Looking for input on idea for a short...any help appreciated!

[AndrewLee]

Up until now I haven't really ever taken a shot at creating a serious short...just fun little videos that are generally quite silly.
However I do have multiple ideas floating around, and I plan on beginning to put them into action

So anyway, I had an idea for a short film about a man who gets back from a tour in the military. Upon arrival home, his girlfriend breaks up with him claiming she couldn't wait for him to finish his deployment and simply moved on. We then see that the main character has some psychological problems from his experience in the war that have not been properly dealt with. He explains to his therapist that while over 'there', he shot and killed a small child by accident, but the experience of watching the child die left his mind altered. His therapist then prescribes him antidepressants. This is implied through a simple shot of the drugs in the characters hand as he examines them while shaving the next day.

the camera then cuts to the main character in a park at dusk, drawing in his notebook. Suddenly an older model car comes driving down the road and turns onto a side path leading into the woods. This perplexes our character, but he makes nothing of it. Suddenly the car burns out of the side path and back down the road. Intrigued, the main character walks down the path and sees that it leads to a body of water. Something else needs to happen as filler (lol) and then there will be another scene at the lake, this time the main character observes the man in the car throw something in the water. The next scene will further reveal information about the kidnappings, and that a car has been flagged suspicious, and it matches that of the car the main character saw by the lake.

From here, I've had two ideas of what could happen.

1. The main character, through his drive to fill a purpose, and his feeling of guilt for killing the child, begins a quest to hunt the man responsible for the kidnappings, and is successful, but perhaps dies or something at the end, not sure.

2. The combination of the antidepressants, his psychological problems, and his drive to again fill a purpose cause him to hallucinate, and imagine that he is seeing things that lead him to the killer when really he is making things up based on circumstantial-ism, and a side effect of the drugs in general. This causes a twist-the viewer thinks he is on to the real killer, when in fact he is chasing geese as it were.

My THIRD idea was to not include the bit about the kidnappings AT ALL, and make the rest of the movie as a more 'Garden State-like movie, where it's really about his journey to find himself and become happy.

ANYWAY I would really appreciate some help, any and all advice is appreciated. Sorry for the long read, and as of now I do actually have this in more detail in the form of a screenplay, but like I said I'm unsure which direction to take it.

Thanks again

 

[harmonica44]

I'm a little confused. How does he figure out there are kidnappings from a car? You know what also might be more traumatic for him. If he was ordered to kill the child and did it, rather than doing it by accident. But the accident works fine too.

I like #1 but hard to say, since it seems something more could happen at the end there.

 

[FantasySciFi]

Just remember that psychiatrists have medical licenses and can prescribe drugs, not psychologists or therapists. Most antidepressants target the serotonin so they rarely cause psychotic reactions (hallucinations). Anxiolytics to relieve anxiety can sometimes lead to paranoia. I would be really reluctant to use the "drug reaction" approach. As a counselor, I would suggest you avoid #2. Most legal meds do not exhibit psychotic effects at therapeutic doses.

I think of "Born on the 4th of July" with its strong story. It will be important to deal with the issues of our returning troops. It could be a feel good, contemporary fiction. It would not be my first choice, but that's because I know my writing preferences.

That leaves #1. I can see how by going to investigate, someone sees him and thinks he's the kidnapper. As a short, I think it gives you great flexibility to develop his character. Especially if he tries to help the recent victim and falls in love with the mother in the process. He might not put it together that night but read about it in the paper the next day. Then the cogs turn and he starts his quest. You can make all sorts of turns.

Both #1 and #3 can be adapted easily to the hero's journey format which has been presented here many times. That is a good way to start out writing a screenplay. Good luck with whatever direction you choose.

 

[AndrewLee]

Just remember that psychiatrists have medical licenses and can prescribe drugs, not psychologists or therapists. Most antidepressants target the serotonin so they rarely cause psychotic reactions (hallucinations). Anxiolytics to relieve anxiety can sometimes lead to paranoia. I would be really reluctant to use the "drug reaction" approach. As a counselor, I would suggest you avoid #2. Most legal meds do not exhibit psychotic effects at therapeutic doses.

I think of "Born on the 4th of July" with its strong story. It will be important to deal with the issues of our returning troops. It could be a feel good, contemporary fiction. It would not be my first choice, but that's because I know my writing preferences.

That leaves #1. I can see how by going to investigate, someone sees him and thinks he's the kidnapper. As a short, I think it gives you great flexibility to develop his character. Especially if he tries to help the recent victim and falls in love with the mother in the process. He might not put it together that night but read about it in the paper the next day. Then the cogs turn and he starts his quest. You can make all sorts of turns.

Both #1 and #3 can be adapted easily to the hero's journey format which has been presented here many times. That is a good way to start out writing a screenplay. Good luck with whatever direction you choose.

Thanks, and as far as number 2, I did see the problems there as I have actually had a strong interest in Psychiatry for a long time and it is what I plan on getting in to after school. I know that they do not often cause reactions like that, I was mostly using the fact that it HAS happened as a basis--rare but possible.
HOWEVER even if it is possible, it is fairly far fetched to happen in the sense I described so I will most likely avoid this one unless I come up with a more believable reason for why he is making these events up in his mind

 

[AndrewLee]

I'm a little confused. How does he figure out there are kidnappings from a car? You know what also might be more traumatic for him. If he was ordered to kill the child and did it, rather than doing it by accident. But the accident works fine too.

I like #1 but hard to say, since it seems something more could happen at the end there.

I still have to come up with a believable way to make him hear about the car that doesn't seem too convenient or something.

Yes #1 still needs a bit of expanding, I only have the basic outline for it.

Thanks for the input all

 

[don patterson]

AndrewLee, going to give you the same advice I gave Wheatgrinder, elsewhere on this same forum.

Push your envelope... don't try to be conservative.

Go for an original and exciting concept. TAKE ME somewhere I have never been before.

Get to your story... fast. Make the stakes mountainous...

Lots of conflict with obstacles! Surprise me! Keep that time bomb ticking!

Good luck!

It is what I try to do with every page I write, every script I complete.

Then hope you catch the right reader, or, if you are making the movie yourself, cast right, direct tight, edit even tighter -- but make sure you have fun with it. Fun with the writing. Fun with making the movie. That your cast has fun with it.

Cause it almost always shows...

I am not rich or famous, my 2 cents...