watch Men Of Business - Short film

[calif0rnian]

Hi there again, I recently shot a short written by a friend of mine in one of my film classes.
I'd love to get some feedback on this, especially on the shots, color grading, editing and what not, since that is what I've been working on. The story is a bit, lacking I think, but it's ok for a first short ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqG6YRw1tbY

Shot on a Canon EOS 550D T2i with the kit lens.
Audio captured with the rode video mic and a extension chord. (should of borrowed a boom mic from school meh!).

Shot with the kit lens, this was before I got the takumar 50mm..

Audio levels are ok, a bit unbalanced... that I know, we're not done yet and there's two weeks left for me to go through that stuff.


Please let me know what you think, I'd love to learn and improve and move on!


Ian

 

[JakeSully]

It's quite ok.
Not great, but good.
Acting was subpar, but the guy playing the "boss" was awesome. Seriously. The same goes for dialogue, mos of t was stale, but the "boss" was natural (except the part about killing his employee)
Well shot, and sound wasn't bad.

 

[calif0rnian]

Thank you so much for the reply. Yes, the boss is a great actor, I loved watching it as I was recording it. I had music from Inception / Dark Knight (hans zimmer) going in my head and the feeling of those films also.
I really like him, and I'll definitely try to get him for other films!

 

[Cracker Funk]

Hey man, overrall, nice work. Based on your post, it sounds like you want straight constructive critique, so I'm just gonna get right to it.

At 1:11, one of your guards breaks character. I assume you wanted an intentionally-uncomfortably-long shot, but the actors ruins it. I think you should cut the shot before he breaks character.

The cut at 1:19 is jacked. We cut from a shot in which he is walking forward, to one in which he is starting from a stand-still. Doesn't work. Find a way to re-cut it. If, somehow, you don't have a cut that fits, find a cutaway.

For the duration of their conversation inside the office, you are completely killing the 180-rule. Unfortunately, I'm assuming (guessing) you don't have any other coverage for this? If so, you'll just have to leave it as is, but remember it on your next shoot. There might be occasional reason to intentionally break the rule, but for the most part I think you need to stick to it.

The fade-out/fade-in at 3:15 is completely unneccessary. You can just do a straight cut there.

As a general rule, I felt like your shot composition was way too front-and-center. I'm a fan of the rule of 3rds. You don't have to use it all the time, but I think it's best to use it most of the time.

You've got a solid foundation to build on. Keep it up!

 

[Nate North]

As a general rule, I felt like your shot composition was way too front-and-center. I'm a fan of the rule of 3rds. You don't have to use it all the time, but I think it's best to use it most of the time.

You've got a solid foundation to build on. Keep it up!

Word.

 

[licenseless]

just my opinion... which take with a grain of salt... i suck hahahah

the song on the phone isnt clear enough to hear...

so just a suggestion...

edit it with a dubbed over version of the song... so that you can hear it better... so that you know that the song is "the boys are back in town" ...

then after he clicks on the phone to answer it... instead of making the song stop... keep it going and maybe make it louder... and then from the moment he clicks the button to answer the phone until the nephew realizes it and pulls the gun... put it all in slow mo... but make the nephews reaction must faster...

just a thought...

it would make the climax that much more exciting... to me anyways

 

[calif0rnian]

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it! I didn't realize I broke the 180 rule honestly. The over the shoulder shots didn't turn out like I wanted them to. I think now with the 50mm I could pull off some better shorts.

I appreciate the tips, and I'll try to fix the errors you guys picked up.


It's nice to ask people about help, because you just don't notice it yourself to the same extent.

The fade to white that happens though is there because it's supposed to indicate a memory of his, a flashback if you may.


Ian

 

[licenseless]

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it! I didn't realize I broke the 180 rule honestly. The over the shoulder shots didn't turn out like I wanted them to. I think now with the 50mm I could pull off some better shorts.

I appreciate the tips, and I'll try to fix the errors you guys picked up.


It's nice to ask people about help, because you just don't notice it yourself to the same extent.

The fade to white that happens though is there because it's supposed to indicate a memory of his, a flashback if you may.


Ian

you could always do the fad to white... and put in white text on the next clip "earlier that day"

 

[Cracker Funk]

They are both looking to the left of the screen. That's your #1 indication that you've crossed the line. The 180-line can be a major headache, in that you must always keep it on your mind. For every scene, every setup, every shot, you need to know where the line of action is, and stay where you're safe to shoot.

 

[licenseless]

They are both looking to the left of the screen. That's your #1 indication that you've crossed the line. The 180-line can be a major headache, in that you must always keep it on your mind. For every scene, every setup, every shot, you need to know where the line of action is, and stay where you're safe to shoot.

see this is why i need a class of some sort...

you know of any videos or online training courses that have some decent info like this... hahahahahah cause i am still confused at what this is...

could use the tid bits there cracker

 

[Cracker Funk]

see this is why i need a class of some sort...

you know of any videos or online training courses that have some decent info like this... hahahahahah cause i am still confused at what this is...

could use the tid bits there cracker

It's all out there, online, for free. The catch-22 is that if you're a beginner, how the heck do you know what to search for?

For first-time filmmakers, I really like this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Bare-Bones-Camera-Course-Video/dp/0960371818

Oh, and although I did take one intermediate filmmaking class, I learned the 180-rule from that book.

As far as the 180-rule is concerned, one of Indietalk's regular members made a really nice instructional video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdyyuqmCW14

My opinion -- your first priority, as a new filmmaker, is simple shot composition. That's just regular photography. Google "photography 101", "basics of photography", "photography shot composition". If you find an instructional site that details stuff like the "rule of thirds", "framing", "balance", and stuff like that, you've found a gold-mine. And then start playing with your camera.

 

[licenseless]

see i get the jist of the photography basics... but just like you said ... im a beginner ... and i have no clue what to look for hahahahah

more less what im doing wrong hahahahahaha i can only take what simple concepts i understand and have found with editing stuff... and what seemed to work for me...

as for the 180... i am kicking my self in the foot... because it is such a common sense idea... but i didnt even think about it... thanks cracker funk...

and sorry californian for turning your thread into a learning experience for me... back to
"men of business"

which ... by the way... feels like an opening to a long movie with a "lock stock and two smoking barrels" feel... so expand on it... keep that as the intro hahahaha and develope more of a story from it... just a thought.

 

[calif0rnian]

Thanks for the kind words, again it's not my story; so I can't really expand anything, but James the guy who wrote it has more he says.

About the 180 rule, I'm taking a film class at school, and we've gone through this stuff; still keep on forgetting though.


I guess at some point we didn't care, because we wanted to wrap it up. Everyone was getting tired.

Thanks for the instructional video, it helped a lot.