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I don't know what to do?

Birdman

Birdman

Formatting questions:

(1) I have lines in my script where a character says, "I don't know what to do." I want to write it as "I don't know what to do?" with a question mark to indicate the character is asking for help ...but it's technically not a question. It's a statement. Same goes for "I don't know?". What is the rule for this?

(2) Voice Over Montage: Do you put the montage before or after the dialogue?

(3) INTERCUT: Does an intercut get the same spacing and placement as a New Scene Heading or can it be one empty space after an action line?

(4) INSERT: If a person is holding a piece of paper in their hands with info written on it, do you use the "INSERT" qualifier even though it's not taking up the entire screen? ...or do you have to describe the hand holding the paper and waste a bunch of text?



...And yes, I'm watching the Superbowl.

-Birdman
 
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There are a number of accepted ways to do resolve various misc issues like this in screenwriting. This is what I would do. Others may do something else.

Birdman said:
(1) I have lines in my script where a character says, "I don't know what to do." I want to write it as "I don't know what to do?" with a question mark to indicate the character is asking for help ...but it's technically not a question. It's a statement. Same goes for "I don't know?". What is the rule for this?
Click to expand...
Use either or use: "I don't know what to do..."

The "..." signifies a beat (pause). So the character says the dialogue then there's a pause.

Birdman said:
(2) Voice Over Montage: Do you put the montage before or after the dialogue?
Click to expand...
Ideally, you want to combine the montage with the VO.

If that's not possible for you, simply make a statement along the lines of: SHOW MONTAGE WITH VO


Birdman said:
(3) INTERCUT: Does an intercut get the same spacing and placement as a New Scene Heading or can it be one empty space after an action line?
Click to expand...

See my comment for (4). INTERCUTs are great for shooting scripts. Best not to use them too much for spec scripts. Though some specs have many of them. Some have none. There are different ways to place INTERCUTs.

Just read some pro scripts, pick the way you prefer yourself.

Birdman said:
(4) INSERT: If a person is holding a piece of paper in their hands with info written on it, do you use the "INSERT" qualifier even though it's not taking up the entire screen? ...or do you have to describe the hand holding the paper and waste a bunch of text?
Click to expand...
I would avoid INSERT's in spec scripts. I would only include them in a shooting script. If it's a shooting script then I would consider simply using a CU (close up) in this case.
 
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Thank you, Indie. I have a few phone conversations that would eat up way too much space if I didn't use an INTERCUT.

The other INTERCUT situation is a scene where several closely-linked areas are involved in a fast-paced action scene:

INTERCUT - OUTER SPACE / SHUTTLEPOD #7 / SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7

I have a character dealing with issues inside the "Shuttlepod Bay #7" area. His craft is "Shuttlepod #7. Things are happening in "Outer Space" right outside "Shuttlepod Bay #7. He gets in and out of Shuttlepod #7" and does things in "Shuttlepod Bay #7" trying to get into "Outer Space".

Without using the INTERCUT tool I end up with a bunch of tiny, quick scenes and a ton of scene headings to match. If I just write it all out as it happens (without scene headings) it makes sense to me ...and I would also presume the viewer. Here's an example:

============================

EXT. OUTER SPACE
The escape hatch glows red from heat

INT. SHUTTLEPOD #7
Joe sees a warning light. He exits his Shuttlepod.

INT. SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7
Joe runs down the corridor and picks up a phaser unit. He races back to the Shuttlepod.

EXT: OUTER SPACE
Chunks of molten metal fly from the red hot escape hatch.

I/E. SHUTTLEPOD #7
Joe climbs into the Shuttlepod. He notices the glowing escape hatch. He sees a control panel across the bay. He exits the Shuttlepod.

INT. SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7
Joe presses keys on the control panel.

...Etc. Etc. Etc.
==================================================

...I think you get the point? 50% of the text being typed is the frickin' Sluglines!

So what's a Screenplay writer to do?

-Birdman
 
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I need to answer this quick as hyper-busy...

This link includes screenplay format guides. They cover INTERCUT.

Screenplay format guides
http://reelauthors.com/Resources.php

But I would not use INTERCUT in the example you have given. I would SLUG it out...

This article explains what I mean:

Slug Lines: Advanced Usage
http://reelauthors.com/script-analysis-coverage/script-writing-slug-lines.php

An example:

INT. PENTHOUSE / KITCHEN - NIGHT

Action description... Scene eventually moves to...

DINING AREA

Action description... Scene eventually moves to...

BEDROOM

Action description...​

The Bourne scripts etc SLUG things out to amp up action sequences, speed up the read when dealing with multiple locations and lots of 'intercuts'.

Michael Mann in Heat also used the technique to great effect, see what he did here:

How to Write Great Action
http://reelauthors.com/script-analysis-coverage/how-to-write-great-action.php
 
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Thanks, Indie.

...Guess I'll have to slug it out. Thanks for adding another ten frickin' minutes to my 320 page screenplay! I'm going to rename it to, "Slug Trek".

