Hi Im an ameteur screenwriter and am working on my first screenplay right now with the hope of filming it this summer! Thought Id share this with everyone..Its my new story entailing an all you can eat ice cream buffet, tounge rings, and public urination. The direct link is http://xyz251.blogspot.com/2012/04/m...ice-cream.html
Direct link comes with pictures
The link to the rest of my blogs are http://xyz251.blogspot.com/ I usually write a new story once a week
So it’s a casual Wednesday and Vern and I start the day off by going to the STD clinic and getting checked out for the first time ever. On a serious note it’s something everyone should do and I’m glad we did. The rest of the day we spent going to gym/sitting around and listening to the news on how some citizens in Alabama or someplace are being denied their constitutional rights.
Now its night time and my boy Vern and I make our way down to our local watering whole. We make the 15 minute walk cuz we dont want to end up like Amand Bynes driving around ****faced at 4am. And what do you know its $2 drink night. We instantly order 4 sprites and vodkas. Chug them. Then order 4 more. About 2 hours later the club is closing and were about 9 drinks deep. Each. So now its adventure time. The club is closing and all the cute girls are making their way to the exit. So before adventure time it’s time to implement the 2 minute drill. This is where its 12:58 and you have exactly 2 minutes to try and pick up any cute chic in the club. 30% of the time it works, 60% of the time it doesn’t and 10% of the time you get arrested. Lucky me I would experience all 3 before the night was over.
The 2 minute drill is a complete failure and I feel like the early 90's Buffalo Bills. But in no way would I let this affect my attitude towards adventure time. So now Vern and I are on an adventure. I know this because we are walking the exact opposite way of where our apartment is. After about 5 minutes of walking we go by my old apartment. The only reasonable thing to do was break in. I still had a key so no felony for me tonight. We walk around and it’s completely empty except for one crucial appliance. The mother ****ing microwave. For some reason in the move out I had forgot to take the microwave with me. So I pick up the microwave and bring it with me on adventure time.
The upstairs neighbors must have heard us rummaging around like 2 drunken idiots so they pop their heads outside the window. We say hello and they respond with a 2 minute lecture on how were not supposed to be in our old apartment. I assure them not to worry I’m just picking up my microwave but for whatever reason they call the police…the police station is less than a 1minute drive away. So Vern and I run out of the house carrying the microwave. With the police hot on our tail I drop the microwave on the beach. It’s one of those gigantic 1940’smicrowave that’s nearly the size of a Honda Prius. Carrying it would be a clear handicap in my escape from the police. SO I ditch it and we continue adventure time.
After about 5 minutes of walking we walk by a mini golf course/ice cream shop. There are 2 cute female employees by whole number one and they are locking up the course for the night. I start talking to them and they let us in the locked gate. They bring us back inside the ice cream shop where they have a few bottles of booze. We start to drink and after about 5 minutes I’m making out with this girl by the 28 flavors of ice cream. I interrupt the make out sesh and ask her if I could have some ice cream. She responds with make yourself as much as you want here are the toppings. She opens up a cabinet of about 40 toppings and at this point I’m considering proposing to her.
I make myself the largest ice cream sundae of all time and attempt to eat it for the next 30 minutes. Then I challenge her to a game of mini golf and we walk outside with clubs and balls ready to face off in a game of mini golf at 230am.One minor problem…There’s a cop right there. He asks us what we’re doing and she responds with “I work here.” I tell the cop I also work there and he gives me the death stare but eventually leaves. So now we can start mini golf. Next thing I know were on the 7th whole hooking up.
Now in my life I’ve hooked up with 2 girls that have had tongue rings. The first girl it made no difference I could barely even notice it. However this girl’s tongue ring was the best thing I had ever experienced ….since when I ate ice cream with 36 topping earlier. Next I realize I have no condom and attempt for the backdoor. Bam shut down. So I just proceed without a condom. And now my STD test I had received less than 6 hours ago is completely useless.
Afterwards as I’m getting up I realize my shorts are broken. This requires me to hold them up with one hand. I say my goodbyes, grab my clothes just throwing my boxers in my pocket and go for a quick exit I call Vern who has somehow migrated to 3 blocks down the street. AT this point its 4am and adventure time is coming to a close. So we find a ronday Vu spot about 2 blocks up and meet up to start our walk home. Its 420am and me Vern and I enjoy a peacefull 3 minute walk along the beach/park before we are rudley interrupted.
Vern and I are the only people on the street. No cars, bikes, pedestrian’s not even pigeons. A police car drives by us where he instantly pulls a U turn and drives on the wrong side of the road immediately up next to us. The conversation went like this
Cop: Let me see you ids
Me: Why
Cop: Because I said so
We hand him our ids
Cop: Where are you going?
Me: Were going home
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Me: My friend’s house
Cop: Why are your pants down?
