CLASSY TUESDAY.
Int. office building
CHRIS
Hey man do you know where Patrick is today? He hasn't been answering his phone and he said he'd help me out with moving stuff today.
STEVEN
Uh, nah man I haven't seen him arou...
DAN clears his throat ominously.
STEVEN
What?...
DAN nods silently towards calendar on adjacent wall.
A look of somber understanding sweeps STEVEN'S face.
DAN
He... PAT cannot help you today; I'm sorry.
STEVEN and DAN become quiet and apprehensive.
CHRIS
...What ...did something happen?
STEVEN and DAN make quick eye contact.
STEVEN exhales deeply.
The room is silent.
CHRIS
Guys, you're kinda scaring me. What's going on?
STEVEN
We're gonna tell you something about Pat. What we tell ya here doesn't leave the room. Got it?
CHRIS
Yeah... no, of course.
DAN
Chris...
STEVEN
It's... It's Classy Tuesday.
The room falls silent again.
CHRIS
What?
STEVEN
Classy Tuesday, Chris.
CHRIS
I am not following you.
STEVEN
For as long as I've know Patrick every Tuesday of every week has been what he refers to as "Classy Tuesday."
STEVEN
Patrick becomes like... a different person.
DAN becomes visibly upset, on the verge of tears.
STEVEN throws an arm around DAN to comfort him.
STEVEN
We shouldn't talk about this anymore; not here. If you really need to talk to Patrick today, you'll need to go see him yourself.
CHRIS
Ok... Is he at home?
STEVEN
Certainly.
STEVEN
He'll be in... the study.
DAN bursts into tears.
EXT. a driveway/a normal-suburban house
CHRIS parks his car in Patrick's driveway. He walks up and knocks on the door, it swings open; unlocked. CHRIS walks in nervously.
CHRIS
...Hey Pat? Hey! it's CHRIS dude.
The house is dark and silent except for the muffled sound of music coming from somewhere.
CHRIS
...Pat?
CHRIS follows the source of the noise to a shoe closet. He opens the closet door to reveal a distinguished oak door. Golden door knob.
CHRIS stares at the door with a look of surprise and opens it.
The room revealed is classy as fuck. There's a big wood desk. The back of a leather rolly-chair faces the door. A large assortment of cheese/fruit platters, wine, and cigar boxes are to the left of the desk. To the right is a spinning record player and various leather bound books. There's old maps on the walls. there's Victorian oil paintings everywhere. A fireplace is in full blaze. a white bird is sitting atop a perch. thomas bangalter's 'club soda' is playing quietly in the background.
CHRIS
Patrick?
The leather chair spins to face the door and PATRICK is revealed. He's wearing a full suit and a monicle. A big cigar hangs from his mouth and a crystal glass of brown spirits is in his left hand.
PATRICK
Chistopher! What a pleasent surprise this is! Please come in; make yourself at home! Please close the door.
CHRIS closes the door and sits across the desk. He's expressionless.
PATRICK
I must have forgotten our appointment! I do apologize for my heedlessness! How can I assist you old chum?
CHRIS
Are you fucking serious? What is all this? How long has this been here?
PATRICK
I constructed the study eight years ago Christopher. Please don't spout maldictions in the study.
CHRIS
This is weird. Why are you talking like that? Why are you wearing a suit?...
PATRICK ingores the remarks.
PATRICK
My manners have eluded me! Let me make you a drink.
PATRICK walks to the bar.
PATRICK
What will it be?
CHRIS
Water's good.
PATRICK
We have whiskey, scotch, and cognac. I also have a Lebanese Cabarnet that compliments the camembert wonderfully!
PATRICK motions towards the cheese.
CHRIS
It's 9:30...
PATRICK
Ahh, you have a keen eye my friend! I've always said that! I was saving the Dom for a next tuesday but it's evident to me you have a yearning for the bubbly! '96... What a year...
PATRICK pops the cork to the champagne and pours two glasses. He hands a glass to CHRIS and sits down.
PATRICK
Alas, down to business. How can I assist you today?
CHRIS
Why haven't you been answering your phone?
PATRICK
It's Tuesday, Christopher. I correspond by post on Tuesdays.
CHRIS
Okay... Uh, well you've been telling me all week you would help me move out today.
PATRICK
Ahh, I'm terribly sorry Christopher! I am so forgetful at times! I'm afraid I'll be engaged in other affairs all the day long! You must exeme my neglegent mind!
CHRIS sips the champagne with a look of worry on his face.
PATRICK gets up and rummages through the stacks of records til he finds one he likes.
PATRICK
Ahh!
PATRICK puts the Line Reanaud cover of Barry Manilow's 'Copacabana' on. He sits back at the desk.
PATRICK
You know I have been researching the history of Maritime law. Fascinating!
CHRIS points towards the perched white bird.
CHRIS
Is that a bird, Pat?...
PATRICK
Pseudastur albicollis!
CHRIS
...Okay, I'm gonna go now.
PATRICK
Ahh, so soon old chum! Well don't be a stranger to these old eyes!
