logline Logline Critique, please and thank you

[Hallucigenia]

For a steaming sci fi series. I've crunched it about as far as I can by myself and wanting other eyes. Cheers.

Under the specter of interplanetary war, a wealthy inventor leads a team of top scientists and intrepid adventurers against greedy corporations and corrupt governments to perfect the first faster-than-light drive and take humanity to the safety of the stars.

 

[Hallucigenia]

It's actually really hard to rework a logline FROM a LOGLINE! Meaning, give us more info on the story so WE can condense it. This is like trying to make condensed soup from condensed soup. If we know more ingredients, we can condense it better for you.

I think the soup is in the can now. Briefly however, the story is a Raygun Gothic future (grease monkeys and flying cars, fusion reactors and surf rock) where the inventor has developed an FTL system and intends to use it to spread humanity among the stars. While the inventor is egalitarian and pushes no political agenda, humans are going to human and so a solar systems worth of antagonistic forces are set in motion to steal/control the FTL tech. We see all of this from the vantage point of the five scientists and crew of the ship as they action/adventure their way to Alpha Centauri and beyond.