Director:
Ingo Storm
Studio/Production Company:
2nd Life Film Production
Submitted by IndieTalk Member:
2movie
Genre:
Mystery
Sub-Genre:
Horror
Length:
Feature
Website:
http://www.7-junglespirit.com
Score: .5/5
Ladies and gentlemen...I've spent the better part of my years on this earth watching films. Like most, I began as a amorphous blob parked in front of a TV screen taking in anything and everything without consideration. What began as an ordinary man's recreation eventually became this particular man's obsession. The same obsession that no doubt has brought you here to read these words. So, ladies and gentlemen...if I say I'm a movie guy you will agree. Filmmakers you have a great chance here, but bare in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all those that will attempt to mount their own feature film, maybe one in a hundred will be a real artist. Out of those same hundred maybe five will have talent; the rest will be snake-oil salesmen with dreams of success they will never find here. They are in for the gain of a quick buck under the guise of an artist. Even if you find one who can actually get a film made, and distributed, they'll depend on the ignorance of an unknowing audience to pluck down their hard-earned money on faith alone. A faith unearned. That is the way this works. [/Plainview]
Ingo Storm is doing just that with his feature debut Jungle Spirit -- the worst "film" I have ever seen.
In sitting down to write this review I was at a loss as to where to begin, so please excuse my cribbing of Paul Thomas Anderson. The adapted quotation just felt appropriate as I am definitely channeling my inner Daniel Plainview after having watched this abomination. Touted as a fact-based Horror/Mystery, the film is a more a comedy than anything. In fact, I can't decide whether this is the worst Horror film ever devised or a piece of comedy genius. I've seen better narrative structure and production value in internet porn. The film is obviously aimed squarely at the D-movie crowd, yet it can't even approach that standard. Here are just some of the atrocities I had to bare witness to:
- a recap montage within the first 15 minutes
- abnormally long scenes that seemed almost improvised if it were not for the inane dialogue
- lighting that looked to be produced with flashlights
- Storm himself doing his best Ed Wood impersonation by badly overacting his way through a supporting role that served absolutely no purpose
- a narrative so poorly structured that title cards are employed ad nauseum just to set time/place...and even they make little sense
- the movie looks like shit
- the WORST sex scene ever committed to video or celluloid...simply a marvel to behold
- did I mention the poorly-timed, nonsensical English dub? Characters will jump between speaking Japanese and English at random. It was as if ADR consisted of a guy and a girl sitting in a bathroom watching the movie and making up the story on sight alone, Mystery Science Theatre style.
By the time we get to the talking laptop (yes, a talking laptop), Jungle Spirit has not only jumped the shark -- it has tied the damn thing up gimp-style while putting out cigarette butts on it's limp carcass, lobbing ethnic slurs for good measures. I couldn't stop laughing at how bad the whole enterprise was. It makes Plan 9 From Outer Space look like Citizen Kane. Throw in the fact that in some weird way the movie is trying to be a "message film" on human rights (what?) and you've got crap to the enth degree. The film's only saving grace is that the actresses are easy on the eyes, given you haven't already gouged yours out within the opening minutes. I've already wasted too many words on this train wreck. I would almost recommend this movie solely for the comedic value -- it's so bad that it's good (ok maybe not). If you could see it for free, have absolutely nothing else to do, and are feeling a bit sadistic; check it out and prepare to be astounded. Just don't waste money on the damned thing!
Jungle Spirit is, without question or hyperbole, the worst film I have ever seen.
Ingo Storm
Studio/Production Company:
2nd Life Film Production
Submitted by IndieTalk Member:
2movie
Genre:
Mystery
Sub-Genre:
Horror
Length:
Feature
Website:
http://www.7-junglespirit.com
Score: .5/5
Ladies and gentlemen...I've spent the better part of my years on this earth watching films. Like most, I began as a amorphous blob parked in front of a TV screen taking in anything and everything without consideration. What began as an ordinary man's recreation eventually became this particular man's obsession. The same obsession that no doubt has brought you here to read these words. So, ladies and gentlemen...if I say I'm a movie guy you will agree. Filmmakers you have a great chance here, but bare in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all those that will attempt to mount their own feature film, maybe one in a hundred will be a real artist. Out of those same hundred maybe five will have talent; the rest will be snake-oil salesmen with dreams of success they will never find here. They are in for the gain of a quick buck under the guise of an artist. Even if you find one who can actually get a film made, and distributed, they'll depend on the ignorance of an unknowing audience to pluck down their hard-earned money on faith alone. A faith unearned. That is the way this works. [/Plainview]
Ingo Storm is doing just that with his feature debut Jungle Spirit -- the worst "film" I have ever seen.
In sitting down to write this review I was at a loss as to where to begin, so please excuse my cribbing of Paul Thomas Anderson. The adapted quotation just felt appropriate as I am definitely channeling my inner Daniel Plainview after having watched this abomination. Touted as a fact-based Horror/Mystery, the film is a more a comedy than anything. In fact, I can't decide whether this is the worst Horror film ever devised or a piece of comedy genius. I've seen better narrative structure and production value in internet porn. The film is obviously aimed squarely at the D-movie crowd, yet it can't even approach that standard. Here are just some of the atrocities I had to bare witness to:
- a recap montage within the first 15 minutes
- abnormally long scenes that seemed almost improvised if it were not for the inane dialogue
- lighting that looked to be produced with flashlights
- Storm himself doing his best Ed Wood impersonation by badly overacting his way through a supporting role that served absolutely no purpose
- a narrative so poorly structured that title cards are employed ad nauseum just to set time/place...and even they make little sense
- the movie looks like shit
- the WORST sex scene ever committed to video or celluloid...simply a marvel to behold
- did I mention the poorly-timed, nonsensical English dub? Characters will jump between speaking Japanese and English at random. It was as if ADR consisted of a guy and a girl sitting in a bathroom watching the movie and making up the story on sight alone, Mystery Science Theatre style.
By the time we get to the talking laptop (yes, a talking laptop), Jungle Spirit has not only jumped the shark -- it has tied the damn thing up gimp-style while putting out cigarette butts on it's limp carcass, lobbing ethnic slurs for good measures. I couldn't stop laughing at how bad the whole enterprise was. It makes Plan 9 From Outer Space look like Citizen Kane. Throw in the fact that in some weird way the movie is trying to be a "message film" on human rights (what?) and you've got crap to the enth degree. The film's only saving grace is that the actresses are easy on the eyes, given you haven't already gouged yours out within the opening minutes. I've already wasted too many words on this train wreck. I would almost recommend this movie solely for the comedic value -- it's so bad that it's good (ok maybe not). If you could see it for free, have absolutely nothing else to do, and are feeling a bit sadistic; check it out and prepare to be astounded. Just don't waste money on the damned thing!
Jungle Spirit is, without question or hyperbole, the worst film I have ever seen.
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