archived-videos I'm gonna be Re-making this. Need comments

Do you mean you don't understand the story? Basically a guy goes to a whorehouse and ends up paying for more of a fake relationship instead of sex
 
Hmmm... don't know where to start.

I don't actually know what you meant. Is it her job to provide the feeling of a real relationship? Is she a relationship whore rather than a sexual whore, or something like that? Or is it designed to be surreal, using the visit to the brothel as a microcosm of real relationships and relationships in general?

Whatever the answer is you need to be clear with the viewer. In that sense I would definately suggest some rewrites and maybe, if it is meant to be surreal, a stylistic change every time they start discussing an aspect of this real/fake relationship.

I would also recommend investing in professional or student actors for the two leads, because that will make the whole thing more convincing.

But part of me agrees with Alcove. Is there a good reason why you're remaking this? I don't think the idea is strong enough to justify focussing too long on, so I would say try something different. By experimenting you should eventually land on something really good.
 
I guess I'm not reading into as deep as you. The way I see it is that a whore is someone who does something for money. More specifically, whatever you want them to for money. Obviously people use whores for sex, no question about that. I suppose that what I'm trying to say with this film is that people lust over other sexy people, but I think what we're all looking for is to have a relationship rather than just needing sex. I don't know, that's kinda word vomit there, but that's what the film is about.

How would you all change the script to make it stronger? Essentially I feel like there are two parts:
1- The sex/ the man walking to the room. This part is saturated in sex
2- the turn. after the slap, we break the 180 throws the audience off.

Should there be more in between? more of an interaction before they "start"? I originally didn't because first she's not interested in him until he pays, then she just moves right in.
...i don't know. Thoughts?
 
The first thing I'd like to know is whether you want the service she's providing to be real or surreal?

Is she a RentAFriend.com sort of gal or is this scene designed to have an air of comic surreality?
 
"I wanna remake it because I like the story and I know I can do it better. "

I think what the forum is trying to say, but is far more polite than myself, is: there is no story. It's just an incident.

Maybe this scene affects you more than the rest of us, for unknown reasons, but we're not really connecting. Sorry.

Best would be to write something for that fine looking blonde. Yes, that would be at the top of my list.
 
hahaha she is pretty saucy
Thanks for all the feedback, but I totally agree that there isn't much of a story. I guess I should have been more clear about that. Right now I feel like the setup has legs to it, meaning that it could go a lot of different places. This incident is kind of the ground work. Where do you all see this story going?
 
This was really good. Right up to the point where you slapped us in the face with the huge color change (camera change) at 3:38. It ruined the whole effect. Also, put a different effect on the keyboard. The muted stuff on guitar at the beginning was good. Even at 1:11 the single note wah bend is okay. But then there is some sort of chord effect. Lose that it is not good. Check out this video and take notes on the guitar cause its the same as in your film. Other than these things, I really enjoyed it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsOmvSlPuys&playnext=1&list=PL8518C91E9D7C422C&index=25
 
I was with you up until I realized she was actually doing what he paid her for... at that point, there was no reason for it for me as that needed explaining and had none... before that, when the prostitute was channeling his wife's (he seems too young) words, it had some poignancy as his conscience plagued him... I'd just about pursue it that way.

Camera was decent, less (or more stable ) hand held, careful on the dolly shots, you were canted, but not enough to seem canted, just enough to seem poorly leveled.

Acting was devent, more takes and more direction could have gotten stronger performances.

Lighting outside needed a little work, interiors felt lit to me, which is what we try to avoid... motivate the light and create a mood that fits the scene, it was a bit too bright. Use gels to shift the color of the light to match the scene (perhaps red outside, rather than the un-white balanced look). The outside shots looked out of focus as well.

Set design, the candles were a good start, now decorate the rest of the room to match, including the bed... this is a brothel, which means a place of business specifically for one purpose... if not, get a seedy motel to shoot in.
 
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