichotomy between the king and queen characters and how they're used in the game) and her own personality could have been set up. finally, i got the impression that this has happened to this character before based on your final shot. with this, i was sort of hoping that she would have found a way to win the game outside of destroying her opponent, that would maybe give me more hope for her mental health. though i don't need a happy ending, so it's good to see you just put her in this loop, and this is just her story from here to eternity. i like that, too.

a nitpicky note: your credits were both a bit jerky, like maybe your computer couldn't render them or something. also, too long. get yourself a 20 or 30 second scroll for such a small production, i don't need 1:15 of that for an 8 minute short.

overall, there was a lot to think about with it, i love that. it's simple and contained, i like that. it's clean with more impressive moments than mistakes, gotta credit you there. excellent work!
 
thanks for your reply :)

I wrote the music by myself in Logic Pro X. So that's why I made it maybe a little bit too dramatic because I actually wrote the music before start filming :D The reason why there is music the whole time is, because its on the record. The idea was that every sound that is in that room is actually there, so the woman hears that music too. ;)

I put the montage in the beginning because my teachers in the program said "nobody cares for a person they don't know" :D so they gave me the idea to introduce her a little before. I am happy though that you don't think that extra introduction was needed :)

The core-elements of the plot are that she really is in that loop. She starts the record by her own and gives it power in this way. In the end the radio may be even the woman herself, but i wanted to give everybody the chance to decide it by their own. I'd say the story is about self destruction though ;)

I totally agree with you that the credits are too long :D I noticed it the most after i watched it the second time when it was rendered. The "problem" was for me that I wanted to fit the music (I was kinda proud of it) with the ending. :D
The credits are indeed jerky o.O In the rendered file on my desktop are they still really smooth though. I assume something went wrong with the upload on youtube :( But it took 22h (bad internet connection) to upload it so I just live with that :D

Thanks you again for your comment :)
 
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I looked the video up again and when played on highest quality there don't seem to be problems with the titles etc :)
 
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