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    Indie of the Month May

watch I Made My First Short Film

Hi there. This is a very short film i made with a friend about depression. It is based on the poem "Incoherent Thoughts, Inconsistent Actions" that was written by Rob Watson, a very talented and upcoming writer in my country (Ghana). I need pointers and corrections so as to improve on my filmmaking skill. Here it is.
 
Last edited:

onebaldman

Pro Member
indiePRO
IOTM Winner
In the beginning, you had some great shots going. I was really into it. Then somewhere, I think around 1:13 or 1:15 when he drinks something that's where it lost me.

The editing, camera works slowly degrades over time. Probably trying to make it more interesting? The poem is great. Maybe too long for a one room shot.

You might have used some outdoor shots or a change of environment to keep interest?

Overall, I think it is a great short film with a great message. It just carried on too long, and had no consistency with the edit.
 
Not bad, but not great.

I agree with onebaldman, you lost me about a minute and a half in.

If I didn't see the end I would not have known it was about depression/psychological disorders.

The ticking clock sound should have started (faded in?) right at the start ("dead" air) rather than at 16 seconds, probably should have faded out about 35 seconds or so. Possibly faded in a few other places.

As a sound geek I would have had lots of Foley, and perhaps some vocalizations (sighs, grunts, etc.).

Looked good, but needed more visual variation.

That's all I have for now.
 
In the beginning, you had some great shots going. I was really into it. Then somewhere, I think around 1:13 or 1:15 when he drinks something that's where it lost me.

The editing, camera works slowly degrades over time. Probably trying to make it more interesting? The poem is great. Maybe too long for a one room shot.

You might have used some outdoor shots or a change of environment to keep interest?

Overall, I think it is a great short film with a great message. It just carried on too long, and had no consistency with the edit.
Thanks for the feedback. I'll definitely take these points into account next time.
 
Not bad, but not great.

I agree with onebaldman, you lost me about a minute and a half in.

If I didn't see the end I would not have known it was about depression/psychological disorders.

The ticking clock sound should have started (faded in?) right at the start ("dead" air) rather than at 16 seconds, probably should have faded out about 35 seconds or so. Possibly faded in a few other places.

As a sound geek I would have had lots of Foley, and perhaps some vocalizations (sighs, grunts, etc.).

Looked good, but needed more visual variation.

That's all I have for now.
Pretty strong points here. I really appreciate it. Thanks
 
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