• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

Love is Online - Short

theauteur

theauteur

Hey,

This is a short that I wrote in 2009, when I was basically starting out in the screenwriting world. I opened it couple of days back, and edited the opening pages, but the other part is still the same. I just wanted this to get out and get some feedback. I've been procrastinating a lot, but now I want to get back to writing again. So just review it. Tear it apart with bad reviews, I don't know. Say whatever you want to, I'm open to every response.

"After being dumped by his girlfriend, Mike gets an opportunity to find love again, online."

http://flipsydeworld.com/Love is Online.pdf
 
Last edited:
Sort by date Sort by votes
First of all, thank you for reading it :). My primary concern is regarding the conversation between Mike and Kate. Does it give away the ending? I don't want people to guess the twist half way through the movie. Moreover, does it look authentic? And lastly, I've some problems regarding "show and don't tell." Did you find any in the script?
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I could assume that the end product of his Shakespearean-thespian email was going to finish as a sincere, "Do you wanna go out?"

It was authentic, the twist not so gargantuan, but this wasn't a problem nor would i say it lessened the material. It was a sweet breath of fresh-air, you made a good job of it.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Hi,

I like it. Cute twist at the end.

My concern would be whether you can hold the attention of the viewer through five minutes of typing and online text appearing. You'd spend your whole time reading. I think a V.O. as they type would be essential. The human voice can carry so much more emotion and interest than plain old text.

Thanks for the read!

-Charles
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Yeah, that is also my major concern. I'll try couple of different things during the shoot and post production.

Thank you for reading it and giving feedback. Appreciate it :)
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top