-Birdman
 
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If you put a question mark at the end of a sentence, then I think that would prompt an actor to raise the tone of their voice at the end. Which would sound weird. Unless you intent for them to phrase a statement like a question, I think proper punctuation is best. Use a period.

And I'm no grammar nazi. But yeah, I think you should write it as you want it read.
 
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Cracker Funk said:
If you put a question mark at the end of a sentence, then I think that would prompt an actor to raise the tone of their voice at the end. Which would sound weird. Unless you intent for them to phrase a statement like a question, I think proper punctuation is best. Use a period.

And I'm no grammar nazi. But yeah, I think you should write it as you want it read.
Click to expand...

It would be in this reference:

=======================

INT. GARAGE - DAY

A car explodes.

JOE

What the hell just happened?

CARLA

I don't know?

=======================

...Carla would be answering Joe like, "I don't know and I'm really freaking out right now ...What did just happen?" or "I don't know ...Do you?" I want the answer to be inquisitive in nature and not informative.

as opposed to:

=======================

INT. GARAGE - DAY

Joe and Carla exit an elevator.

JOE

Where did I park the car?

CARLA

I don't know.

=======================


-Birdman
 
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I think most actors, with the context of this conversation, would read it the way you want it. To me, a misused question mark is just off-putting. Think of Ron Burgandy reading the news. If you put a question mark there, he's going to raise his voice at the end of the sentence. That's how it plays out in my brain, and it just sounds weird, and is distracting.
 
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I agree with Cracker. "I don't know" isn't a question. It can't ever be a question. Joe can still take the statement as a question, and respond appropriately. There's no need for the question mark to be there, it's just confusing.


I'm Ron Burgundy?

:lol:
 
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Birdman said:
Formatting questions:

(1) I have lines in my script where a character says, "I don't know what to do." I want to write it as "I don't know what to do?" with a question mark to indicate the character is asking for help ...but it's technically not a question. It's a statement. Same goes for "I don't know?". What is the rule for this?

Write it as a statement. It is up to the actor and director to convey to the audience the desperation for help. If you've done good set up, that should be evident.
Code: 
Joe holds the phaser as the Borg warrior nears.  He glances
about as it advances.  Sparks fly from a nearby panel.

He fires but the borg's shield adapts and deflects it only slowing
its advance.

Joe runs his fingers through his hair as he stumbles along the
corridor.

                                     JOE
           I don't know what to do.

There is a crackling static from his communicator.
...
It's about set up and character development. If you're directing, then you can instruct the actor as needed. If not, your script will be interpreted by the actor and director when being filmed.


(2) Voice Over Montage: Do you put the montage before or after the dialogue?
(3) INTERCUT: Does an intercut get the same spacing and placement as a New Scene Heading or can it be one empty space after an action line?


Technically, MONTAGE does not accept dialogue. You would use sluglines or SERIES OF SHOTS. Though there's no real advantage over sluglines.
Code: 
SERIES OF SHOTS - KLINGON BIRD OF PREY (CONTINUOUS)

MAIN CORRIDOR

Joe runs down the corridor.

The borg's pace is indifferent.

SIDE CORRIDOR

Joe pauses, bends over to catch his breath and slumps
against the wall.

                        JAZIRA (V.O.)
               (communicator)
          Captain?  The core set to implode.

                        JOE
                (flips open communicator)
          I'm on my way to transporter room
          three.

                        JAZIRA (V.O.)
                 (communicator; static)
           Sir?

MAIN CORRIDOR

Joe peers around to see the borg advancing.

BRIDGE

Jazira stares at the comm panel, raises an eyebrow and
presses a button.

She moves to an engineering panel, pushing aside a dead
Klingon to review a panel scrolling symbols.  She presses
a button.

                  JAZIRA
        You're losing containment in
        that region.
...


(4) INSERT: If a person is holding a piece of paper in their hands with info written on it, do you use the "INSERT" qualifier even though it's not taking up the entire screen? ...or do you have to describe the hand holding the paper and waste a bunch of text?

Code: 
...
INT.  KLINGON BIRD OF PREY, TRANSPORTER RM 3

Joe reaches the door.  A beat.  It doesn't open.  He fights to pull
it apart using the seam without success.

He manages to pull off a side panel and pull some wires.

The door hisses open and he dashes inside.

He runs to the transporter controls, pauses

[B][I]Joe's hands wander uncertain as the panel screen 
flashes Klingon script.  He presses some controls then 
rushes to enter settings.[/I][/B]

He races to the transporter pad ...

only to be struck by an outstretched arm.
...
There's no need for an insert. The director can decide how he wants to shoot the panel screen sequence as a close-up, over the shoulder, 3/4 view, etc.


...And yes, I'm watching the Superbowl.
-Birdman
Click to expand...

Birdman said:
Thank you, Indie. I have a few phone conversations that would eat up way too much space if I didn't use an INTERCUT.

