1. Make it thought provoking. You must have at least four different lines that exist to make the audience ponder deep philosophical thoughts, even if they contradict OTHER statements in the movie.
2. Religious imagery. Throw in a bible quote. As a matter of fact, show one on the trailer. Or, you know what might work? Making the title a bible quote!
3. Noting sells better than one fighting with the fact that they are Different. Play the race card. Play the Gay Card. Hell, make your star a black transexual who is mildly autistic.
4. There is nothing wrong with Nudity, as long as it is artistic. Sterile white walls will make any cheap, trashy sex scene so artistic,you will feel like you are insulting the great and wonderous work of art by getting a boner.
5. Despite the fact that all big money makers, whether from the studios or independents, are full of great jokes, punchy dialog, and sometimes some good action scenes, that's not artistic at all. Instead of action and humor, your characters should speak in self aware monologs.
6. Subtlety. Now, I said there should be self aware monologs, but how self aware? You can't just blatantly say everything. You have to mask it. After all, all the great screen writers had dual meanings hidden within everything they say. So, instead of having a character say "I love you" they have to say "I hate you." That also builds tension, because he says he hates her, but he really loves her. That's like, three reasons behind one line!
7. Every single color has to mean something. Most movies have simple visual cues. But screw that, you'll never go anywhere unless EVERYTHING is meaningfull. Red could mean passion, Purple hatred, and grey could mean love. But it could also mean kinda like if it's two shades closer to white.
8. Homelessness. There is nothing that the film festival crowd can relate to more than people living on on the streets, eating food out of a trash can.
9. Phallic Symbols. If a woman is supposed to show some sort of sexuality, have her smoke a cigar. or maybe hold a gun. Or maybe smoke a cigar, hold a gun, constantly lick her lips, and have her caress a golf club and talk about how much she enjoys having her hand on a nice hard shaft.
10. Video is the way of the future, so don't worry if you film looks like it was shot on Video. All movies will look like that soon.
11. Always have at least one scene in black and white. It's a great way to pay tribute to the masters.
12. Jump Cuts make things more artistic!
13. Your character has to make at least one Comic Book analogy. Everyone relates to Archetypes, and what a better place to look than comic books? Fanboys will dig it, and people will find your critical analyses of what makes Batman tick "deep." What's even better is, you can find all the information on Wikipedia.
14. Dogme 95 is great, so follow those rules, except for those ones about how you have to use film. After all, that's outdated. They wouldn't have said that if they realized that Digital Video would progress to the point where it's even higher quality than film!
15. Quentin Tarantino, Stephen Spielberg,Alfred Hitchcock, Sergio Leone, Stanley Kubrik, and Orson Welles were the greatest directors to ever live. So, therefore, pay homage to them every chance you get. All of them. It's your way of thanking them for paving the way. Also, people will praise you for incorporating so many different styles.
16. Don't worry about Lighting, Sound, and Camera work. All of that is the Director of Photography's job.
I wrote this list several months ago, fed up with all the student projects I've been crewing on. There are things in here that are self parody, too, like overthinking the color scheme. EVERY movie should focus on color as much as I do, but I think there is a point where 'Yeah, your pushing it". That was to let my crew know that "Yeah, I can mock myself."
2. Religious imagery. Throw in a bible quote. As a matter of fact, show one on the trailer. Or, you know what might work? Making the title a bible quote!
3. Noting sells better than one fighting with the fact that they are Different. Play the race card. Play the Gay Card. Hell, make your star a black transexual who is mildly autistic.
4. There is nothing wrong with Nudity, as long as it is artistic. Sterile white walls will make any cheap, trashy sex scene so artistic,you will feel like you are insulting the great and wonderous work of art by getting a boner.
5. Despite the fact that all big money makers, whether from the studios or independents, are full of great jokes, punchy dialog, and sometimes some good action scenes, that's not artistic at all. Instead of action and humor, your characters should speak in self aware monologs.
6. Subtlety. Now, I said there should be self aware monologs, but how self aware? You can't just blatantly say everything. You have to mask it. After all, all the great screen writers had dual meanings hidden within everything they say. So, instead of having a character say "I love you" they have to say "I hate you." That also builds tension, because he says he hates her, but he really loves her. That's like, three reasons behind one line!
7. Every single color has to mean something. Most movies have simple visual cues. But screw that, you'll never go anywhere unless EVERYTHING is meaningfull. Red could mean passion, Purple hatred, and grey could mean love. But it could also mean kinda like if it's two shades closer to white.
8. Homelessness. There is nothing that the film festival crowd can relate to more than people living on on the streets, eating food out of a trash can.
9. Phallic Symbols. If a woman is supposed to show some sort of sexuality, have her smoke a cigar. or maybe hold a gun. Or maybe smoke a cigar, hold a gun, constantly lick her lips, and have her caress a golf club and talk about how much she enjoys having her hand on a nice hard shaft.
10. Video is the way of the future, so don't worry if you film looks like it was shot on Video. All movies will look like that soon.
11. Always have at least one scene in black and white. It's a great way to pay tribute to the masters.
12. Jump Cuts make things more artistic!
13. Your character has to make at least one Comic Book analogy. Everyone relates to Archetypes, and what a better place to look than comic books? Fanboys will dig it, and people will find your critical analyses of what makes Batman tick "deep." What's even better is, you can find all the information on Wikipedia.
14. Dogme 95 is great, so follow those rules, except for those ones about how you have to use film. After all, that's outdated. They wouldn't have said that if they realized that Digital Video would progress to the point where it's even higher quality than film!
15. Quentin Tarantino, Stephen Spielberg,Alfred Hitchcock, Sergio Leone, Stanley Kubrik, and Orson Welles were the greatest directors to ever live. So, therefore, pay homage to them every chance you get. All of them. It's your way of thanking them for paving the way. Also, people will praise you for incorporating so many different styles.
16. Don't worry about Lighting, Sound, and Camera work. All of that is the Director of Photography's job.
I wrote this list several months ago, fed up with all the student projects I've been crewing on. There are things in here that are self parody, too, like overthinking the color scheme. EVERY movie should focus on color as much as I do, but I think there is a point where 'Yeah, your pushing it". That was to let my crew know that "Yeah, I can mock myself."
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