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Looking for comments on my idea and the part of the script i have right now .

B

buserb1

EXT. HOUSE 1 - EARLY MORNING / SUNRISE


Dew hangs to the grass as a pink hue is cast across the morning sky. the house can be seen in the right side of the screen . a large banner is stung on the back of the house righting obviously present but is somewhat unreadable.


INT. HOUSE 1 KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING / SUNRISE


Dishes and half eaten party foods liter the counters and serving areas. The obvious remains of a fairly active party can bee seen in the kitchen. drink cans and trash pile in a overflowing garbage can . Wine glasses in various states of fullness little the table as the camera moves to different areas of the room.


INT. HOUSE 1 BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING / SUNRISE


Man 1 sits on the edge of the bed still wearing the tuxedo his bow tie having been untied and dangles from his neck. he stares blankly at the wall hands on both sides resting on the bed , his back is slightly arched as he brings his hand to his face and looks at the floor . As the camera focuses on the women sleeping in her party dress next to him rolls and touches his back . Man 1's left hand reaches back and grabs her alluringly.


EXT. HOUSE 1 DRIVEWAY - MID MORNING


A bag Heavy bag is thrown into the back of Car 1 by Man 1 as Women 1 brings a couple more to load .




MAN 1

" You know were only going for a couple days right . "



He says jokingly as he takes the bags from her. She smiles at him .




Woman 1

" I know I just don't want to forget anything "



She smiles again as he puts the remaing bags and gear into the back of the car . Woman 1 walks towards the front of the car .


* FLASHBACK *

INT HOUSE 1 LIVING ROOM - MIDNIGHT


The party is going on as the guest mingle and talk . Man 2 clicks his glass as the room turns to him .

Man 2

" Back in the day . I can recall when man 1 first came and told me that he was going to marry woman 1 . ten on the day of the wedding im sure all of you rembier the cake instance, well what you all probably don't know is that about 15 minuets before that man 1 was in the back room telling me he wasn't ready for his and he couldn't be a father . (soft sad chuckle turns to look at man 1 ) if only you had known how much you ld end up wanting this . ( pauses for a moment ) well here's to the last twenty-four . ( he smiles and raises his glass in a group cheers ). "

EXT. CAR 1 EARLY - AFTER NOON


the car passes by several different areas of trees as the car travels through different areas .


EXT. PARK ENTRANCE


The car eventually comes to a rest in a parking lot of a state park . Man and Woman one get out of the car and walk over to a group of people at a nearby car.


Man 2


" What toke you so long ? "

He walks towards Man 1 and pulls him into a hug.


Man 1

" Just enjoying the drive he says as he leans against the car with Man 2 ."

Woman 1


" HEY "


she smiles as she walks towards Woman 2 Woman 2 embraces her reassuringly . Man 1 and Man 2 talk in the distance


Woman 2

" How are you holding up "


Woman 1


" As good as can be expected I guess "


Man 1&2 begin to walk towards car 1 and grab the various things of gear


Man 2


" How's she doing ? "


Man 1
Looks at woman 1&2 having a conversation anks for reading.
 
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Welcome to indietalk buserb1.

What you need to do first, before you will get helpful
comments is learn screenplay format. the second thing
you need to do is check your screenplay before you post
it. You have a lot of errors in this post. Writers expect
some attempt at writing well - at least a little. for example,
"A bag Heavy bag is thrown..." - a simple check before
you post and you would have removed the first "bag".

It's very difficult to overlook so many errors and mistakes
to comment on your idea.

One more thing; so many people sign up here, post one time
asking for comments of feedback, get it and never return. It's
frustrating. You're not that person, right?
 
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Thanks for your comments you are all very correct in assuming that I did not check my work well , a quick read through it shows that. I have no excuse for it I did run it through a spell check but I didn't read through it before I posted I hope you do believe me when I say I am sorry.

There was a large section that some how got erased explaining the plot and basic idea . I will now re submit that part.


The basic plot of the movie is a husband and wife decide to have a child and after a couple years of trying unsuccessfully they decide that they will adopt a child . The movie takes place a few years after they make that choice. It begins on the last day the biological mother has to say rather or not she will keep the child. To help the couple get through the next twenty-four hours Man 1's ( let's call him Jack ) brother ( lets call him Mark ) and Mark's wife take Jack and his wife ( Sara ) on a camping trip.


During the trip the various people have flashbacks to the previous nights events where several events had occurred to the different members of the group. The primary if which is that Sara reviled to Mark that she had gotten pregnant with his child she tells Mark not to tell Jack and that if the adoption falls through then she and Jack would raise the baby without Jack any the wiser. Several other events transpire thought the party but I have yet to come up with anything I want to defiantly include upon the movie.

So the group makes it to the woods for their camping trip and as they do Mark hears a high pitch far off whistle sound he shrugs it off and the group proceeds into the forest. They venture on as more members of the group hear the whistle ignoring it at first but it begins to drive them more and more towards insanity with Mark having been the first exposed obviously he has the most extreme symptoms. The group eventually come across cult sacrifices and experience unexplained happenings as they are drawn to discover the source of the strange whistle.
 
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It does not show a lot of respect for us or our time when you post a script that you clearly have not spell checked or proof read.

Anyway, I won't get into an in-depth analysis of the issues with your script.

Firstly and crucially:

You need to get the format right. I'll post a link to free format guides.
http://reelauthors.com/Resources.php

Use screenplay writing software. This one is excellent and free.
https://www.celtx.com/index.html

Carefully spell and grammar check your work

Read lots of professional scripts. You clearly have not. There's no point in trying to write a screenplay without knowing how the pros do it. Copy them. I'll post a link.
http://writetoreel.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?8-Read-Scripts

Read all the articles here. They'll be invaluable.
http://reelauthors.com/

And spend lots of time here.
http://johnaugust.com/​

If you do the above, you'll come back to us with hugely more knowledge and a much better script.
 
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Thank you very much I have taken your advice I am cheerfully reading through the various items you have given me and several others I found booth on and off the site. Thank you truly for the help I am currently restarting the script from scratch as I didn't have a lot and what I did have wasn't any good. I will post it again when I have a little bit more to show what I have rewritten so far I do think is better more details better formats ( got a software for screenplays ) and I have spell and grammar checked it several times since I started.
 
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