The other INTERCUT situation is a scene where several closely-linked areas are involved in a fast-paced action scene:

INTERCUT - OUTER SPACE / SHUTTLEPOD #7 / SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7

I have a character dealing with issues inside the "Shuttlepod Bay #7" area. His craft is "Shuttlepod #7. Things are happening in "Outer Space" right outside "Shuttlepod Bay #7. He gets in and out of Shuttlepod #7" and does things in "Shuttlepod Bay #7" trying to get into "Outer Space".

Without using the INTERCUT tool I end up with a bunch of tiny, quick scenes and a ton of scene headings to match. If I just write it all out as it happens (without scene headings) it makes sense to me ...and I would also presume the viewer. Here's an example:

============================

EXT. OUTER SPACE
The escape hatch glows red from heat

INT. SHUTTLEPOD #7
Joe sees a warning light. He exits his Shuttlepod.

INT. SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7
Joe runs down the corridor and picks up a phaser unit. He races back to the Shuttlepod.

EXT: OUTER SPACE
Chunks of molten metal fly from the red hot escape hatch.

I/E. SHUTTLEPOD #7
Joe climbs into the Shuttlepod. He notices the glowing escape hatch. He sees a control panel across the bay. He exits the Shuttlepod.

INT. SHUTTLEPOD BAY #7
Joe presses keys on the control panel.

...Etc. Etc. Etc.
==================================================

...I think you get the point? 50% of the text being typed is the frickin' Sluglines!

So what's a Screenplay writer to do?

-Birdman
Click to expand...
Keep the sluglines. The script is a PRODUCTION TOOL. As an AD or Director, I need to know how many shots occur in a given location so I can rent/book/reserve that space for the appropriate amount of time. Also, I will shoot all the sequences at one time which may mean that scenes are filmed out of sequence to take advantage of a location's availability. CeltX allows me to do that easily.

So yes, it does bog down the script a little. But in the sample you provide, it makes it clear where the action is taking place. Again, if you are directing this yourself, you can write it however you want. But as a spec script that someone else must shoot, keep in mind the script is a blueprint. Not having the space between the slugline and the action is fine. However, most software packages will insert it automatically when you enter it as a slugline which you need to do to get it to number later.

PS: I hope you were joking about the 320 pages! That's more like a miniseries than a movie! 320 pages = 960 shoot hours or 96 shoot days. If you're talking weekends, that 48 weekends almost an entire year if shot almost every weekend. Then there's the post work. And run time is about 320 minutes or 5 1/2 hours.
 
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FantasySciFi said:
Keep the sluglines. The script is a PRODUCTION TOOL. As an AD or Director, I need to know how many shots occur in a given location so I can rent/book/reserve that space for the appropriate amount of time. Also, I will shoot all the sequences at one time which may mean that scenes are filmed out of sequence to take advantage of a location's availability. CeltX allows me to do that easily..
Click to expand...

...Yah, I was hoping for a way out of it, but I'm doomed to the slug. What I'm finding, though, is that my movie "feels" like it's only an hour's worth of film time. I watch 2 hour movies where a whole laundry list of shit happens before the end. Mine seems like just a few scenes and then it's time for the credits. If I include what I think would make it a complete movie I end up with a 180 page butt-nummer.

I've read many other online scripts. I'm not using much more "description" then they are. There is a little more since it's a Sci-fi (you probably understand that based on your handle). I've got strange instruments and devices coming into play. They have to be described to some extent. It's not like a "western" where you have a deck of cards, a hat and some pistols.

FantasySciFi said:
So yes, it does bog down the script a little. But in the sample you provide, it makes it clear where the action is taking place. Again, if you are directing this yourself, you can write it however you want. But as a spec script that someone else must shoot, keep in mind the script is a blueprint. Not having the space between the slugline and the action is fine. However, most software packages will insert it automatically when you enter it as a slugline which you need to do to get it to number later
Click to expand...

...I wish I could have those damned spaces disappear! I'm using Final Draft, but if others have suffered through it with the spaces then I should be able to do it also.

FantasySciFi said:
PS: I hope you were joking about the 320 pages! That's more like a miniseries than a movie! 320 pages = 960 shoot hours or 96 shoot days. If you're talking weekends, that 48 weekends almost an entire year if shot almost every weekend. Then there's the post work. And run time is about 320 minutes or 5 1/2 hours.
Click to expand...

...Nope! I had it at 320 pages at one point. I wrote it out exactly as it came to me in my head. Then I started removing scenes that weren't relevant. I'm looking at 150 to 180 pages right now. I can get it down to 120 or 130 ...but I'm whacking the hell out of it to pull it off. I feel like it's a cheap imitation of it's "real" self at the 130 page length. At 120 it's missing its heart and soul.

Descriptions have become like describing the vast glory and splendor of the Grand Canyon as ..."A big hole".

-Birdman

P.S. I should probably just write a novel.
 
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