(They weren’t down but I was holding them up with my hand because they broke earlier)
Me: Because I just had sex
Looking back this was probably not the best thing to say but I was super tired at this point so I just answered all his questions honestly. And I was super tired and didnt appreciate the fact that he was interrogating us like he was john walsh and just captured an Americas # 2 most wanted fugitive.
The cop runs our id’s and while he’s doing this I start talking to Vern. After hearing about 6 hours of redneck constitutional rights earlier in the day I start to chat with Vern about the constitution and just blurt out whatevers on my mind like im Ozzie Guillen. The whole time I never raised my voice and was only talking to Vern but I think the cop overheard us. These are some of the things I said
“Why are we being stopped we did nothing wrong”
“This is against our constitutional right.”
“Doesn’t this cop have anything better to do?”
"Charles Manson has more rights then we do right now."
“This is bull**** bro.”
The cop then gives us back our id’s and asks us again “Where are you going.” I respond with “I just told you were going home.” The cop then says “I don’t like your attitude your under arrest for public Urination.” Then he cuffs me. Now during my arrest multiple things happen.
1. While I’m cuffed the Cop knocks the hat off my head by taking a roundhouse open palmed bar punch at my head. He just winds up and hits the hat right off my head about 20 feet down the street. If he had missed by an inch I probably would have been unconscious.
2. The cop refuses to call me by my real name and only refers to me as “Francine.” This happened 10-15 times.
3. The cop completely searches me for anything. Then when we get to the station he tells me to take off my belt and put my hands against the wall. I explain to him that my pants are broken and if I do this my pants will fall down. He physically forces me to do it anyways. I stand there bare ass up against the wall while he just sits there and chuckles for about 30 seconds. At this point I was almost positive I would see my ass on Instagram the next day. Then tells me to pick up my pants.
4. The cop tells me 3-5 times about how I am going to get ass raped in a federal penitentiary because that is where I’m headed.
5. He from time to time randomly insults me and responds with “What are you going to do about it, I’d bet you like to hit me.”
I’m a seasoned veteran at dealing with cops and after about 2 minutes I could tell that this officer deserved a starring role in Super Troopers 2.So the whole time I was just amused and just laughed everything off. It’s now about 6am
I know Vern Will bail me out and I use my 1 phone call to call Planned Parenthood and schedule another STD test. Then Vern and I walk home at about 7am. A few days later while on the beach I notice a microwave sitting in the sand. Sure enough it’s my microwave. I bring it home and it still works to perfection. I used it to make the burrito I’m eating right now.
Direct link comes with pictures
The link to the rest of my blogs are http://xyz251.blogspot.com/ I usually write a new story once a week
So it’s a casual Wednesday and Vern and I start the day off by going to the STD clinic and getting checked out for the first time ever. On a serious note it’s something everyone should do and I’m glad we did. The rest of the day we spent going to gym/sitting around and listening to the news on how some citizens in Alabama or someplace are being denied their constitutional rights.
Now its night time and my boy Vern and I make our way down to our local watering whole. We make the 15 minute walk cuz we dont want to end up like Amand Bynes driving around ****faced at 4am. And what do you know its $2 drink night. We instantly order 4 sprites and vodkas. Chug them. Then order 4 more. About 2 hours later the club is closing and were about 9 drinks deep. Each. So now its adventure time. The club is closing and all the cute girls are making their way to the exit. So before adventure time it’s time to implement the 2 minute drill. This is where its 12:58 and you have exactly 2 minutes to try and pick up any cute chic in the club. 30% of the time it works, 60% of the time it doesn’t and 10% of the time you get arrested. Lucky me I would experience all 3 before the night was over.
The 2 minute drill is a complete failure and I feel like the early 90's Buffalo Bills. But in no way would I let this affect my attitude towards adventure time. So now Vern and I are on an adventure. I know this because we are walking the exact opposite way of where our apartment is. After about 5 minutes of walking we go by my old apartment. The only reasonable thing to do was break in. I still had a key so no felony for me tonight. We walk around and it’s completely empty except for one crucial appliance. The mother ****ing microwave. For some reason in the move out I had forgot to take the microwave with me. So I pick up the microwave and bring it with me on adventure time.
The upstairs neighbors must have heard us rummaging around like 2 drunken idiots so they pop their heads outside the window. We say hello and they respond with a 2 minute lecture on how were not supposed to be in our old apartment. I assure them not to worry I’m just picking up my microwave but for whatever reason they call the police…the police station is less than a 1minute drive away. So Vern and I run out of the house carrying the microwave. With the police hot on our tail I drop the microwave on the beach. It’s one of those gigantic 1940’smicrowave that’s nearly the size of a Honda Prius. Carrying it would be a clear handicap in my escape from the police. SO I ditch it and we continue adventure time.