Int. office building
CHRIS
Hey man do you know where Patrick is today? He hasn't been answering his phone and he said he'd help me out with moving stuff today.
STEVEN
Uh, nah man I haven't seen him arou...
DAN clears his throat ominously.
STEVEN
What?...
DAN nods silently towards calendar on adjacent wall.
A look of somber understanding sweeps STEVEN'S face.
DAN
He... PAT cannot help you today; I'm sorry.
STEVEN and DAN become quiet and apprehensive.
CHRIS
...What ...did something happen?
STEVEN and DAN make quick eye contact.
STEVEN exhales deeply.
The room is silent.
CHRIS
Guys, you're kinda scaring me. What's going on?
STEVEN
We're gonna tell you something about Pat. What we tell ya here doesn't leave the room. Got it?
CHRIS
Yeah... no, of course.
DAN
Chris...
STEVEN
It's... It's Classy Tuesday.
The room falls silent again.
CHRIS
What?
STEVEN
Classy Tuesday, Chris.
CHRIS
I am not following you.
STEVEN
For as long as I've know Patrick every Tuesday of every week has been what he refers to as "Classy Tuesday."
STEVEN
Patrick becomes like... a different person.
DAN becomes visibly upset, on the verge of tears.
STEVEN throws an arm around DAN to comfort him.
STEVEN
We shouldn't talk about this anymore; not here. If you really need to talk to Patrick today, you'll need to go see him yourself.
CHRIS
Ok... Is he at home?
STEVEN
Certainly.
STEVEN
He'll be in... the study.
DAN bursts into tears.
EXT. a driveway/a normal-suburban house
CHRIS parks his car in Patrick's driveway. He walks up and knocks on the door, it swings open; unlocked. CHRIS walks in nervously.
CHRIS
...Hey Pat? Hey! it's CHRIS dude.
The house is dark and silent except for the muffled sound of music coming from somewhere.
CHRIS
...Pat?
CHRIS follows the source of the noise to a shoe closet. He opens the closet door to reveal a distinguished oak door. Golden door knob.
CHRIS stares at the door with a look of surprise and opens it.
The room revealed is classy as fuck. There's a big wood desk. The back of a leather rolly-chair faces the door. A large assortment of cheese/fruit platters, wine, and cigar boxes are to the left of the desk. To the right is a spinning record player and various leather bound books. There's old maps on the walls. there's Victorian oil paintings everywhere. A fireplace is in full blaze. a white bird is sitting atop a perch. thomas bangalter's 'club soda' is playing quietly in the background.
CHRIS
Patrick?
The leather chair spins to face the door and PATRICK is revealed. He's wearing a full suit and a monicle. A big cigar hangs from his mouth and a crystal glass of brown spirits is in his left hand.
PATRICK
Chistopher! What a pleasent surprise this is! Please come in; make yourself at home! Please close the door.
CHRIS closes the door and sits across the desk. He's expressionless.
PATRICK
I must have forgotten our appointment! I do apologize for my heedlessness! How can I assist you old chum?
CHRIS
Are you fucking serious? What is all this? How long has this been here?
PATRICK
I constructed the study eight years ago Christopher. Please don't spout maldictions in the study.
CHRIS
This is weird. Why are you talking like that? Why are you wearing a suit?...
PATRICK ingores the remarks.
PATRICK
My manners have eluded me! Let me make you a drink.
PATRICK walks to the bar.
PATRICK
What will it be?
CHRIS
Water's good.
PATRICK
We have whiskey, scotch, and cognac. I also have a Lebanese Cabarnet that compliments the camembert wonderfully!
PATRICK motions towards the cheese.
CHRIS
It's 9:30...
PATRICK
Ahh, you have a keen eye my friend! I've always said that! I was saving the Dom for a next tuesday but it's evident to me you have a yearning for the bubbly! '96... What a year...
PATRICK pops the cork to the champagne and pours two glasses. He hands a glass to CHRIS and sits down.
PATRICK
Alas, down to business. How can I assist you today?
CHRIS
Why haven't you been answering your phone?
PATRICK
It's Tuesday, Christopher. I correspond by post on Tuesdays.
CHRIS
Okay... Uh, well you've been telling me all week you would help me move out today.
PATRICK
Ahh, I'm terribly sorry Christopher! I am so forgetful at times! I'm afraid I'll be engaged in other affairs all the day long! You must exeme my neglegent mind!
CHRIS sips the champagne with a look of worry on his face.
PATRICK gets up and rummages through the stacks of records til he finds one he likes.
PATRICK
Ahh!
PATRICK puts the Line Reanaud cover of Barry Manilow's 'Copacabana' on. He sits back at the desk.
PATRICK
You know I have been researching the history of Maritime law. Fascinating!
CHRIS points towards the perched white bird.
CHRIS
Is that a bird, Pat?...
PATRICK
Pseudastur albicollis!
CHRIS
...Okay, I'm gonna go now.
PATRICK
Ahh, so soon old chum! Well don't be a stranger to these old eyes!
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