Thanks CF, ..
The stopping mid sentence etc is just an artifact of my inexperience in writing Screenplay. I visioned the entire poem being spoken OVER the action, in a tone fitting the action.. for example the first stanza is being spoken by Kilroy as if he were telling Murph a story or anecdote from home.. I do a better job of this with the RADIO bit where the stanza IS yelled into the radio.. like a guy calling in artillery.. which is why Murphy pokes his head up and gets plinked. I tried to use the "... as " qualifer, but there might be a better way. In a side note, if you play with the OTHER formats offered by celtx, the AV script particularly would be a better format I think..
Target audience? I had not considered it. It was writ in rush of inspiration, I was emotionally impacted while writing, what more could I ask? Its a polarized world we live in. If I'm afraid to offend lefties, then Id better find a new hobby, 'cause very few movie\creative types hold similar believes to me.
As for political. Everything is political. That poem is VERY political, you'll note that in the Christmas Carol the two key political stanza are omitted. To my reading and research into the context of the writing, that poem is about the triumph over the war of slavery. (a whole new kettle of fish that debate, but certainly much of the norther populace viewed it as such...) also the WWii setting is clearly a GOOD vs EVIL setting.. as no reasonable person would suggest that defeating Naziasam was not a GOOD in the world.
Id make this for me, and the actors and the crew the rest can lump it.. lol
), although, granted, not in the short 'concept'/christmas card short format, so far as I've seen, at least.