After about 5 minutes of walking we walk by a mini golf course/ice cream shop. There are 2 cute female employees by whole number one and they are locking up the course for the night. I start talking to them and they let us in the locked gate. They bring us back inside the ice cream shop where they have a few bottles of booze. We start to drink and after about 5 minutes I’m making out with this girl by the 28 flavors of ice cream. I interrupt the make out sesh and ask her if I could have some ice cream. She responds with make yourself as much as you want here are the toppings. She opens up a cabinet of about 40 toppings and at this point I’m considering proposing to her.
I make myself the largest ice cream sundae of all time and attempt to eat it for the next 30 minutes. Then I challenge her to a game of mini golf and we walk outside with clubs and balls ready to face off in a game of mini golf at 230am.One minor problem…There’s a cop right there. He asks us what we’re doing and she responds with “I work here.” I tell the cop I also work there and he gives me the death stare but eventually leaves. So now we can start mini golf. Next thing I know were on the 7th whole hooking up.
Now in my life I’ve hooked up with 2 girls that have had tongue rings. The first girl it made no difference I could barely even notice it. However this girl’s tongue ring was the best thing I had ever experienced ….since when I ate ice cream with 36 topping earlier. Next I realize I have no condom and attempt for the backdoor. Bam shut down. So I just proceed without a condom. And now my STD test I had received less than 6 hours ago is completely useless.
Afterwards as I’m getting up I realize my shorts are broken. This requires me to hold them up with one hand. I say my goodbyes, grab my clothes just throwing my boxers in my pocket and go for a quick exit I call Vern who has somehow migrated to 3 blocks down the street. AT this point its 4am and adventure time is coming to a close. So we find a ronday Vu spot about 2 blocks up and meet up to start our walk home. Its 420am and me Vern and I enjoy a peacefull 3 minute walk along the beach/park before we are rudley interrupted.
Vern and I are the only people on the street. No cars, bikes, pedestrian’s not even pigeons. A police car drives by us where he instantly pulls a U turn and drives on the wrong side of the road immediately up next to us. The conversation went like this
Cop: Let me see you ids
Me: Why
Cop: Because I said so
We hand him our ids
Cop: Where are you going?
Me: Were going home
Cop: Where are you coming from?
Me: My friend’s house
Cop: Why are your pants down?
(They weren’t down but I was holding them up with my hand because they broke earlier)
Me: Because I just had sex
Looking back this was probably not the best thing to say but I was super tired at this point so I just answered all his questions honestly. And I was super tired and didnt appreciate the fact that he was interrogating us like he was john walsh and just captured an Americas # 2 most wanted fugitive.
The cop runs our id’s and while he’s doing this I start talking to Vern. After hearing about 6 hours of redneck constitutional rights earlier in the day I start to chat with Vern about the constitution and just blurt out whatevers on my mind like im Ozzie Guillen. The whole time I never raised my voice and was only talking to Vern but I think the cop overheard us. These are some of the things I said
“Why are we being stopped we did nothing wrong”
“This is against our constitutional right.”
“Doesn’t this cop have anything better to do?”
"Charles Manson has more rights then we do right now."
“This is bull**** bro.”
The cop then gives us back our id’s and asks us again “Where are you going.” I respond with “I just told you were going home.” The cop then says “I don’t like your attitude your under arrest for public Urination.” Then he cuffs me. Now during my arrest multiple things happen.
1. While I’m cuffed the Cop knocks the hat off my head by taking a roundhouse open palmed bar punch at my head. He just winds up and hits the hat right off my head about 20 feet down the street. If he had missed by an inch I probably would have been unconscious.
2. The cop refuses to call me by my real name and only refers to me as “Francine.” This happened 10-15 times.
3. The cop completely searches me for anything. Then when we get to the station he tells me to take off my belt and put my hands against the wall. I explain to him that my pants are broken and if I do this my pants will fall down. He physically forces me to do it anyways. I stand there bare ass up against the wall while he just sits there and chuckles for about 30 seconds. At this point I was almost positive I would see my ass on Instagram the next day. Then tells me to pick up my pants.
4. The cop tells me 3-5 times about how I am going to get ass raped in a federal penitentiary because that is where I’m headed.
5. He from time to time randomly insults me and responds with “What are you going to do about it, I’d bet you like to hit me.”
I’m a seasoned veteran at dealing with cops and after about 2 minutes I could tell that this officer deserved a starring role in Super Troopers 2.So the whole time I was just amused and just laughed everything off. It’s now about 6am
I know Vern Will bail me out and I use my 1 phone call to call Planned Parenthood and schedule another STD test. Then Vern and I walk home at about 7am. A few days later while on the beach I notice a microwave sitting in the sand. Sure enough it’s my microwave. I bring it home and it still works to perfection. I used it to make the burrito I’m eating right now.